i dont know wht he means....?? pls help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
i dont know wht he means....?? pls help
12
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 11:58am
my boyfriend said the other day tht "honey will u do me a favor, pls put on some weight..u'll look good" . the problem is tht he himself is 6 fet 2 inches tall and a little over weight and iam 5 feet 6 inches tall and a skinny. He says tht we will balance out as a couple if i gain some pounds (btw i have no tendency and have always been thin 110 lbs)..i wonder if he's being honest wid me or just NOT ATTRACTED TO ME..pls help

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 12:38pm
Delurking...it sounds like he is insecure with his body image. He wants you to change to make him feel better, if that makes sense. I say if you're happy and healthy leave yourself alone and maybe encourage him to lead a healthier lifestyle. Perhaps you all could work out together. In any case, I'd let him know how his comments made you feel and see if he can clarify a bit more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 1:01pm
That sounds like hog wash to me! I speak from experience when I say that it doesn't matter how you look together "as a couple" when both are comfortable with each other as well as with the others individuality. I am older, taller and yes heavier than my DH of 16 yrs and he has never: #1 asked me to loose weight, #2 not to stand up, or that I could go anywhere with him because I'm too old. I'd tell him to either loose weight himself if he feels that will "balance you out as a couple" or he can accept you and himself as you both are and be "a couple". Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 2:06pm
any guy with any ounce of brain in his head would not make any comment about his girlfriend's body unless he was into opening up a can of worms.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 4:02pm

It could also be that he's worried for your health - because you are significantly underweight.

However, I also understand that some of us can't put weight on till we're older (35+) and if you're one of these people, there's nothing you can do anyway. My own daughter will probably be in the same situation as you when she's older. She's so skinny that I have to alter all her clothes to fit!

In short, if you can't put weight on, explain this to your boyfriend. But if you can put weight on, another 10-15lbs would see you at a far healthier BMI.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:07am
A few questions for you Zulekhajee ~


  • Have you ever had an eating disorder?
  • Has your doctor expressed concern for your weight or suggested you should put on some weight for your health?
  • Does your doctor say you're healthy and appropriate at this weight?


    I'm not pointing fingers or suspecting anything, but these things are important for me to rule out before giving you an answer.






  • ~ cl-2nd_life

    "You can't control the length of your life,
    but you can control the width and depth."

    ~ Author unknown

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    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 11-21-2006
    Wed, 11-22-2006 - 5:41am
    well i dont have any eating disorder.,.,infact i eat alot (but dont have a tendency to gain) and never skip meals. My doctor never said anything about my weight and he says iam fine. however my boyfriend binges when we go on lunch/dinner dates and obviously i can't keep pace with him; a couple of times i have advised him to exercise and he was understanding. but it's only recently tht he has started tellin me to put on some weight..,.,,,i guess its to shut me up so tht i dont get after him to loose some..
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 10-13-2004
    Wed, 11-22-2006 - 3:46pm

    >>i guess its to shut me up so tht i dont get after him to loose some..<<

    I think that's a very good guess! I bet he's letting you know how it feels to be on the receiving end of advice.

    Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Wed, 11-22-2006 - 10:19pm
    I would guess you're right - he's letting you know how it feels to be told you need to gain/lose weight, and, since you didn't like it, I'd guess you got the message and will stop with the weight loss suggestions, huh? Sounds like the message he was sending was that he's not the only one who could change here.


    You have every right not to be happy with a guy who's weight isn't where you feel it should be, you can't expect someone to change their weight for you, or appreciate being told their overweight (or underweight). If the guy who's right for you is someone who's fit and trim, your guy isn't the one for you because he's not. Same with your boyfriend - if he wants a girl who's got more meat on her bones, that's his own personal preference and he's entitled to have it, but if that's the case you're not the girl for him. In other words, if you can't accept him as he is, moving on to someone else is what you'll need to do. Losing or gaining is something a person can only do for themselves; if they aren't determined, dedicated and motivated to do it for themselves, it's not going to happen. Being told you need to lose/gain weight won't make a difference. The desire has to come from him.







    ~ cl-2nd_life

    "You can't control the length of your life,
    but you can control the width and depth."

    ~ Author unknown

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 12-27-2004
    Thu, 11-23-2006 - 11:23am
    As you and your boyfriend get older, he is likely to eat the same amount, but exercise even less. If you are concerned about his weight now, just wait. Cl-2nd_life's advice is very good: since you can't change him, you will either have to accept him or move on.
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 09-15-2004
    Sat, 11-25-2006 - 8:53pm
    Men do like a girl with a little meat.It doesnt mean get fat.I use to be 110 lbs,and my hubby cheated on me with a fat girl,I mean fat!!! I felt awful but,I had some men tell me why guys prefer a lil meat.it has to do with sex,and a lil meat somewhere is better then a bony pelvic,I hate to tell ya that,i have heard it so many times..Men are pigggs.sorry.

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