Ungrateful for X-mas gift?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Ungrateful for X-mas gift?
12
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:06am

I posted this for response on another board, but since I've posted in this board several times in the past and got some wonderful advice, I wanted your input also PLEASE!

This is me and my bf's first X-mas 2gether as a couple. We've been friends since HS and are both now 34. A few weeks ago he told me he was thinking of giving me a firepit for X-mas. I told him I thought that was very nice, but I would like something for me, not for the house. Well, that was that, no more discussion about it.

So, we drive up to ATL to visit my parents for the holidays and he said my gift was too big to bring, so he'd give it to me when we get back. Well, I thought he was just wanting to keep me in suspense because I had also mentioned to him that I wanted a ring for X-mas, as we have been talking about marriage for a few months.

Well, when we got back from ATL I took him home. He goes inside and comes out with a huge box, and guess what....it's a FIREPIT!!!! I didn't even know how to act, I was soooo disappointed! He just totally ignored my feelings. Not only that, but we live in South FLORIDA...WTF and I going to do with a firepit!

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 11:55am

Welcome back Mcampbell ~ For those who aren't familiar or who need a refresher on Mcampbell's previous post, it can be found here:

Does he REALLY "want" me?

Question for you Mcampbell, what did he get you for your birthday, or is this the first gift-giving event that's come up?

If this is the first gift-giving experience, and if your experience says he does what he chooses despite your suggestion or request, I'd say this is the kind of gift you can expect from him. I'd say since he got you something that you specifically said you didn't feel was an appropriate gift, you know he's going to disregard you and get what he chooses. What's your experience in other areas? I don't know his personality, and don't know how much fire pits cost, his financial status, etc., but I wonder, is it possible he wanted to get you a ring on his own terms, at his own time, or that he wanted it to be a total surprise and purchased the firepit to throw you off? Regardless, there's not much you can do; as the receiver you don't have the right to complain that you aren't happy with the gift someone chose to give you, but, you now know what to expect from him.

Not at all what you were looking for, but IMO it's very early to be talking about marriage, especially considering that your relationship is still at the stage where you are unable to discuss some very important matters that will affect you and your marriage deeply. Until you're able to discuss these things openly, and until they have been discussed/resolved to the extent that you're satisfied improvement is in the works or you have come to an agreement on how it will be handled (and have had enough time to see that it is indeed handled that way) I would say looking forward to marriage is a very unwise move. Even without this serious concern, you've only been together for seven months, not enough time together to have a full and clear picture of who and how he is. Considering that he'd move in with you, knowing he had this problem and choosing not to discuss it only suggests that there is every reason to be concerned about being in a life-long relationship with him.







~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 5:58pm

Gack! You can't ASK for a ring for Xmas.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 6:44pm
That was kind of bold....I don't think I could do that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 8:30pm

"Gack! You can't ASK for a ring for Xmas."

No, but she can ask NOT to get a firepit, and hope for a ring. I think he has some plans for the firepit (maybe he envisions a cool, romantic evening by the firepit, pulling a small velvet box from his pocket . . . ?), but it sounds a bit like my grandson's plan for his mother's Christmas gift--he wanted to give her a set of action figures. Part of maturity is seeing others as individuals, rather than extensions of oneself. Maybe, like my four-year-old GS, her boyfriend isn't there yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 8:45pm
Geo, your "not there yet" thoughts are good ones, except we're talking about a 34-year old man here. If he's not there yet, he's not going to get there.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:47pm
I agree about that, for sure. "Not there yet" was meant tongue-in-cheek, but it does suggest that someday he will get the picture about how to give a gift that will be well-received, and that's probably not going to happen. On the other hand, I have cupboards full of the oddest kitchen appliances you have ever seen, and many more have been sent to grace the shelves at the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. Despite the fact that my husband has NEVER given me a gift that suggested we had ever met before he went shopping, I have kept him for 35 years, so it's not necessarily a dealbreaker.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 12:05am
I agree that it's not necessarily a deal-breaker, but if this is the gift he's chosen and it's not a front for something else, she knows clearly what to expect in the future.


Sorry that I missed the tongue-in-cheek, I thought you might have missed the ages in her first post. I laughed at your appliance story, and I love that your grandson wanted to get his mom action figures; it's so appropriate! You know, if it keeps him occupied and happy, it may be just what she wants! ;) So what new gadget did you get this Christmas?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 9:02am

-------- Despite the fact that my husband has NEVER given me a gift that suggested we had ever met before he went shopping,-----------------

LOL! That was funny! My H (11 yrs) & yours must go shopping together!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 10:31am
I sometimes think all the clueless DHs go shopping together at the Inappropriate Gift Supercenter, where they have clerks who recommend weird clothing in hideous colors and wrong sizes, useless kitchen stuff (a glass bowl that's supposed to cook a chicken!?), and home decor items only approriate to a haunted house. This year, however, he gave me a pair of velvety pink slippers, pink satin pajamas in the correct size, and a sterling silver pinecone necklace--a great choice for a botanist. Oh--did I mention that our 26-year-old daughter went shopping with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Fri, 12-29-2006 - 2:21pm

You guys are so awesome! Reading your posts does give me some hope. He's already acting like a typical husband I guess!

cl-I do appreciate your advice. I guess these are the types of gifts I can expect in the future. I know he's a good man, so I can't keep stressing over the small things (it wasn't a cheap gift)....but c'mon! Ok..nope..moving on. We have both had b-days, mine came first. He gave me some lotions and body washes...which he knows I love. So, maybe there's still hope. Also, we did eventually talk about the other 'thing' from my previous posts. He says he will go to the doc..but hasn't yet. Don't worry though, I will be reminding him soon. I asked him if he had always been that way and he said no.

BTW-he called me earlier today (I must admit that I've been pretty quiet towards him since "the gift") and said that he'd like to send me to the spa on Saturday and get me a mani and pedi (which he's never done before) and wants us to take me out for dinner on New Year's day.

Pages