Thanks for all your responses.
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| Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:32pm |
I've been reading the thread called "Relationship should be easy, no work" by iv_aisha2004 and I must say I am in total DISAGREEMENT with it. I feel relationship is hard work. Its great to see that some people here have "GREAT" marriages, but please don't knock people who don't have good marriage and have to work harder in their marriage.
Divorce rate is very high. One out of 2 marriages end up in divorce. If relationship is so easy for some of you, then please tell me why 1 out of 2 couples end in divorce. Its because its not as easy as it should be.
I read iv_aisha thread and I know she was thinking of me when she created the thread. I mean who are you to "judge" a person on how their marriage should be? Just because my marriage takes more work than others, should I be condemed for it? Should you look down on me because you think a relationship should be easy? Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion but I still don't feel its right to judge someone just because their marriage needs more work than other marriages.
I've appreciated everyone's responses to all my threads and I have learned many things, however, after reading "Relationship should be easy, no work" by iv_aisha2004, I don't feel comfortable in coming to the message board because I don't want people to judge me just because I needed to reach out.

Casey,
I'm sorry but stop taking everything so personal! That is a very common and reoccurring topic here and just because it goes along with you and your topic doesn't mean you spawned it. You want to know why your marriage is SO HARD and why it takes SO MUCH work? Because everything is a personal affront to you.
Jen
Casey, I am sorry you felt that Aisha was singling you out.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
I never said that, and I posted all my heartfelt opinions on the subject in that thread.
The other posters are correct. I've been posting on this board (and others) for a few years I've seen the sentiment of "marriage is work" more times than I care to remember. And every time I've read it over the years, it bothered me.
What I learned from the thread is that there's work and there's WORK.
Yes, work is needed in a marriage. As in occaisional tweaks and expressions of our needs. I also realised that my own marriage takes work.....I just didn't recognise what I do as being work. I had been putting it in the category of self improvement instead.
But I still believe that if it takes WORK (as in trying to turn a mule into a racehorse) then the marriage is not going to be good.
Yes, divorce rates are high. I believe that this is due to a number of factors.
Firstly and most importantly, people are making bad choices. They either marry rashly without knowing their partner properly or they marry someone with whom they already have a mountain of issues. You've only got to look at the posts from people writing about their misfit fiance to see this theory in action. Or they put 10% effort into finding the RIGHT partner and 90% of effort into a romantic wedding.
I believe that society is more selfish as a whole. We've become very demanding and very me, me, me in attitude. (Of course there are exceptions.) Selfish me, me, me attitudes have no place in a good marriage.
Divorce is more socially acceptable and easy to obtain. Many people no longer see the point in staying miserable when they have an out.
Edited 10/23/2006 6:04 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
Honestly, I think you're being sensitive where it's not necessary. If you looked through the "Something to Talk About" section, I know you found many other topics. They may have been spurred by posts on the board, but that's pretty normal and understandable as thinking about other's situations often leads you to ponder certain portions of them, or consider differences in the responders beliefs and experiences. Isn't that how conversation naturally flows, one topic leading to another and on and on? I wonder if you've read the other posts on the board, or if you primarily read only your own? If you read others, you no doubt found many posts regarding relationships that are a struggle. Relationship difficulties are what this board is about, after all, the name of the board is "Problem Solving for Couples". If all the relationships were smooth and easy (no work) no one would have a need to post here, would they?
Casey, after the literally hundreds of responses you got from people (Aisha included) offering everything they could to help you, I think suggesting that this post was directed towards you or is a criticism of you is off the mark.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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Please don't tell me how to feel. I don't think the way a person feels is wrong or right. Unfortunately, that's just the way I am. I'm the type of person that wears my heart on my sleeve. Yes, it gets be in trouble at times, but its just the way I'm built.
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Yes, I took it as she was signaling me out. I'm sure everyone here knows that she and I have butted heads in some of my threads and I didn't feel that way with anyone else. Therefore, I took her thread called "Relationship should be easy" on a personal level because of our stubborn ways on which we communicated.
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I never said you said anything. It was just one person in particular.
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I had no idea why she didn't think I appreciated her efforts/advice/suggestion and after the 2nd time of butting heads, I didn't feel I was welcome on this board anymore. But then I had another arguement with my hubby and was about to create another thread, when I read the "Relationship should be easy, no work" thread and thought it was directed at me. You know, I don't have many friends that I can just talk with (because they also know my hubby -- we know alot of the same people even before we got together, guess its just a small world), therefore, I started coming on this board to reach out. Reading her thread, just made me feel uncomfortable because I felt because her and I butted heads that is was directed at me. Sorry, its just the way I feel.
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To be honest, I don't really read other threads on the board. There's only been 2 threads that I read and one was her thread and the other was her b-day thread, which I replied to. Other than that, its usally my threads that I read. Please don't take that as being selfish, but because of the way my marriage is, I don't feel comfortable in making comments or reading other posts when I have my own problems, therefore, I mainly focused on my own threads. Hope this makes sense.
You have a right to feel what you feel... but that doesn't mean the thread had anything to do with you.
I think it's fine that you read only your own threads, I don't see anything wrong with that at all, I suspect many people do just as you've done; and really, considering the number of responses you got, I don't know how you could have time to read any others. But if everyone who struggled in their marriage took offense at Aisha's post there wouldn't be anyone left on the board.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
you write: "Or they put 10% effort into finding the RIGHT partner and 90% of effort into a romantic wedding."
Bingo...