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| Sat, 11-18-2006 - 1:56pm |
I am curious as to what you guys think. I am seeing this guy and we are both 20 and in college. We have gone out over the past but I broke it off a few times. It seems that whenever we break up, he tries to win me back so much and hes really sweet and I like him but the second I kinda give in and show my affection, he doenst call or text or im me like he did a few days before. I really like him and i want it to work. We got back together kinda like a week ago, not officially but we said we loved each other and have strong feelings for each other. Last night we had a stupid fight and fixed it. Today he didnt im me the second he woke up and doesnt aim me like he always does. Is it because I said i love him again and now maybe the thrill of the chase is over for him and he loses interested? He showed me and showered me with so much affection trying to win me back and now today, he wont even im me really. I think thats so wierd...he would im me like 10 times a day..and now..Im just waiting. Should I back off too and not c him ton? We spent some good times this week together and he always wants to c me everyday and talk to me every second. i dont get it. Does he only like me when he cant have me and i back off?

I found your post while checking in on the board. I won't be able to reply for a while, but wanted to provide your previous posts so that others can have the benefit of a better understanding of your situation:
paying
paying2
romance
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Tunatartar, being able to put this in context with your previous issues, it would seem that you expect far too much of a boyfriend. And then your are disappointed when they don't deliver your unreasonable expectations.
No man will message you 10 times per day forever. Perhaps they will during the rush-filled early few weeks, but not once the relationship gets more comfortable. Also, no man will continue to message you the moment he wakes.
If you see him in college, there is no need for any phone or messaging contact. Instead, you talk during your breaks. If you DON'T see him at college, one phone call per day would be quite reasonable. And expect those phone calls to be initiated by you about 50% of the time. And don't expect ANY messages unless there's a reason such as making plans to meet up.
This relationship probably can work, but you need to get reasonable with your expectations. Remember, don't expect phone or messages when you will see each other that day. And one phone call if you don't see each other.
If you can't get your head around lowering your expectations, you're going to be perpetually disappointed in your relationships.
You've already said that you recognize what's happening as a pattern of behavior, he steps up his attention when you break up, you go back because he's finally being like you want him to be, then once the relationship is back on track he goes back to being himself. Since you recognize it as a pattern, then you know when he steps up his attention it's not who he really is or how he's going to continue to be, so why do you go back?
This guy hasn't been right for you since day one. Why are you sticking with someone who you know isn't what you want? End it, refuse any and all communication and move on with your life. The only person who can end this merry-go-round ride is you. Stay in it and continue to have the same result or stop it and move on. It's your life, your choice.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Dont waste your time with this one.
I'm positive that tunatartar dumped the guy who didn't shower her with gifts.
This post is about a new boyfriend. Hence him acting like a new boyfriend first up and then settling into more of a normal routine.
Tuna, is this the same guy?
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"