improvement

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
improvement
2
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 3:54pm

Just an update...I began seeing a counselor shortly after that last entry.
I insisted that my husband go and asked him if he would like to, and he did the man thing of saying "there's no problem.....i'm perfectly fine.".

I've really been able to take things into perspective, and she has even given me "homework". It's really funny because she suggested some online readings that were the same ones that you all suggested. I've been feeling better about the way I'm dealing with things.

In the past couple of weeks, I'm not sure what happened to my husband but he's made a 180 turn. He's been coming to bed, been coming home a little earlier, but not by much. Maybe he's seeing that I'm serious about things...at least that's what my counselor said it sounds like. She said that she would like to talk to him, even if it was just for a few sessions-but only if he is wiling to come on his own.

On the other hand, he's been very open with me about things like work and what's going on in his brain. He;s been saying that lately work has been hectic because he is about to get a (well deserved) raise, and that comes with just a bit of responsibility. He's also been saying that he's been stressing because he is eager to start trying for children.

We both agreed that we don't spend enough time together and I've taken to adjusting my sleep so I take a nap during the day in order to stay up just a little later. He also said that we should take one night of the week to just be together-be it a movie or dinner or whatever there is to do. He even made ME dinner the other night...(of course it was the cutest mac n cheese that i ever ate... but it was the feeling that counted.) I think I was being negative too. The counselor really got me to think about all the things I have to be happy about-rather than the things that are wrong. I'm not sure how long I should see her for, but I'm definitely going to keep going, and I'm kind of hoping that my husband will go...even if it's just a few times.

Thanks to you all for all your suggested readings and just a simple shoulder to cry on.
I'll keep ya posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nibbles66
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 10:24pm
For those who want a refresher on Nibbles66's situation, her previous post can be found here:


is it me? or him?

Nibbles, I just got home from a cross country meet and am in the middle of fixing dinner. I won't have time to read or respond to your post until after dinner, but I peeked in and saw your post, and wanted to post your link so others could have it asap. I'll be back!







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nibbles66
Thu, 10-12-2006 - 11:50pm
Great news, Nibbles! I'm really glad to hear that you're seeing improvement, that's just great! And it's great that your husband is making some changes and suggesting spending more time together too. I have to say, and I thought it during your previous postings too, you're both thinking about children, but getting your relationship not just together, but really solidly in place has to come before babies, don't you agree? Trust me, babies can shake a strong relationship, one that's not so strong to begin with can really suffer some serious problems. Not only that, but you want to have some time to actually be together ~ before and after babies come, right? I would think suggesting that working on your relationship is necessary before you can think about adding a baby into the mix might encourage him to attend a few sessions, you know, to help the cause and all!


As far as not being sure how long to go, I'd really suggest going until you and your therapist both agree that your problems are resolved, or that you're far enough along that there's no point in continuing. Leaving before then is leaving before you've really gotten it resolved, and why would you want to stop short of complete success?


I'm really glad you gave us your update, it's really great to hear. I'm so glad things are moving in such a positive direction ~ woo hoo for you!







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"