Confusing year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Confusing year.
3
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 10:28am

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 4:35pm

Hi Jenna

The reason he doesn't ask how he could make the relationship better, or discuss issues is because he's happy with the relationship in it's present form. I bet that when you say "what could I do to change and make our relationship better?" he will probably reply "nothing". Again, it's because he's already content.

At this point, I believe you have to look at the man you've got and the relationship you've got and realise that this is how it will stay. So, it's up to you now. You can either accept it or move on...but he's not going to change.

One last comment. You write >>Like I constantly ask him what could I do to change and make our relationship better/ ways to please him etc. But i never get it in return. So does he really love me?<<

I'm inclined to believe that most men would find "constant" questioning about happiness and improvements to the relationship very wearing. In my experience, it's all a bit too analytical for the average guy. My dear husband would HATE for me to question him constantly about how I could improve things. Guys wouldn't view this question as a sign of love - rather, they'd see it as insecurity or nagging about the state of the relationship. And this is why he doesn't ask the same question back to you. It's not a discussion he enjoys having.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 5:11pm
No, sounds like he is comfortable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 1:04am
Jenna, in a good relationship there's no need to ask what you can do to change and make it better, when you're satisfied with your relationship you don't feel anything needs to change, there's no reason to ask the question. You've indicated that you're dissatisfied with two very important aspects of your relationship, sex and communication. Like the others have said, your boyfriend sounds quite satisfied with the relationship as it is. You, however, are not. This isn't a criticism, it just says that the two of you have very different wants and preferences and aren't compatible in two very important areas.


I assume your boyfriend is satisfied with the frequency of your sexual contact and isn't interested in more or concerned that he's not performing often enough? If he is dissatisfied with his libido and/or is concern he needs to see his doctor to rule out problems.


I know it's not what you want to hear, but assuming he's satisfied with his sexual performance what you're looking at is a relationship that will always leave you frustrated, wanting more, feeling selfish and wondering if he's performing because he wants to or to shut you up. Staying in a relationship that lacks what you want and need is settling for less than you need and that's not acceptable. I think you know that, your dissatisfaction and concerns are why you called off your engagement, right?. In the relationship you now have, neither of you has what they want and need -- a partner who is compatible. It's what each of you deserves.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








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does not change the facts"