Pre-Wedding Jitters?
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| Sun, 11-12-2006 - 3:37pm |
Let me start off by saying that I was in the process of ending a 6 yr. relationship with another guy when I met my current fiancee. This was back in 2001.I was going through a very bad time and while it wasnt working out with the old bf, the new current bf came along and took me out places and pretty much tried to win me over.It felt nice to actually have someone take me out and go to places like theme parks and places that my ex never took me.I broke up with the ex and jumped right into a relationship a couple of months later with this guy which is now my fiancee.
I ended up moving in with him and his mother because I had no place to go after I left my ex.I felt weird about moving in with him and several months later he ended the relationship with me.I couldn't blame him, after all, he really only had a few girlfriends and wasn't ready for this.So,even though it hurt like hell,I left and we still remained friends.We still kept in contact and in 2003 he started calling me. More than before and I could tell he wanted to get back together by the way he started coming over more often.We did start dating again around late 2003 and have been together ever since.We eventually moved in together in May 2005.Then in April of this year he proposed to me.
My problem is I was in love and very attracted to him up until a couple of months ago.I dont know why I've been feeling like this. I just find myself picking him apart.Like how he just throws his clothes on the floor and he can't cook.How he acts like a kid most of the time and constantly plays video games and watches wrestling with his nephew, which by the way is staying with us because him and his mother got evicted from their apt.(but that's another story)Also,he moved out of his mothers and in with me and never had any type of independence before me or sexual experiences before me.He told me he was a virgin just recently.BTW, he's 26.Not that there's anything wrong with that.But my problem is, since I'm his first,do you think he will be curious to mess with other women? I'm kindof afraid that we jumped into this marriage thing too soon.Before I was the one who talked him into this whole let's get married thing. Now I'm afraid I made a mistake!
I know that's how he was when we first met and I was attracted to him then, but now I'm felling like he's turning me off.Sometimes I feel like mommy yelling at her son when I tell him to pick up his clothes, or get irritated when he says something stupid.Or how he doesn't have any career goals, etc...Then I make myself think of the great things about him, like how he tells me he loves me 20 times a day and how he always wants me there by his side. He could care less about hanging with the guys.And even though he's a pig at home, he does go out of his way to do little things for me. So I'm just really confused.Is every relationship like this? This is the reason why I broke up with my ex and now I feel like I have to do this mess all over again.Will I ever find someone who satifies me? Sorry post was so long!! Thanks for your responses!!

When is the wedding?
I'm a little confused as to why you'd be so quick to worry about whether or not he's going to be satisfied with you when there are very real and serious issues right in front of you -- whether he'll be satisfied with you shouldn't be a concern at this point, taking a look at the fact that you're not happy with him is the most important thing to address because if you're not happy with him, it doesn't matter whether he'll be satisfied with you or not. Or, are you looking for a reason to break up that won't make your feelings the reason for it?
I also think you know this is more than pre-wedding jitters since these are the very reasons you ended your previous engagement. I haven't heard you voice any regrets on ending your previous engagement, I expect it's because you know it was the right thing to do. I suspect you're thinking the same thing about this relationship, are you?
I think it's very important for everyone to spend a good deal of time being self sufficient, and your boyfriend hasn't had any of that. He's gone straight from being taken care of by mommy to his surrogate mommy - you. He needs to be on his own and be his own person. If you feel this relationship is worth a chance, I would strongly suggest you not take it further until he's lived on his own for a good period of time -- like a year. Without having had to be responsible for himself he'll completely expect to be taken care of and to have you pick up where his mother left off. I think though, that there are some maturity issues involved; it doesn't appear that he's on the same level as you are.
I think taking a good hard look at why you've chosen a relationship that is nearly identical to your previous one is an important thing to do. I think moving ahead would be making a big mistake. I'd also suggest reading the book "Are You the One For Me?" by Barbara DeAngelis
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I agree with 2ndLife and firstammendment.
These are not pre-wedding jitters they are pre-divorce indicators.
Think long and hard on this one....he is not changing, so don't even go there.
George