How to bring it up?
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How to bring it up?
| Sun, 12-17-2006 - 6:27pm |
my boyfriend of almost a year has been asked by his current job to relocate to their offices in Houston, TX- we live in Arkansas. We would have an 8 hour car trip to visit one another. The job is really a great opportunity for him to advance and get an enormous raise with his company. Although it is still being discussed- nothing is final- I am scared. We are not ready for this relationship to be over. I have two small kids and traveling to see him will not be easy. Plus, with my current living situation, if he came to visit me, he wouldn't be able to stay with me- which would make it a very expensive trip. I have thought A LOT since this all started about "what if" I moved with him... although I haven't brought it up yet because I am still trying to decide if that is something I can even do...
I just don't know how to bring it up or when...it is a big discussion and I can see it lasting for HOURS just bringing it up. I love him & don't want to lose him. Any thoughts or comments are greatly needed! Thanks!
I just don't know how to bring it up or when...it is a big discussion and I can see it lasting for HOURS just bringing it up. I love him & don't want to lose him. Any thoughts or comments are greatly needed! Thanks!


Discuss it with him in a private area where you won't be interrupted so nothing is left unfinihsed. Maybe take a whole night to yourselves. Also, be very patient and understanding and positive. This is obviously a touchy subject and attitude can make a world of differenc.e Good luck, keep us posted.
*Because you are a divorced mom with 2 little kids and you are currently surrounded by a huge, loving, involved extended family. This family support is crucial for your children.
*Because you JUST purchased your own home after considerable struggle.
*Because you have known this guy for less than a year. Uprooting your children and following this man on the CHANCE it may become a lifelong relationship is foolish.
thank you so much for your reply... I know exactly what you are saying about my children and moving them away from their family- that is THE only issue I am really truly struggling with in regards to the move. ( I don't have my own house- I would like to be able to make that accomplishment...I think I need to reword that part of my profile!) I have actually known this guy for two years, and made himwait 6 months with us ONLY interating as friends until I let him take me out on our frist date- which will be one year ago on New Years. But it is still a chance I don't know if I am really willing to make. My whole life is in this city- I moved away for one year of college and even then I was only 2 hours away. It is something I have always wanted to do, but never had the guts to do. I don't want to blow my big chance to move away on a dead end relationship.
Thank you so much...I am defintely going to keep thinking about it all before bringing it up.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
Edited 12/18/2006 2:24 am ET by cl-2nd_life
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
Honestly, he isn't one to bring up a serious subject unless there is reason for it. There is stilla chance it might not work out and he will stay here- and until the decision is MADE to move, he won't bring up this serious subject. I know he has thought about it because we did touch on having a long distance relationship one night when I burst into tears about him moving. (Looking back, it was really hilarious!)
He is a thoughtful & sweet guy. He knows how close I am with my family and how much support I get from them and asking me to move away from that, whether I wanted to or not, would be a difficult task for him. I have always said that moving away from this city would probably be a very good thing for me so he knows I have the idea in the back of my mind...getting to that stage is another story...
Kim brought up a good point in saying moving is hard and stressful on relationships. She's right there, we moved to a city 100 miles from where we'd lived five years ago and I can tell you, being in a different city with none of your usual sights, sounds, none of what's "normal" to you is very difficult; surprisingly so. It seems fun, interesting, acceptable at first, but eventually your subconscious wants what's "normal" back, and that's when it gets difficult.
I think before deciding what you'll do you first need to be sure this is something your boyfriend would want to happen. If it is, you have to ask yourself if this is something you'd do if he weren't in the picture because at this point you don't know that your relationship will last. If your relationship ended would you want to stay in the city or would you want to move back home? IMO, if you wouldn't go if he weren't and if you would move back if your relationship ended, your move is about him, not your opportunity or desire to move because the change "would be good for you". If that's the case, I think you should seriously consider staying where you are.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"