I cheated on my boyfriend this weekend..

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
I cheated on my boyfriend this weekend..
9
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 3:39pm
My boyfriend of a little more than a year was out of town this weekend, so I went out with my girlfriend. I ended up hooking up and sleeping with my girlfriend's super cute friend's friend who was visiting (read will never see him again). I acted on an impulse and I think what I did was aweful but I have decided that I am not telling my boyfriend about it. Ultimately, this incident helped me realize that my boyfriend is the only guy I want to be with - some may say that's a messed up way to find that out but I guess everything is individual. I am just wondering if my conscience will eat me from the inside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 5:40pm

Assuming you had safe sex, I think you're doing the right thing by not telling your boyfriend. No sense hurting him just to ease your own conscience.

(Though, if you didn't use a condom, you've got to fess up because it then becomes a health issue for him.)

Yes, your conscience may eat you up on the inside, but that's the price you've got to pay.

best of luck to you.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 10:24pm
I agree with not telling your boyfriend. Telling him will do nothing but dump a load of hurt on him, and that's not doing anything good to him.


There's a difference between people who are chronic cheaters and people who cheat once then not again. Chronic cheaters think they're entitled to cheat, think it's an option, find ways to justify their cheating and will most certainly repeat it. Then there are the others, like you. You did it and regret it, it's not something you feel should be repeated. Hopefully, whether you continue to think your boyfriend is the right one for you, if you should decide he's not in the future, you'd end your relationship before involving yourself with anyone else.


You may well feel a great deal of guilt as time goes on, if that happens, I'd suggest seeing a counselor/therapist for a session or two to help you deal with it.


I'm also hoping you practiced safe sex; if you didn't, that will really complicate things.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 8:45pm

I agree on not telling him and for the reasons other posters offer.

I don't know if your conscience will eat you up. Depends on if you were truly just impulsive and can forgive yourself...if you were not and there are other issues at play then your conscience might not be fooled by the impulse excuse and continue to hound you.

If you think there may be any other issues beyond impulse, seeing a therapist to discuss this is not a bad idea. Better to get the issue resolved now so that you are not inclined to repeat this destructive behavior when there is a lot more at stake (like marriage and kids).

I truly beleive it is not about whether people make mistakes, but rather how they deal with them that matters the most.

Best Wishes, P.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 10:51am

I agree with your ending message..Yes...I do think it will "stay in your thoughts" It is already as you probable know..I have a saying " What comes around will go around" what I mean by that is nothing ill toward you but it will be back to haunt you..It might not be a week from now or a year but it will... I would clear my pad as you might say! I would tell him even though you decided deep down inside not too...I have had a friend that had the same thing happen and the guy lived in a different state and the mistake reared it's ugle head and she wished she would of told him then instead of now 2 years down the line. Just to let you know he will not speak to her and they are in the process of an ugle divoce with kids sorry to say...He says he doesn't trust her nor believes her and wonders how many times this has happend?? Even though I know she had only made this 1 mistake to cause all this drama..He said if she would of told him then he may could have forgived her...

Good Luck

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-11-2006 - 9:35pm

I strongly, strongly disagree with not telling him. I think that every person deserves to make a CHOICE about who they are with, based on full disclosure. He needs to know you are capable of this behavior. To not tell him takes away his right to chose and treats him like a child.

IMO it's not about you getting to clear your conscience or not. It's allowing him to know you fully and make a decision about whether he wants to be with you or not based on ALL of your behavior, not just the part you choose to show him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 12:23pm
I think he deserves to know. If I were cheated on, whether it's one time or a hundred times, I would want to know - and I'm pretty sure you would want to know too. And I think there's a reason why you feel bad - because you know it was wrong. I also think that if you don't tell him now and it comes up later on down the line, it will be much harder for him to forgive you. I think you should tell him and try to work it out together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 12:34pm

So..let's just say, hypothetically speaking:

You are in an established committed 5+ year long LTR with a person whom you adore and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life - and so does he. He was out of town. You went out with friends, you had too much to drink, you made a stupid mistake and slept with someone - it meant absolutely nothing to you, you don't want to and won't see the person ever again, it was a slip up, a gross error of judgement caused by alcohol etc etc, call it whatever you want. You know for a fact that should your LTR bf ever find out he would not hesitate to walk out on your r-ship. You are seriously telling me that you would ruin your life for the sake of some 'sacred truth', 'text-book morals', because he 'deserves the choice' blah blah etc etc ? Sorry - I feel as strongly as you do but in the opposite direction so I'll just say it how I feel it - NON-SENSE. I could understand this sort of outlook if you were about 15 but I know that you're not. I tell my bf of over 2.5 years, exactly in those words: 'should something like this ever happen, just make sure I don't ever find out'. Idealistic stuff is for teenies - real life is not like that at all.

(I am not saying you would ever do something like that, and I know that you don't drink or misbehave in this way. I meant all of this hypothetically).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 1:32pm

Integrity means more to me than anything else. So, I 2nd Northwestwanderer about her opinion. I would tell. I would make sure it wasn't to ease my conscience but because it was a crucial bit of information. And telling wouldn't ruin my life, sleeping with someone else is what ruined it. Lying about it (which is the same thing as not telling) just compounded the problem.

A friend of mine says that "truth hurts, lies kill." And I agree 100%. If the relationship ends at least a valuable lesson has been learned. You want to keep your bf, don't sleep with someone else. Drunk or not. And if you drink so much that you do things you would NEVER, EVER do otherwise, then you drink too much.

Jen



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Thu, 10-19-2006 - 2:22pm

Amen.


I'm sorry but when did morals, integrity and HONESTY go out the window and become non-sense??

Defleppardgal