Addiction Issues
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| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:40pm |
Hi...I am really new at this so bear with me. I needed someone to talk to and saw this on the news the other day.
Hmmmmm....where do I even begin? My husband and I have been together for 13 years and married for 10. About 7-8 years ago he hearniated two discs in his neck in an on the job accident and our lives have never been the same. Now everything is centered around his injury and his pain. About 3 years ago after 4 surgeries the doctors put him on a "wonderful new pain relief program" to help deal with the pain. I am saying this very sarcastically! So, now three years later my husband is a product of Morphine addiction more commonly known as Oxycontin. It has ruined our lives and our marriage is not doing so great either. Our sex life if pretty much non-existent, and everything in our lives resolve around this horrible drug. Of course since he is in the grasp of this addiction he doesn't see all of these issues and I am just over reacting. It has gotten so bad that I have to hide his pills and give them to him everyday otherwise he takes 100 pills in in 1 1/2 to 2 weeks and then goes off of them for 2 weeks which is absolute hell. I have thought about a separation but if I were to leave he would probably be dead within a few months from overdose. I have talked to his Dr. about it and have gotten no where.
To add to all of this we went to his company Christmas party a few weeks ago. One of his supervisor's is obviously very attracted to me and has said as much to my husband. While at the party there was quite a bit of flirting. Now....two weeks later he is all I can think of.
My life is so out of control right now I just don't know who to talk to or what to do. Any advice would be welcome!

I know how awful it is to be married to an addict, all you want to happen is for him to realize his problem and stop. It seems so easy, but he won't do it. The act of willing him to do what should be so easy is excruciating. I understand feeling that if you left he'd not survive, but by hiding his pills and managing things for him you're enabling him to continue to be an active addict, you're keeping him from facing the reality of his problem, he doesn't have to see how it really is because you're in the mix, managing things for him. He's able to continue to deny a problem. You said when you talked to your husband's doctor you got no where, what did the doctor say? I understand how hard and how excruciating it is to be in a marriage with an addict, my ex-husband was an alcoholic. It seems so obvious there's a problem, and it seems so easy to end the problem, but they won't do it.
I urge you to find a Nar-Anon group near you and begin attending meetings. It will help you understand what you're dealing with and how to deal with it. You'll also be in the company of others who are dealing with or have dealt with husbands, wives, friends and family who are addicted to narcotics.
For more information and/or to find a group near you:
Nar-AnonI also suggest the iVillage Health Channel's Substance Abuse Problems for support and information.
The hardest part about dealing with an addiction is the fact that you are powerless to stop them or to change them. Living with an addict eats you up, it colors everything you do, everything you think. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it has to be incredibly hard to see this man who isn't at all what he used to be and certainly isn't who you married. This isn't exactly the life you had in mind, is it? Huge hugs, Echos, I know how you feel.~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Can it get more toxic than this?
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Have you spoken with your husbands' pharmacist? Doctors (especially general practitionners, but this extends to many specialists) don't have a lot of training on drugs and even less on prescription-drug related problems, hence the whole reason pharmacists exist. You can arrange for your husband to meet with his pharmacist and set an agreement on how his prescriptions can be renewed. In extreme cases, you can get the pharmacist to call your husbands doctor to get a change in the prescription.
Also, Oxycontin addiction is apparently a HUGE issue in the pharmaceutical industry at the moment, so you shouldn't have any trouble convincing health professionals of the problem. It's still a new problem so treatments are problably still similar to normal narcotic addictions, but by pulling the right strings, you should be able to get some action.
Thank you so much for your kind and understanding words. They almost brought tears to my eyes because everything that you spoke of is what I am dealing with now. I totally agree with what you said about the other man. I know and realize that and I certainly don't think that anything would ever happen. Although my marriage is about ready to crash and burn I am still in the vows that I believe in, and mean something to me.
I have talked to his doctor several times and have pretty much gotten the brush off. This past summer I made him go to the doctor for a physical because he had lost soooooo much weight. He had gone from about 6'2 205lbs and very fit to a skeletal 170 lbs. He went in for several appointments and the Dr. ran several different tests and nothing came back. Of course not....it is because the Oxycontin is eatting him alive. So, because there is nothing wrong him medically speaking the Dr. isn't concerned. I am now on blood pressure pills because of the constant stress on a daily basis this has all brought about. I had a melt down the other day and went totally crazy on my husband and told him everything............again and like addicts do they try to take the focus off of the problem and minimize it. He promised me that after this next surgery he would talk to the Dr. and start working off of this stuff, and made me feel like I was asking for the moon. I know exactly what is going to happen though......he is going to put off surgery for as long as possible and then there will be some excuse and the cyle will keep going.
I also know that I am enabling him but I didn't know what else to do other than take the stupid pills. As I said he was taking 100-120 pills in a week and a half to two weeks time frame. It was insane. It is insane.......
I am going to look into the Nar-Anon meetings and see what I can find out.
Again....thank you for your kind words and empathy. It really helps to have someone out there to talk to!
Quick questions from work, Echos.....
You specifically voiced concern about addiction to your husband's doctor and were brushed off?
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I never thought of it that way. The doctor doesn't know or how could he...... My husband doesn't call with excuses for new prescriptions (though he has done that with other prescriptions).
If he finds them which happens all the time, he takes extras and then at the end of the month when he doesn't have any he just goes cold turkey for a few days until the prescription is good again. When that happens it is HELL! He is almost non-functional and zombie like. This whole mess is killing him and he can't even see it. He had a very close friend that committed suicide about a year ago and he was very hurt over it. In one of our blowouts I told him that he hated what the friend did so much but he is doing it to himself only a lot more slowly than holding a gun to his head.
Maybe I should go talk to the doctor one more time and explain myself better this time. On the other hand though I am sooooooo done with all of this and tired of living with a two year old!
I URGE you to find alanon or naranon.
Here is a link to the website that saved MY life
http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727
I was married to a great guy who lost his job due to the economy and then turned into a raging abusive (emotional , verbal) alcoholic. I tried to control him and failed miserably.
I gained 85 pounds, high blood pressure and my own addiction to sleeping pills to escape the chaos.
I write to you 1 1/2 years out. With help from alanon. I am thin and healthy and my life is back to being good.
Please keep reaching out. YOU can get better. And..with luck..so can your husband
In support....
*edited for grammar error
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
Edited 12/15/2006 1:36 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
On the Toxic Relationships board you said your husband is a heroin addict who has had his addiction under control for many years before he began on the OxyContin. You also said his doctor made him sign a waiver absolving the doctor from any fault should he become addicted to the OxyContin. Is the doctor aware of your husband's heroin addiction? To me, the fact that the doctor would have him sign such a waiver suggests that he warned your husband about the likelihood of activating his addiction. But, at if his doc was aware he should have refused to prescribe any opiate, and if he had to prescribe something for pain, he should be monitoring your husband very closely for addiction. Do you know that heroin and OxyContin are both derived from opiates? An addict is an addict and if he's an addict he'd be prone to becoming addicted to anything, but when he takes OxyContin, he's taking exactly what he's addicted to -- opiates. It's a sure thing he'd become addicted. IMO, if his doctor was aware of your husband's past with heroin, it was unethical for him to prescribe OxyContin and if that's the case, I don't think the waiver would hold up under the lawsuit the doc was trying to avoid. This would be about malpractice and ethics...along with bad medicine. Not trying to absolve your husband from any blame, as an addict he's responsible for staying away from potential problems and for making his medical provider aware of his issues (if he didn't). Is your husband on methadone?
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"