Is he having a gay affair?
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Is he having a gay affair?
| Thu, 12-28-2006 - 8:51am |
HI
Hope someone can help me figure this out. My husband and i have been married for 7 years. A lot of stress. He works out of town and lately hasn't been coming home for about 4 months at a time. We have not had sex in a year and half. The last time we did, he didn't seem interested and "failed at the job". I thought that maybe he was having some medical problems, but lately i've noticed that he has been talking hours and hours to a male friend of his. Im really starting to think that maybe he is in a relationship with this old friend. when I ask him about it he lies about talking to him, but I know because of the phone bills. What does anyone think. I'm trying to figure this out.
Hope someone can help me figure this out. My husband and i have been married for 7 years. A lot of stress. He works out of town and lately hasn't been coming home for about 4 months at a time. We have not had sex in a year and half. The last time we did, he didn't seem interested and "failed at the job". I thought that maybe he was having some medical problems, but lately i've noticed that he has been talking hours and hours to a male friend of his. Im really starting to think that maybe he is in a relationship with this old friend. when I ask him about it he lies about talking to him, but I know because of the phone bills. What does anyone think. I'm trying to figure this out.

Let's see: No sex, hardly any contact and to to it off, lies.
Sure sounds like it to me.
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I'm a little confused. In your first post you said he denied talking to his friend, but here you're saying he says he talks to him so much because "he has no one else talk to." I don't think it's so much a case of him thinking of you as a friend, otherwise, he'd be calling you, not his friend (or is he calling you for hours at a time too?), and he'd likely be more considerate and thoughtful in leaving you for months at a time.
Personally, I think it's time to have a more serious talk with him, one where not only do you talk (both of you), but where you reach some specific resolutions. He needs to see a doctor? Okay - then he needs to make the appointment, right then and there, no more excuses, no more "gonna", it needs to be done, period. He's gone for four months at a time? Are you okay with that? Are you satisfied and happy with that? If not, then you need to tell him so, and you need to take it a step further by working together to find a solution that has him home more often and keeps your heads above water. Your children need to have a father too, seeing him every four months does not give them a relationship with him. If you're unhappy to the point of considering ending the marriage, he needs to know it's serious. You need to go into this talk expecting to resolve some problems and make some agreements that are going to stick.
Here are some articles on constructive arguing that may help you:
Ten Rules For Fair FightingVerbal Fencing With Someone You Love
Dos and Don'ts For Fair Fighting
Conflicts - Points to Remember
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"