Does he ever want to marry me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Does he ever want to marry me?
4
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 1:44am
I don't know if my boyfriend ever wants to marry me. I knew I wanted to be with him since the first time we spoke. We've been together for two years now and I thought by now we'd have a better idea of what we wanted to do with our relationship, but it seems he's growing less and less fond of marriage, which just kills me. He's all I could ever want, he gives up his free time for me, takes care of me when I'm sick, makes me laugh, and always tells me he loves me and I'm beautiful. He always says he likes things the way they are, and though we're both young and our careers haven't taken off yet, I just want the assurance of the possibility of marriage in the future. Am I so wrong for wanting to know this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 4:24am

Does he ever want to marry you? At this stage, he doesn't even want to think about marriage. And he's being very honest about that fact.

If I were you, I'd listen to what he says and believe him. If you can accept this about him, then stay. But if you can't accept the uncertainty, leave. But realise that you can't force him to make plans before he's ready.

May I ask how old you both are?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2005
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 12:21pm
I'm 19 and he's 24, and I don't want to get married now, but if I knew within the next few years, it would ease my uncertainty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 11:58pm
Centerstage, I know it's not what you want to hear, but getting the "certainty" at this stage of your life would be no certainty at all. You have years of changes to go through yet and while he may wind up being "the one for you" in the end, it's more likely that the changes you'll go through (and he as well) will result in neither of you being right for each other at all.


I would really urge you to be happy with the relationship you have right now and spend more of you focus on being happy with yourself, who you are and being secure in your own abilities and independence. When you feel right and happy with yourself and don't *need* a guy to be secure is when you'll be in the right place to make a good choice. When you *need* someone to make you feel secure, that's when you'll be making bad choices. Just try to relax and enjoy your life as it is now, believe me, it's the only chance you'll get to have this kind of freedom, when it's gone it's gone. Your boyfriend has the right idea, don't think about marriage, don't think about changing things up, just go with it as it is for now, enjoy life, give yourself time and don't push things that shouldn't be pushed.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 1:19pm
I agree with cl-2nd_life. I'm not that much older then you, but old enough to have been there and done that. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 (well in November) yes thats right 7 years. We are not married, nor are we engaged. Yes we've talked about it but as much as I want it...I can not make him do it. Not to mention, I would MUCH rather have a ring on my finger because HE wanted it, not because he felt pressured by me. We met when we were both 20, so we didnt meet that far off of you at 19. Trust me. 20 on is going to be nothing but changes. I'm 27 now and probably have quite a few more ahead of me. But when we were 20 we wanted to get married, and live happily ever after. It does not happen. Be happy now, be happy you have a good man that loves you, be happy for every day you have together. Because there will be tough roads ahead, some will make you and some may break you. Be GLAD you have the opportunity to choose throughout those changes. If you guys are meant to be, you will be. That is the faith i've had in our relationship, and we went through a lot. I wouldnt change a thing, we went through hell and back to be where we are and if i had to do it over I wouldnt change a thing. When the time is right, it will happen.