Unfriendly friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2006
Unfriendly friend...
3
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 8:30pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating happily for a year and a half, recently he had a female friend of his tell him that she doesn't like me, that I make her uncomfortable and that she can't be around me in social situations. I have felt from the beginning of our relationship some tension between this friend and I, but could never place it. I have tried to be friendly with her, but she apparantly made up her mind about me a long time ago. The problem is, other than she can't apparantly be in the same room as me, is that she told my boyfriend, she's willing not to be friends with him, in order to avoid me. I told my boyfriend that I would do whatever he wanted me to do about the situation, although I'm really hurt by the whole thing, I don't want to be the type of girlfriend who says who he can and can't hang out with, but the fact of the matter is, if he does choose to hang out with this girl, I feel like she's won some sort of battle I didn't know we were fighting. What do I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 11:02pm
If you've genuinely been appropriate with this friend, and I have no reason to think you haven't, then it's not your problem, it's hers. I assume your boyfriend doesn't have an issue with how you've behaved around her, yes? If so, it's a simple as letting the ball stay in her court, where it belongs. If she has a problem with you, it's hers to solve and deal with, not yours to bend over backwards and try to solve for her. If she decides she can no longer be friends with your boyfriend, that's her choice.


If it's simply a matter of her not liking you, why doesn't she just choose to see your boyfriend when he's not with you? Nothing says your friends have to like your partners, her relationship is with him, not you. There's no reason for you to say who he can and cannot hang out with, nor is it appropriate. This isn't a battle, and if you just put it in her court, you'll look like the bigger person, the one who is not threatened, she'll look petty and whiney.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 11:21pm

If I was your bf, and a friend of mine said that about my SO that I loved, I'd tell the friend "ok, if you don't want to be friends because of my SO, that is your choice."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 3:21pm
Good point, Jen, that's something I overlooked. Favdtr2, how did you come to know about what your boyfriend's friend said? I assume your boyfriend told you about it? What does he think? What, if anything does he expect or want you to do about it, what's his take on the whole thing?







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"