I can't decide if I'm being childish
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| Thu, 12-14-2006 - 1:21pm |
OK I just can't decide if this is something that I should just let go....
Here it is. My husband had decided a long time ago that he wanted a tattoo. He went back and forth and finally found a design he liked. It is largely made up of the Harley Davidson logo but worked into it was our two boys names, their dates of birth and my name and birthday. He gave the initial design to his brother (a graphic artist) and asked him to work with it and make it "nicer" as my husband is not very artistic. He spoke to a local tattoo guy about the design. The guy flat out told him "putting your wife's name on it is the kiss of death, don't do it blah blah"...My husband told me that his response to him was "my wife and I have been together for so long, neither of us are going anywhere and I have no problem with it". It made me so happy to hear him say it and be part of this tattoo that he really searched a long time for the right design. His brother tells him the same thing about having me on it. Long story short, apparently, my husband began listening to them and began hedging me when I asked to see the final design. you know where this is going. I'm out. He told me when I expressed how much it bothered me that A. I was taken right out of it and B. that he would let others influence him that the M in the design was for me...it's totally not true...the M is our last name too...and he is not being truthful.
I just feel like I don't matter. Maybe I'd be ok if it was HE that decided that he just wanted the boys names in it but it's not, he let some guy he doesn't know and his brother decide to do something that has turned out to be really hurtful to me. Now when he gets it (it's not going to be done until next week) he will be totally miffed if I don't do the tattoo happy dance when he shows it to me.
What do you all think?
Thanks,
Mel

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Hi!
My dh is also planning to get a tattoo with either our sons names or initials in it. My name was never even mentioned. I really wasn't bothered by it but it would have been nice if he would have thought to include me too.
I would be upset only because he originally wanted your name in it as well and that 2 guys interferred where they shouldn't have. I would love to spend the day in a males mind. I have to wonder why they would be so discouraging.
Hope it works out.
Amy
mom to Justin, Adam and Brenden
I'm on the flip-side of this -- my husband wanted to get a tattoo with my name on it and I discouraged him.
It's funny because I don't disagree with you either....
I have to say, the death issue didn't even occur to me but I'm still the mom and would have liked SOME mention. I really think had it been HIM that said you know what, I don't think I'm going to go that route and am just going with the kids names I'd be ok. I know tattoo guys see everything and I'm not saying they aren't right 99% of the time. But my husband said he had no problem putting my name on it until the tattoo guy (and his brother who's on his 3rd divorce) said something. I think I'm more upset at their influence than the actual fact of my not being on it.
It's really irrelevant. He's getting it, I need to get over it...just trying not to blow the whole mess out of proportion.
Thanks for the input!!
Mel
Who knows -- maybe somebody brought up the death thing and he agreed.
I thought of that...but I think I thought of it too late...He's getting the outline and some shading done first in less than a week. He didn't ask for my input so I think it would irritate him....but what I had thought of was putting the numbers 143 (I LOVE YOU) somewhere in the design.
I may suggest it but it may spark an argument.
thanks again.
Mel
Mel, I think a lot of this issue is based on superstition.
Now, I'm the sort of woman who packs an umbrella when on holidays to prevent rain. I didn't decorate baby's rooms too early in case it affected the outcome of my pregnancies. And one of the reasons DH and I never technically married was because we heard so many stories of happy, long term defactos marrying and then busting up shortly after marriage. We didn't want to get married and find ourselves following in the footsteps of those we'd heard about.
From what I understand of the tattooist's advice, he's telling your husband that if your name is tattooed on, it will put the mockers on your marriage. Being superstitious, I totally 'get' this.
By avoiding having your name on his tattoo, your husband is keeping your marriage safe.
Well I have to say, superstition is not directly what I attributed his change of mind to, since you've put it in those exact words, yes, it makes sense. I will say I am still hurt by it but maybe not as much so now. I am not a superstitious person by name. I had a black cat named 13 when I was a kid...I decorated my kids rooms the minute I knew what I was having but I'll give you a few points just for giving me a different perspective...which is why I came to the boards to begin with!!
Thanks so much!
Mel
Mel, there seems to be a fear among tattoo artists that if they tatto a wife or girlfriend's name on a man that they are jinxing the relationship... It seems a great number of people who do this end up breaking up. I guess they do many tattoos to cover up names no longer relevant! So, I think the intent of your husband's friends and your husband himself is just not to tempt the fate of the tattoo jinx.
I think it's sweet that your husband cares enough that he doesn't even want to consider risking his relationship with you over it. He doesn't need to be branded with your name to prove he loves you, I think he proves it since he doesn't feel the need to do so. : )
Edited 12/14/2006 8:48 pm ET by sdlostorfound
Just adding another thought, but this time it's about the tattooist's actions. As a professional he's actually obliged to try and talk clients out of something that they may regret later on. If this tattooist has seen far too many people want a previous partner's name removed, he's doing the right thing by pre-empting what could go wrong.
It's like when my partner was seeking a vasectomy when I was pregnant with child #2. The clinic STONGLY advised him to wait till she was at least one year old. They said that they would do it if he insisted, but under strong advice to the opposite. As it turned out, we did take their advice and waited till she was 1.
It's no different to the builder or electrician telling you that your plans aren't adviseable....professionals know what works and what doesn't. And they also know what people are more likely to regret in the long term.
Does he make you feel like you don't matter all the time or just in the issue of the tattoo? Because, if it's just the tattoo, then it's just a tattoo. I'd much rather feel that I matter in life than in a word inked on some guy's body. It's the actions and feelings that count. The ink means nothing.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
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