Divorce not an option, but now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2006
Divorce not an option, but now what?
4
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:16pm

DH and I agreed when we got married that we would never get divorced. We both come from divorced families and know how horrible it can be.

But now here we are....just "celebrated" our 8th anniversary this summer, have a son who is almost 3 and we are MISERABLE.

DH recently brought this up and it almost seems as if he thinks that means he doesn't need to work on our relationship. We talked about counseling and he is VERY resistant.

I tried to get a counseling appointment for myself and after 5 or so phone calls back and forth to the counseling office and the insurance company, I wasn't able to make an appointment.

What next? I am hopeless at this point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:41pm

What is making you miserable?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:44am
Welcome to the board, Stuckinil2006 ~



I take it then that your husband is perfectly happy staying in a miserable situation for the rest of his life? This is how he wants to live, eh? And he thinks this will make for a happy home life for your son, and that he won't repeat the pattern of unhappy relationship that he's being given the example of? Ok, done ranting, but I really do want to know what your husband's thoughts are in what do to from here, especially since he's the one who voiced being miserable. What problems are you having?

Why are you calling back and forth, therapists and insurance, and why isn't it working out? I've never had an experience other than checking my policy to see what it covers, then to the therapist "this is the insurance I have, do you accept that?" and on to the appointment. We might be able to offer some more/better suggestions if we understood the roadblocks you're up against.


As for the no-divorce agreement you made with your husband, who gets married expecting to get divorced? While vowing not to divorce is a nice idea, it can't hold water years later, who can predict what will come down the line? I absolutely agree with Firstamendment and her "deathbed" scenario, my thoughts were very similar when I ended my previous marriage. That's not to say you should divorce, not at all.


At this point, I think resolving the insurance/counseling issue and seeking help yourself is your best bet. There's every likelihood that your husband will join you at some point, and if he doesn't you'll still gain valuable information that can help you and change your relationship, and it will you determine what you're willing to accept in your life too.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 6:52am

I agree with the Cl on the insurance thing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:26pm
Stuckinil2006, I wanted to make sure you didn't feel that I was suggesting the insurance problem is *your* problem, as in, something you're not doing right. If it read that way, it's not the way I intended it. But I do think if we understand why you're having to go through the processs you are we might be able to help.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"