Husband makes me sick
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| Sat, 11-25-2006 - 5:27pm |
I am really sick and tired of my husband. He is such a jerk sometimes I could scream. I don't even know if I feel like fixing this. The same problems over and over regarding my children. I have 2 girls ages 14 and 22 from a previous marriage.
I took my 14 year old to grandma's because she wanted to spend some time there. Daughter calls to say she thinks she may have left her money here at home. I found her money on the floor and told her I would take it to her later in the day. No biggie.
Oldest daughter who is 22 works a lot. Something my husband doesn't do. Daughter called and asked since we were going to grandma's anyway could we pick up her clothes and bring them to her. It's about a 1/2 mile drive to get her the clothes. She can't get a break because of her job, they are short handed. Husband blows up and says he will "JUMP" because that is what he supposed to do and goes and takes a shower. I told him I would take the money to my daughter, pick up older daughters clothes and he could just stay home. He blows a gasket and says "NO, I will jump like I am supposed to because your daughter is too f****** lazy to get her clothes. LAZY? who the he11 is lazy here. DH hasn't worked in about 6 months, stayed in bed from 3am this morning to 3:30 pm today. Doesn't do a thing around here but watch tv and play on the internet. We live off my income. I wish he would leave, but he doesn't have a dime to his name, nor a car. I don't want to live like this with someone who says things about MY kids. No one is going to talk ill of my children who are good kids. I am ready to leave, move to my moms and let him deal with paying all the bills on his zero income. Someone please just shoot me.

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you write: "
the only thing that is stopping me is I feel guilty. Husband has no family to speak of except a half brother in NJ. Husband is always telling me that he has nobody but me. He is being a horses butt. I let him have it over the girls. I told him that he could just shove it and I didn't even want to talk him. He makes me so angry because he wants to sugarcoat everything. He starts this crap about needing to go to the store and get ME my tea that I was going to go get. All of a sudden now he is up for going to the store and running around, even going back out to get my youngest daughter because she wants to come home.
He comes up to me and wants a stupid kiss before he leaves. This happens every single time. I don't want to give him a stupid kiss and I tell him that I don't. He insists like a little kid. It happens every single time. He just thinks it will blow over because he is positive that I love him. I am sick of him. He doesn't know how sick I am of him. I regret ever meeting him. I regret marrying him. It's really sad that things have gone from pretty good to terrible over 4 years of a so called marriage. I have told him that I am not happy. If he just had a family, I would put him on a plane and send him away.
Is
I wouldn't put up with that either.
It sounds like he spouts off, then regrets what he's said or sees your reaction and is trying to get himself back in your good graces, and turns into "Mr. Nice and Helpful". Is that your take on it too? Is he actively looking for work? Has he always had this attitude toward your daughters, or is it maybe since he's been unemployed? How does he feel about not working?
I'm wondering if this is situational; if he's depressed/angry about not working, it's spilling out into other areas and you're not only tired of supporting all of you but you're understandably sick of his attitude as well. What do you think? How long have you been married? How long have you been unhappy?
"Someone please just shoot me."Lol, Kaytaynika, I hear you!
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
From the male perspective....I am sure part of his anger is anger with himself.
I want to thank those who have answered. My husband walked in to check on me and asks me what I am doing. I tell him I am typing and he asks me "are you talking to Ronnie?" Ronnie is an air force friend of mine who happens to be 6 years younger than me whom I grew up with, next door neighbor, who husband is just so jealous of, he can't see straight. This is so stupid. He actually said to make sure I tell him (DH) when the wedding is! This is the stupid kind of nonsense he will say and then tell me that he is just kidding, but that he is jealous of my friendship with Ronnie. Ronnie lives 600 miles away for crying out loud.
I forgot to mention that I have never wanted to go to counseling with husband. He will say all kinds of crap, like the idea that he has that I mentally abuse him? Because I tell him to grow up and act like a man? To get a job? That is mental abuse?
I didn't mention that I am 43 years old, DH is 44. He was 40 and living with his mother when he met me. STUPID ME! I should have known better. I was living on my own with my 2 daughters. When I got married to DH his mother came with the package. She lived with us for 18 months. I think during that time DH didn't work at all. He has no college education, but has 16 years experience as an assistant store manager. No one wants to hire him because he smokes like a chimney and always has to have a fricken cup of coffee in his hand, and can't sit still. I am a nurse and I asked him one time if he had ever been diagnosed as hyperactive. Guess what? He was on medication when he was a kid because of hyperactivity. He needs to be on it NOW! He makes me nutty with these habits.I make him smoke outside. I don't care if it's 10 degrees outside.
He tried to correct my oldest daughter 3 years ago and she ended up moving out and going to my mothers home. I feel bad for her. She is now 22 and working, trying her best at life. I miss her. She was here for Thanksgiving, but she can't stand DH. Plus 14 year old youngest DD can't stand him either. They voice their opinions to me all the time. I feel so stuck. I feel that he ran my oldest daughter away. I feel like maybe my oldest feels like I chose him over her. That is not so, but it looks that way.
Sorry this is so long. I have so much to get out. I wish I could talk to my pastor, but he just lost his wife to cancer and it's just not a good time. DH doesn't seem to think there is a problem. He does blame me though because he thinks I am going to leave him. YES! I am thinking about it everyday!
I don't understand why you are still with the guy - or what possessed you to get together with him in the first place.
There must have been some good times at the beginning of the relationship. Mind you, even if there weren't I don't understand why he doesn't tidy his act up and find himself a job. Yes, it will be difficult at his age but really, what other option is there for an adult male?
Given the situation I think that it would be better to leave. I don't know why you are still there. Perhaps he *is* making you feel guilty? You dismiss his efforts in that area yet you talk about how he says that you're the only thing that he's got etc etc. Maybe that IS the only thing holding you there?
The only other option is to tell him to sort himself out and get a job (any job) within, say, two months - or you leave.
Hey Westie, nice to see you over here! Would love to see you stick around for a bit - you're always an asset to a board.
Kaytaynika, I can't help but believe that it's time for you to be honest with him. Telling him you love him when you don't is not helping your cause at all. Does he know just how close you are to leaving? Do you think it would change anything if he did know?
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