Help - Spending money, little white lies
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Help - Spending money, little white lies
| Sun, 12-10-2006 - 3:42am |
Ladies I could use a little help please. I want honest opinions here and would appreciate anything that you think would help me.

heatherc622,
My mother is the exact same way. Although it's not just $30 here and there, we're talking thousands each month. When anyone tries to confront her we get the "I'm not worthy, I'm going to kill myself" flip out. She's even taken her gun and locked herself in a room when my Dad confronted her about having $2,000 in bounced check charges and $5,000 worth of charges for fake jeweley from QVC in one month. This year alone she has purchased 4 horses, totalling over $13,000 and lied about every single one of them.
In trying to deal with the fact that my own mother is a pathalogical liar when it comes to everything, she's unrealiable and a drain to my father I have come to the idea that people in your situation do this because they are needing to fill a void that is in their lives. Wether it's from a past occurance or a present. Then the guilt of doing it or the overwhelming need to cover lies with more lies and so on just makes it worse. My mother has had mental issues steming from her teens because her father died and because of all her lies she's constantly living in a state of anxiety that someone will find out the things she does.
For some reason instead of dealing with it and getting help she has over the course of the last 50 years decided that prescription drugs, lying, spending money and becoming a total drain on her family is the best way instead of councelling. She even makes fun of people who see councellors. I don't know if she really believe's the lies she tells or if she knows she's lying and causing damage but deep down really doesn't care. It's starting to ruin her relationship with me because I'm getting to the point where I don't want to take her bull like everyone else does.
I know that my father, my sister and me should step in and do something. For some reason my father and sister won't and I can't do it on my own. I know that it's going to one day come down to me totally flipping out on her with all my built up anger, which could lead to totally damaging our relationship. I'm getting to the point though that I don't really care. The sad part is that I'm having a baby in February and I don't know how I'm going to deal with my child growing up with a unrelyable, liar for a grandmother who pops pills. Please don't do this to your husband and kids. Find a way to figure it out and fix it.
I could be way off here. Just throwing this out.
Best of luck,
defleppardgal
Defleppardgal
Maybe you and your husband should sit down together and talk about how to handle this. You know you have a spending problem already. One possible solution could be that instead of using credit cards, that you could take out cash for purchases and don't carry the cards with you. If you don't have enough cash, then you can't buy things you can't afford.
When the monthly bills are done, your husband should sit down with you and you should both go over everything together. That way he knows exactly what is happening and you have less ability to lie. This helps make you more accountable.
You should also consider talking to a counselor. There are probably underlying reasons that you're spending so much.
Wow that was scarey!! I am not that bad at spending the money and going about things that bad. I uhhh. WOW I don't know what to say, but that is horrible and I just thought I was bad. I don't feel so bad now.
But I am slowly working on it. I know it's going to take a long road to go down, but I am working on it. I pray that I can get it to work for my family and I.
What I blow the money on is usually buying stuff for the kids all the time or like i will take a bills money to pay something else that I had not paid because I took the money for groceries and still ended up splurging on extra stuff like crayons, toys, etc. and ending up blowing about 30 - 60 when we didnt' even have it.
But I don't take drugs, drink, etc. But I am on a antidepressant (Prozac) that I take one a night but I am not that bad..
I appreciate the comment and makes me realize that if I do not take control now I could get that bad down the road.
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
HEATHER
Busy Mommy of 3 Busy Bees
*Brittany* 01.27.1998
*Desiree'* 11.07.2000
*Samuel* 01.02.2004
Wife to:
*Samuel Jr.* 12.27.1997
HEATHER
Signs and Symptoms of Compulsive Spending/Shopping
What is Spending Addiction - And How Do I Know if I have It?
Shopping and Spending
Family Finances: Shopping 'til you drop may be a sign of addiction
Shopping Spree, or Addiction?
Please note that the amount of the purchase and the ability to pay do not necessarily enter into this problem. If you're in the early stages, you won't have hit the levels that those who are fully into the throes of their addiction have hit - spending more money than they have. The fact that you're only spending $30 isn't as important as the fact that you don't need to make the purchase, are dipping into bill money to spend it and are lying to your husband about it; those are marks of an addict. These aren't white lies, Heather, these are lies to cover up your problem.
I hope you deal with your problem with the help of an addiction program or specialist before it destroys you and your marriage. I've known men who have divorced their wives in order to save everything they have from being destroyed by the continued debt being racked up by their wife's addiction. Don't let this be you.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I think you need to get to the bottom of why you're spending so much, first of all. What are you hoping the extra stuff will make up for? Are you unsatisfied with something in your life? Did you grow up with people who did not manage money well?
Second, you really need to stop lying. Small lies are still hurtful and the damage they can cause may very well destroy your marriage. You need to own up to your problem with your dh. His response may well suprise you.
Third, HOW are you spending the money? Are you using cash, check, credit cards, etc? I would suggest not even carrying checks or credit cards (or debit cards) with you when you shop. I suggest using cash for your purchases until you have a handle on this issue. Perhaps your dh could help by taking over the bill paying for a time and giving you so much cash that you can spend. I know how difficult money issues can be, so don't feel like you're alone.