confused --- pregnancy involved
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| Sun, 11-19-2006 - 8:32pm |
Due to the nature of the problem, I can't use their names and will instead use initials.
I am writing for my best friend because she (R) has nowhere to turn. R is in her 20's and one night she got drunk at another friends (J's)house. When R was drunk at J's house, J's little brother (P)--age 17years,9 months-- had sex with her. P was sober, R was not; but P was a minor. I know this is considered rape, however a minor did it. Anyhow, R got pregnant from this night -- and that's how I get to where I'm at now.
R and P were always good friends, but not like that. P admitted to sleeping with R, R was sad and hurt. R did not press charges because it would ruin P's life. Instead R and P started spending more time together, no sex involved. R and P actually fell in love, and they are having a baby together. P turned 18 on November 1 and then they moved the relationship to the next level.
R is now almost 4 months pregnant. P still lives at home with his parents, and wants to move out. His parents are trying to say that he is mentally challenged, and threatened to have him arrested or put in a mental inst if he moves out. P does get SSI because he has ADHD and is bi-polar, his parents only want the $600 a month he get. P is under control and was recently at a doctor that said he didn't need the meds because P has learned self control. However P does take the meds to make his mom happy. This is really putting a strain on their relationship, because his parents only want the money, they don't want him. Has anyone ever dealt with anything like this? What would your advise be for P so he can move? R is very confused as to what her options are. By the way they live in PA.

You'll hate this, but if J gets SSI because of ADHD and bipolar issues, he's pretty seriously affected. I would say his parents are very likely concerned for his interest and welfare. I would tell you that it wouldn't be at all uncommon for an 18 year old to have the opinion that his parents are only interested in the money, at 18 what seems perfectly clear is most often not at all the case and what seems unjust is not at all unjust. It's also pretty normal for an 18-year old to be of the opinion that their parents do not want them. If P's doctor says he no longer needs meds and is in control of himself, why doesn't he just have the doctor attest to this? That would end the entire problem.
Moving in with an 18-year old boy who has emotional issues that are serious enough that he receives SSI support should be the last thing a girl should consider doing. Adding such an 18-year old into a situation that will involve a child is highly concerning. Caring for a newborn and young children is incredibly difficult and stressful for the most capable of adults. Teenagers in general face incredible difficulty, and challenged teenagers would be a recipe for disaster. I expect this boys parents are trying to save him from getting himself into a situation that he may not recover from -- and I'm not talking about ADHD or Bi-Polar issues.
I'm also concerned about someone who would "fall in love" and "take a relationship to the next level" with someone who she feels raped her. If she doesn't feel it was rape, based on what you've said, she certainly felt taken advantage of as she didn't press charges so as "not to ruin his life". This is not a recipe for love and happiness, this is a recipe for destruction and disaster.
If your friend wants help with her relationship with J, please encourage her to post it on her own.
~ cl-2nd_life"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."
~ Author unknown
Edited 11/20/2006 3:47 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
YOu need to invite