Is he having a gay affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Is he having a gay affair?
5
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 8:51am
HI
Hope someone can help me figure this out. My husband and i have been married for 7 years. A lot of stress. He works out of town and lately hasn't been coming home for about 4 months at a time. We have not had sex in a year and half. The last time we did, he didn't seem interested and "failed at the job". I thought that maybe he was having some medical problems, but lately i've noticed that he has been talking hours and hours to a male friend of his. Im really starting to think that maybe he is in a relationship with this old friend. when I ask him about it he lies about talking to him, but I know because of the phone bills. What does anyone think. I'm trying to figure this out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 9:27am

Let's see: No sex, hardly any contact and to to it off, lies.

Sure sounds like it to me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 1:01pm
I think you have some extremely serious problems in your marriage, whether or not he's having a gay affair.


  • Is he able to come home more frequently than every four months? If so, have you discussed this with him? What does he say?
  • Have you discussed his lack of interest in sex?
  • Have you discussed his inability to maintain erection?
  • How long have these problems been an issue?

    In short, what kind of relationship do you have and what have you done to resolve your relationship problems? You said your husband lies about talking to his friend, what do you say/do beyond his lying? I mean, you have phone bills to prove that these calls are being made, you know what he's saying is untrue. Do you confront him with the bills, accept his lies and say nothing or what?








  • ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    When you don't get what you want"

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 12-28-2006
    Thu, 12-28-2006 - 3:07pm
    Yes, I've discussed the bills with him and he just says that he has no one else to talk to. He is an owner operator of a truck, so he says that our pay will decrease to much when he comes home more often. I don't work anymore because of 2 disabled children, so I also think he knows that I'm in no position to leave him. I've discussed our sex problems with him and he says that he just can't get it up and he needs to see a doc., but never does- that I know of. Other then that we are like best friends. I guess that is the problem, he thinks of me as just a friend.
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Sat, 12-30-2006 - 1:01am
    Sorry I'm getting back to you so late, Mom_Kula, somehow I missed your response yesterday!


    I'm a little confused. In your first post you said he denied talking to his friend, but here you're saying he says he talks to him so much because "he has no one else talk to." I don't think it's so much a case of him thinking of you as a friend, otherwise, he'd be calling you, not his friend (or is he calling you for hours at a time too?), and he'd likely be more considerate and thoughtful in leaving you for months at a time.


    Personally, I think it's time to have a more serious talk with him, one where not only do you talk (both of you), but where you reach some specific resolutions. He needs to see a doctor? Okay - then he needs to make the appointment, right then and there, no more excuses, no more "gonna", it needs to be done, period. He's gone for four months at a time? Are you okay with that? Are you satisfied and happy with that? If not, then you need to tell him so, and you need to take it a step further by working together to find a solution that has him home more often and keeps your heads above water. Your children need to have a father too, seeing him every four months does not give them a relationship with him. If you're unhappy to the point of considering ending the marriage, he needs to know it's serious. You need to go into this talk expecting to resolve some problems and make some agreements that are going to stick.

    Here are some articles on constructive arguing that may help you:

    Ten Rules For Fair Fighting
    Verbal Fencing With Someone You Love

    Dos and Don'ts For Fair Fighting
    Conflicts - Points to Remember








    ~ cl-2nd_life

    "Experience is what you get
    When you don't get what you want"

    ~ Author unknown








    "Ignoring the facts
    does not change the facts"
    iVillage Member
    Registered: 03-26-2003
    Tue, 01-02-2007 - 3:53am
    It does sound like something untoward is going on. I can't add much to what the PP have said. I would urge you, however, to be sure that you have been tested for all STDs. Some can be dormant, and you may not know. This is esp. important since you are pregnant.

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