Simple Question for the Experienced
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Simple Question for the Experienced
| Thu, 12-28-2006 - 9:58am |
Last night I got into bed around 11:30ish. I get up between 7:15-7:30 and try to get 8 hours even though it is usually 7 hours of sleep. My problem is that my husband (who has erratic work hours) will stay up pretty late which in turn causes me to not fall asleep or wake up every 5 minutes will he gets in bed. Often times I have woken up at 1:00 am and he is still down there watching TV. I know that he is his own person and can make his own decisions, but we got into a fight last night because I asked him if he could go to bed sometime around the time I go to bed. Any advice for us? This isn't a major problem, but I am worried this could get worse. Thanks:)
Caroline

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You might read through your old posts too, many find reading their old posts very helpful and enlightening; they're able to see situations more clearly than they could when they were in the middle of them and are able to see improvement, or lack of, in their situations. I hope you find it as enlightening as many do:
Help...I am at the endI really need some help:(
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
You two are both grown adults and he has the right to go to bed whenever he wants -- you say "I think it is just them trying to be independent" like he's a teenager and you're his mother.
I also don't know how you approached the subject, and approach can be everything. From what you've said, he felt dictated to, which would indicate that your approach wasn't what it could have been. In your past posts you indicated he's not happy with his job. If he blames his job for his sleep hours and inability to sleep when you sleep, it's possible the anger he tossed at you is really frustration and anger about his job. It's also possible that due to his job situation he feels inadequate or out of control of his life. If either of those are the case, that could easily explain his reaction. More input from you would help narrow down the reasons for his reaction.
Here is some great information on constructive arguing that might help a lot:
Ten Rules For Fair FightingVerbal Fencing With Someone You Love
Dos and Don'ts For Fair Fighting
Conflicts - Points to Remember
How are things going in his search for a new job? Has he changed his
~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
I agree with Kimbirdy. You need to learn to sleep on your own. In our house, I'm the early to bed person, and I've long learned to go to sleep without my husband. This was especially important when my husband was working erratic hours - as a shiftworker he needed to listen to his body and sleep when he was tired.
What you are wanting your husband to do will throw his bodyclock out of kilter and he'll end up having sleep issues. To ensure a good sleep, we should go to bed when tired - not before.
Also, there's nothing in the world more irritating than going to bed when not tired and lying awake next to someone who's sleeping soundly.
because he gets up earlier than me, & he needs 8-10 hrs of sleep.
I sleep usually about 6-8 hours, & and not ever tired before 11 or so.
If I want any time at all to myself, to read or whatnot,
I have to wait till H & kids are in bed.
Otherwise it's mom do this, mom where's that, mom can I, honey help me with this,
honey where's my that, mom will you this..........
I LOVE my night hours where I can get some peace & quiet.
I'd go crazy if I didn't get a couple of peaceful hours late at night.
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