HE WONT THROW AWAY PICTURES OF EX'S!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
HE WONT THROW AWAY PICTURES OF EX'S!!!
24
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 10:05am

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this board but it seemed as if I could get some real advice here so... I'll get straight to the point. Yesterday I asked my husband to throw away all the pictures of his ex-girlfriends. I told him that I felt disrespected. We'll be married a yr on December. He doesn't keep them out so that everyone can see them, he keeps them in a box in the closet. Anyways he said "NO". It made me really upset since I asked him sincerely not trying to be a bitch. I don't keep my ex's pics why should he. He told me that he doesn't trow away pics. Well the box doesn't just have pics it has old love letters from one ex who cheated on him(plus her pics). I asked him why don't you throw away hers and he said I'm fine with throwing hers away. But he wont throw away his other ex's pics. (girl before me, lets call her Larisa). I understand if he doesn't want to throw away prom pics, he went to Larisas prom, but all the other ones. He said the prom pics are the only pics he has of her... so I said too bad. but he still said no. He said he would send the box to his mom so she could keep it if I didn't want it in the house. Why would he want it at his moms? so he can go and look at them whenever he wants? I don't know. I'm just being jealous I know but hey, everyone gets a time they can be jealous and I picked this one. It really bothers me plus the fact that a few months ago (Larisa is a NFL cheerleader) he was showing off the fact that he went out with her to some guys here on the base. That really hurt me and this is making it worse. Am I wrong for wanting him to get rid of them. I know he wont and that box will forever have to be dragged a long with me. ugh... I'm just so frustrated with it. Yea... it was cute how he kept stuff while we were dating but now we're married and I think it's time for him to move on. He said he cant throw them away because it was a good and fun time in his life... I don't know. Should I just get over it?? Or does anyone have some advice on how to get him to get rid of them? HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 10:21am
Does he ever LOOK at this stuff or is it just in his closet? If he never looks at it, I would just let him keep his box of memories.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 2:36pm

I agree. I think he will let go eventually, in his own time. He's obviously committed to you. Let him have his "box of memories" for now. Maybe someday if you move to another home, you can address it again. If you force him to do anything he's not ready to do, he may be resentful. If you don't make a big deal out of it (because they are just photos in a box in a closet, not framed and on display), I'm sure that he'll adore his confident, beautiful wife all the more.

Men are slower than we are in some ways, I think. This is not a reflection on you or how he feels about you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 4:15pm

you write: "everyone gets a time they can be jealous and I picked this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 6:09pm

The other posters have said that he may get rid of the photos in his own time. But I wouldn't expect it. My memories are precious to me and nobody has the right to ask me to trash them.

I wouldn't throw away my old photos for anyone. And neither would my husband. My old photo albums are in a box (because I've got too many albums for the shelf). DH has far less photos so his are in an album on a shelf with our current photo albums.

I also believe that it's wrong of you to change your ideas regarding the photos after you marry. He married you hoping that you'd never change. He would have loved the fact that you thought keeping his photos was OK. He would have thought: "I'm marrying a self assured woman who has no problems with some old photos and memories".

Are you wrong for wanting him to get rid of them? YES. I believe that you're being totally unreasonable.




Edited 10/28/2006 6:26 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 11:01pm

Yeah, I think Aisha's right. I was one of the posters who said he'd lose the pics in his own time, but now that I think about it, he shouldn't have to.

He's got memories. So what. Some people keep things and others don't. As long as the now has the greatest significance in his life everything is groovy.

It's his life and he has a right to be proud of where he's been, especially if it gives him a perspective of how he's built up to meeting and marrying you, the one he DID choose to stay with for life.




Edited 10/28/2006 11:02 pm ET by straightshooter2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 11:37pm
How are pictures sitting in a box something he's "showing off"?


Just because you threw out your pictures doesn't mean he has to or that he should. I don't think you have a right to ask him to get rid of what are memories of his past, love letters included. I think he's been very generous in offering to store the pictures at his mothers, I think that's more than he needs to do. Just because he has pictures doesn't at all mean he wants or misses these girls, it's a part of his past, his mementos, he's entitled to keep them. I still have pictures of my old high school boyfriends. I smile every time I look at them (the very infrequent times I come across the photo album they're in). Do I want to get back together with these guys? You gotta be kidding. My husband wouldn't dream of asking me to get rid of them, the past has nothing to do with our present or our future, why would pictures of past relationships bother him? We can't undo the past, whether pictures exist or not it still happened. I actually know a guy in his 50's who's always carried a photo of his high school girlfriend in his wallet. His wife of 30 years thinks it's sweet, she feels it's a statement about the kind of sentimental guy he is.


The pictures are a part of his past, his memories, they're his and you have no right to ask him to get rid of them. If they cause you upset or concern, this is the issue you need to take a look at.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2002
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 10:25pm

Okay, so I'm sure you were using a fake name for that Larisa girl, but just for kicks, I googled "Larisa NFL Cheerleader" and she came right up. Sure she's pretty, but she's not special- nothing a few sits up and $399 teeth bleach couldn't do for any girl I know.

Yes, it sucks your husband think's he's so cool because he went out with her, but she's no threat to you. Give her a few years and a a french fry or two and she's practically as glamorous as a Walmart check out girl. No offense to Walmart check out girls everywhere, but we don't exactly have to claw at our husbands when one happens past.

Idea: sex yourself up with a few Crest White Strips and pay a little less attention to your husband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 10:35pm
Playing games is never a good idea in a relationship. Playing games and "pay backs" only make the situation more dysfunctional and cause more trouble, they only make problems worse and harder to resolve. Games are destructive and not a healthy, appropriate way to deal with problems.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:44am

you write: "Sure she's pretty, but she's not special- nothing a few sits up and $399 teeth bleach couldn't do for any girl I know."

shoooot... $599 for photoshop and you can airbrush yourself back to 23 every day of the week!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 7:53pm
I have a similar problem, but the digital age has given mine a new spin. My H keeps his pictures on a small portable hard drive that he takes to work with him - they were either taken with a digital camera, or he has scanned them. So he can see all the ex-GF pictures whenever he wants. If they were in a photo album stuffed in the closet, I would be ok with that. I do agree it's ok to have those memories and mementos, but to carry them with you all the time??? That doesn't feel right to me.

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