Need help on boyfriend issues!!
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Need help on boyfriend issues!!
| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 3:14am |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five years. Well, we did have a break inbetween when we first started off in college. Well he decided to ask me back out. This time around was much better than the first time. I guess it was the time apart, not too sure. We did see each other from time to time. We stayed friends. Or should I say he had to crawl back to me because he couldn't stand being away from me. Well, to tell you the truth we became what is known as "sex buddies". Anyhow, we are together and I was excited when he asked me again. This time around I had recieved a promise ring.
So, now since he is working at his second job full time and quit the other place, things have changed a bit. At first it was fine. Now since he took a different shift he has been different himself. We don't spend anytime together. He basically goes to work at 5:30am, comes home around 6:30pm sometimes 7pm or later. And then if he gets a fire call, bam, out the door he goes in a flash. Well what I am trying to get at here, is I never see him and it hurts, it frustrating. He never tries or so it seems. We got into a fight today over it again. I told him how I felt and he yelled at me. I told him to just go to bed because he was falling asleep anyhow and the fight progressed. Heck, we don't even have sex anymore. I want it, we talk about it through text but then he comes home and does his uasul routine. Eats, and then sleeps. When I go into the room to try and spend time together for a bit he comes into the living room and then a long time later he comes into the room gets ready for bed and then lies down. Within 2 minutes he is passed out. I then tell him bye and he goes where are you going. I tell him on the comp. And then that's when he assumes I am going to leave him for some guy. No I come on here because I am bored and have nothing better to do. I am not about to stay in the bedroom to talk to the wall. LOL. If you ask me that's not right or fun for that matter.
Well, I am so sorry that it is this long. I hope someone can help me onto what to think or what to say. It upsets me because I don't get to see him. Maybe some advice. I want it to work out with him. I love him and I am proud at what he does. I am in fear everyday but I love him to death. We even talk about marriage from time to time. But staying in a relationship with no contact is hard. We only talk time to time through text but it's not much. It's just the quick I love you or I miss you text.
So please someone help me!!!!!
Mandi
So, now since he is working at his second job full time and quit the other place, things have changed a bit. At first it was fine. Now since he took a different shift he has been different himself. We don't spend anytime together. He basically goes to work at 5:30am, comes home around 6:30pm sometimes 7pm or later. And then if he gets a fire call, bam, out the door he goes in a flash. Well what I am trying to get at here, is I never see him and it hurts, it frustrating. He never tries or so it seems. We got into a fight today over it again. I told him how I felt and he yelled at me. I told him to just go to bed because he was falling asleep anyhow and the fight progressed. Heck, we don't even have sex anymore. I want it, we talk about it through text but then he comes home and does his uasul routine. Eats, and then sleeps. When I go into the room to try and spend time together for a bit he comes into the living room and then a long time later he comes into the room gets ready for bed and then lies down. Within 2 minutes he is passed out. I then tell him bye and he goes where are you going. I tell him on the comp. And then that's when he assumes I am going to leave him for some guy. No I come on here because I am bored and have nothing better to do. I am not about to stay in the bedroom to talk to the wall. LOL. If you ask me that's not right or fun for that matter.
Well, I am so sorry that it is this long. I hope someone can help me onto what to think or what to say. It upsets me because I don't get to see him. Maybe some advice. I want it to work out with him. I love him and I am proud at what he does. I am in fear everyday but I love him to death. We even talk about marriage from time to time. But staying in a relationship with no contact is hard. We only talk time to time through text but it's not much. It's just the quick I love you or I miss you text.
So please someone help me!!!!!
Mandi


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I assume your boyfriend has chosen a career as an EMT or a firefighter. As such, he works the long hours you describe, and probably also has times when he's at the station for 24 hour (or more) shifts at a time. If this is the profession he's chosen you need to take a hard look at what that means to you -- it means this is how it will be, it means this is what you'll have to accept and learn to deal with. If it's not the kind of life that you want, then you'll have to move on.
It's completely understandable that he'd be exhausted after his 12+ hour shifts; falling asleep after eating is probably all you can expect from him. I understand you being bored, but Mandi, you're responsible for entertaining yourself and occupying your own time, he isn't. You already know that when he gets home he's going to be beat, you already know you'll have his company through dinner, then you'll be on your own, so it's up to you to occupy your own time. Go out with friends, do things, join a gym, take a class, whatever sounds good to you - go do it. The fact is, if you want male companionship each evening, he's not the guy for you because he's not going to be able to supply you with what you want. So your options are be responsible for entertaining yourself or find a guy who can offer you the kind of relationship you want.
Since he's working those long hours, he should have long off days too, right? What do the two of you do on those days?
I understand that you'd like him to be more available to you on his working days, but that's not going to happen. You have to deal with what you've got. Truth is, regardless of the situation, you're responsible for occupying your time and entertaining yourself, not anyone else.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
> I appreciate the reply. We don't even do anything on his days off. He sleeps
> or he is out. I did join something. I am in the Ladies Auxilary. We don't eat
> dinner together. He goes into the room or
> goes out and gets something to eat. I see him the most in a week, if I get
> lucky, 10 mins. Our 5 year anniversary I let him be and I seen him for 5 mins.
> to give him his gift and he was off. I love
> the fact he is in the firehall and being an EMT. I have no problem with that. He
> does try to be with me at all. I when I had a job didn't sleep much. I came home
> from work and hung out with him until
> night when I can sleep or try to sneak in and hour or two of sleep. His mom even
> agrees with me that he don't spend enough time with me. I know he works a lot
> and I am fine with that. He got his
> dream at a young age and I love him for that. I am the one that pushes him out
> the door when he gets a fire call. I want him to make his calls not miss them. I
> know the firehall is the world to him.
> But his priorties are messed up sometimes. I am last usually on his list. His
> friend, which does nothing for him, is before me more than half the time. I don't
> know I guess you can say I am upset
> because it seems like I try more in this relationship than he does. But I thank
> you for a reply again. I appreaciate feed back. We talked today and got no
> where. But the thing I hate is neither of us
> can stay mad at each other so now we are basically fine so I am unsure. It's
> weird I guess you can say. Well talk later.
> Mandi
~*Mandi*~
I'll be checking back here for your answers ~
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
He started almost a year and a half ago, but he recently just got back into it. He stopped the EMT because of the attitude he was getting. Then I am the one that told him to get out of the horrible job he was in to go into the EMT again because that's what he loves and I wanted to see him happy.
Mandi
~*Mandi*~
You're saying on his off time he's at the firehouse, but if his friends call he goes out with them? And I suppose when you call you get reasons why he can't come home right now or promises to come home "soon" that aren't carried out?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
If he gets a fire call he goes and he can spend time down there with the guys but when he is home he tells me he is tired and is going to bed. I don't know. Every now and then I get frustrated at it, but at other times it's ok. I just feel lonely lol. If you can get what I mean. Yeah he always says be back in 30 mins. 3 hours later he decided to come in.
Mandi
~*Mandi*~
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Mandi
~*Mandi*~
Why don't you start at the beginning and explain the whole thing and explain in detail what's happened? Be sure to tell us when his parents got divorced, how old your boyfriend is now, what you think he's afraid of, what you think he's avoiding and why he doesn't want to be like his father. But please, don't stop with answering those questions, there's a lot of history that needs to be understood beyond those things. This doesn't sound like it has much to do with a work issue or a time with you issue at all. And if that's the case, addressing it like it is a work/time issue and an issue of spending time with you won't be addressing it properly and won't do a thing to help. If you're going to address a problem, you have to be addressing the right problem. Otherwise, your efforts are just as effective as taking cough medicine for the flu.
How old are you, BTW?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
Edited 11/14/2006 2:53 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
~*Mandi*~
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