my dh wants me to be with other men!
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my dh wants me to be with other men!
| Tue, 10-31-2006 - 12:17pm |
I've been married for 12 years, with 3 kids. Our marriage has gotten better and more relaxed in the past 5. We had a "spontaneous, one time, do something exciting" night( I had sex in front of my husband) with his bestfriend 2 years ago and now he's obsessed with me being with another man. Everytime we are with other friends of his he makes comments to me and to them about me sexually. I've told him over and over again not to do it, that he's playing with fire and messing with my emotions. I even found him on a website that looks for people in the area willing to have a threesome. I freaked out and got really upset. He is always trying to "set me up" to be with other men in front of him and I don't know what to do. He's a great husband and an amazing father and I don't think its reason to end a marriage over but its bringing me down and I can't get that across to him. Have you seen the show "What About Brian" recently, we are in kinda the same scenario, and he may "get burned" if he pushes it. Most men would get jealous if another man wanted his wife but my husband likes it!

Hi hesitate2,
How exactly do you tell him that this is not something you want to do?
I was going to ask the same questions of you.
Just something else to add. Are you being tactful? Is "hurting his feelings" something that you are concerned about when discussing this?
(I'm wondering if he's getting mixed messages from you or perhaps you're not being blunt enough)
I think that you've got to change your responses.
Next time he asks you, try replying with a question. Say to him "I've told you in the past that this discussion makes me feel X, X and X. Why do you ask this of me when you know how it makes me feel?"
OMG! Swingers! I met some swingers at a party not too long ago- it's a whole LIFESTYLE, man. They live in the suburbs in nice houses, most are married for YEARS with all these grown kids and stuff. Yeah. Then they meet up at, like, swingers clubs and look for other freaky grandparents.
I'm not passing judgement- they seem to be having a great time! The old man I talked to was a dentist or something and his wife was babbling on about how they go to nudist resorts and yada yada.
Not my cup of tea, but you already screwed your husbands best friend. I guess nothing wrong with that either- maybe this is a good fit for you? If not, you never should have opened that can of worms, sister girl, because the next thing you know you'll be swapping double martinis at Club Med.
Edited 11/1/2006 9:16 am ET by velvetminxx
Read about my mommin' in Chicago!
I agree with Kim, I would suggest that you need to change how you're responding to him when he brings it up again. I wouldn't let him finish his suggestion, for one thing; as soon as I knew where he was going with it, I'd interrupt and firmly - angrily - tell him to stop- NOW. I wouldn't respond to his question by giving an answer, such as "I say NO, and I think about being with him.", I would simply become very angry and tell him I am fed up with ever hearing this again - period. By responding, even in telling him he's the one you want, you may be allowing his fantasy to continue, you're participating rather than stopping him. I would also tell him angrily and firmly that I am concerned that this issue is going to destroy the marriage. He's showing you a lack of respect by continuing to bring up a subject you've clearly told him you do not want to consider again.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"