Houston vs. Austin
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| Wed, 12-06-2006 - 9:32am |
I'll keep this brief:
My boyfriend (who I have no doubt I will marry) lives in Austin, TX, where he purchased a home a year ago.
I live in Houston, TX. I am not a home owner.
I am in a very good career... lots of potential for movement - excellent pay.
He does not like his job... in fact hates his field of work. Has expressed being ready for a change.
I am currently in graduate school and will be for a minimum 2 more years.
Here is the dilemma... he is convinced that we will make our lives together in Austin because he loves the city so much. I, however, cannot transfer to Austin and do not want to leave the career/company I have worked years to attain here in Houston.
I don't know how to approach the subject and let him know how I really feel without poo-poo'ing on his beloved city. We are both very level-headed but hard-headed people and I can foresee this being the one issue that might make it or break it.
Thoughts?

We have "officially" been together since April...
Background: We are old friends who reconnected about a year and a half ago. We clicked on a different level this time around and it has been wonderful. He is 39 and I am 35. Neither ever married, neither have (or want) children.
With that said, the feeling of "you just KNOW" is there for both of us. It is not critical to make moving decisions any time soon, but it is getting a little old traveling on weekends to see each other. Although the distance is minor, it is still far enough to leave us both lonely during the times we can't be together.
I am personally ok with the long distance thing for now as graduate school and career are keeping me very busy, but he is needier than I am in this area. He constantly gets depressed about it and doesn't understand how he has "met the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with but still feels alone." That is why I worry about how to approach it.
Anyway... rambling.
AMY
Have you talked to him about why he doesn't want to move from his area?
Unfortunately, there are no decent sized cities in the middle.. and the middle would put us both traveling over an hour to work daily - neither of us would be happy with that at all.
He and I have not talked about "why," rather, he is very vocal around others about how much he loves Austin and that this is the third and final time he attempted to live there. I have other speculations about his reasons for not relocating...
1. He just purchased his first home at almost 40. He feels like it is his baby and has even said he would live there for the rest of his life. (Hmm... even if I did move to Austin, I would not live there... it just wouldn't be "ours.")
2. Although he does well for himself, he does not have his college degree. I think deep down he feels like uprooting himself from his current position (even though he hates it) would present him an embarrassing laundry list of rejections from degree-seeking employers. He definitely is in a comfort zone.
ho hum...
For now, why not just remind him how happy you are where you are, the company you're with, etc., followed by, "I'm not sure I want to make that move, but let's just play it by ear for now and see what happens down the road." Since you've got two more years before a move is foreseeable (I assume) that gives plenty of time for lots of things to change, his love of Austin and your love for your current job included. It also lets him know a move is not written in stone. You've got lots of talking time for this.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"