Relocating issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Relocating issues
2
Fri, 12-15-2006 - 11:33pm
Been with my BF for 4 months only. We get along great and it feels like we are made for one another.
I m not working right now and it is difficult to find a decent job in my city. Most jobs are low pay especially for women employees. I have been interviewing with one of the big players in IT in the West coast. I will most likely get the job (2 interviews went v. well and one more is left) we live in the East coast. The new job is very well paid with lots of perks and benefits. I would never consider a long distance relationship especially when it is 6 hours by plane. I know it is too early in our relationship to expect him to move with me. but we both have been single for 2 yrs and we are so in much in love with one another. He is a professional and might be able to find something within 100 - 200 miles from where I will be working. am I being selfish by asking him to move? I dont want to lose him but I dont want to lose a great opportunity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 8:08am

All I can tell you is this: At 4 months it is quite impossible to predict whether this relationship is a better "opportunity" than a cross-country move. That is a simple fact. You have not yet had enough of a chance to observe his behavior and assess his character. You are both still in the "put your best foot forward" stage, and the strong emotions you feel are still desire rather than committment and love. This, too, is a fact. (That's not to say it doesn't have the potential to grow into more, only that you can't possibly know).

So, you need to determine what your realistic needs are for the long term. Ask yourself: What are your career goals? Is there any overlooked opportunity locally in your chosen field? Do you have other sources of income that make the west coast career ladder less important? For that matter, does the west coast job have growth potential, and does that growth support your career goals? Basically, if you stay, you need to make sure that ALL your needs can still be met.

There is no reason not to ask him to come with you. However, that poses its own risks, and requires another set of objective considerations. Have you decided what the terms of the offer to join you will be? Is it a statement of committment, or just a "come along for the ride and we'll see where it goes" kind of thing? (The major risk here is that it's way to early for committment, but a cross country move is such a major undertaking that you need to be sure noone is making assuptions about what it "means.")

This is a tough decision. One that requires you to take the emotion out of it and realistically look at the facts. If you do that, are up front with him and honest with yourself, you'll be fine.

LRM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 1:25am
Nice to see you again, Juliara2003, it's been a long time!
am I overly jealous or what?
Marriage would solve the problem
Called him names :(


I agree completely with the advice you already received here, four months is way too early to be considering asking anyone to move with you. As has already been said, you're still in the early stage, where you're both being less than real about how you are. I'm sure it doesn't feel like that's the case, but it is. Surely he knows that you're interviewing on the West Coast, right? If so, he's well aware of the implications. Have the two of you discussed it?


At the four month stage, you really don't know if it's going to end up still being great four months from now or not. I think at this point you have to make decisions for yourself that are based on what's best for you life regardless of the guy, but I know it won't be easy.

Best of luck on your interview, let us know how it goes!







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"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

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