will he forgive me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2006
will he forgive me?
5
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 11:19am
I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and i am afraid that I have crossed a line he will not forgive me for. We have been struggling alot lately due to the fact that he does not have a job and I feel like he has been taking his frustration out on me. I know how hard it must be for him right now but I feel like I have been very supportive and still not being treated the greatest. Not that I expect alot right not but it would be nice to feel like he appreciates me instead of feeling like I just frustrate him all the time.
Anyway, about 6 months ago we broke up for about a week. I was at a work party (a little intoxicated) and one of my co-workers leaned in and kissed me. I did not kiss him back but I did not pull away either. He was very sweet and sincere and very interested in me. Although I was interested in him at the time, in the end I decided to patch things up with my bf.
I'm not sure what came over me Wednesday night but out of nowhere I started to think about this kiss I had and made a very bad decision. I sent my co-worker a text message saying these exact words: "I tell you this in confidence (because I do have a bf) but I never forgot the kiss and I think about it alot."
The very next night my boyfriend went through my phone when I was sleeping and found the text message. Needless to say he is very hurt. He told me that he needs time to get over this but I'm afraid that time won't be enough.
I'm a very insecure person and I know that part of why I did what I did was for attention. I do not like my co-worker and I know how wrong it was to string him along like that. I love my boyfriend and I would do anything to take back what I did. But I'm afriad there is no justifiable reason to do such a thing. So how do I fix this??? Will he be able to forgive me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 11:59am

There isn't a whole lot you can do to get him to forgive you -- that part is entirely up to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 12:13pm
He claims he had a heads up from someone in my "circle of friends". Which I don't see how that's possible because he doesn't know very many of my friends and none of my friends knew about my co-worker. I think it's a little hipocritical of him but I don't have a leg to stand on with that defense.
Thanks for your reply. It means alot...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 4:13pm

Tell him you are sorry.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 5:15pm
If he doesnt forgive you I'd say that it's time to move on. Honestly what you did... not great but it happens, especially when you're young and in a new shaky relationship. I've been there and done that when I was 22, and I know the feeling. If you ask around you might find that many people have been there and learned from situations like this. In my case my then bf and I were able to work it out.. he realized that his (then) constant preoccupation with school and taking stress out on me was driving me away and I realized that trying to get attention by flirting with other men is destructive to a relationship and there are more constructive and mature ways of dealing with problems. We got married 5 years after that incident , have been married almost 3 years, and we are very happy together.
Why did your bf check your phone anyway? If he tries to blame you completely.. I'd say.. be honest and say sorry but definitely discuss what drove you to do this. It's not just your problem and he had a part to play in this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 9:36pm
The others are right, there is nothing you can do to fix this or help him forgive you; either he will or he won't, you can't sway him.


You say the reason he had for looking at your phone was questionable. Did friends know you'd sent the text to this co-worker? Has he looked through your phone (or email or anything else) before?


You also say that the reason you sent the text was for attention and that you don't really like this co-worker at all. I think that's very concerning behavior. Saying things designed to keep this guy's attention so he'll continue to pay attention to you and stroke your ego is pretty destructive. It puts you in the uneasy situation of having someone come after you who you aren't interested in, and it tells a guy that you like him when in reality you don't. That's very hurtful and destructive to him, it's using him and it's mean. Are you and your boyfriend having problems? If this attention-getting behavior is something you recognize as something you do, have you considered seeing a counselor or therapist to help you take a look at why you have such a need for attention? I think it would be a very healthy and helpful thing to do.


I'll be checking back for your answers ~







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








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