I love him, but don't want his drug use

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I love him, but don't want his drug use
4
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 1:52pm

My boyfriend and I celebrated our one year anniversary on Friday. On Saturday, I woke up and he was gone. He called 3 hours later and said he was on his way. He didn't show up till almost 4 hours later. When he got back he said he had been out smoking crack. I told him to stay out with the rest of the crackheads and made his sleep outside. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became and I went ahead and threw his stuff out of the house yesterday. I have not seen him since.

He told me that he used to smoke crack years ago and that he was thru with drugs. I believed him and have seen no signs of drug usage. But I wouldn't see the signs if he's an undercover crackhead like I suspect he is. I am in love with him, and it breaks my heart that we are no longer a couple. Yet I feel I did the right thing (he could have told me the truth that he was out doing crack). Not tell me that's he's on his way home and still never show up. We based our relationship on truth and honesty and I fell all that is shattered. Please give me some advice ...did I do the right thing, should I try to help him with his addiction (he was married before and his ex wife said she tried to help him with this). I feel he's already been in this position before and I don't want to babysit anyone just to keep them away from drugs. He got so arrogant when I confronted him about it that I told him that I hated him and never wanted to see him. Truth is I am in love with him and this hurts. Please give me some guidance on this and help me be strong. Thanks for listening. pinkie34

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:11pm

Hi pinkie,


I think you absolutely did the right thing by throwing him out -- you're stopping the heartache before it starts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 10:25pm

When my mom married my dad, he gave up smoking pot for her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 12:44am
I'm sorry you're going through this, I'm sorry you were faced with the decision you were faced with, but Tamsheart, you did exactly the right thing. From what his ex said, it seems clear that he is an addict. If he's using - even once - he's not in recovery, he's actively using. Even if it's "just once" or "just once in a while", he's almost certainly on his way to full blown use. He knows what addiction is like and apparently (or perhaps not if he's a closet user) knows what it takes to stay clean. Despite that, he's chosen to use. That tells you everything you need to know. If he told you he was on his way then didn't show up for hours it's clear he's out of control. It's not as though he chose a time that he could use where he had not commitments, nowhere he needed to be, when he'd be alone for a block of time (not that an addict can do that), the fact that he used when he had places to be illustrates he's out of control.


I know you know everything I've said, I thought writing them out might make some things that you know but hadn't thought about clear and help you know you've absolutely done the right thing.







~ cl-2nd_life

"You can't control the length of your life,
but you can control the width and depth."

~ Author unknown

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"Ignoring the facts
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 7:13pm
that is really hard because my boyfriend used to sell drugs and i hated it. i couldnt take it anymore but i stuck by him. after 7 years he finally stopped selling. it is still tough though and crack is serious. i think you did the right thing. you never know what could have happened he could have started to take money and things from you, friends or family. he has a problem and only he can help it and want to stop. you can be there but that is going to just bring you down. stay away from him. you are very smart for doing what you did even though how hard it was... good luck