b/f wants me to hookup with another guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
b/f wants me to hookup with another guy
5
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 11:50pm

Hi!

my boyfriend and i have been together for about 1 1/2 years. i've known him for 2 1/2 years, and he is my best friend. we are SO close, and during the first year of knowing each other when we weren't together, we liked each other a lot but he was too busy being single and trying to get other girls. we are each others first for sex, and he was my first for everything else. (except kissing!) i was his first for getting head and eating a girl out, but he had gotten with a lot of girls, just fooling around (going down their pants, getting hand jobs, and making out with a lot of girls) but before him, i had only kissed a few other guys, so i did not have as much experience as him. okay enough of that rambling and time to get to the point... my boyfriend has mentioned to me multiple times that he wants me to hookup with another guy (while we're together). he says he knows i am the one for him because he's been with a lot of girls and has had a lot of girlfriends and no one compares to me. but he knows i haven't been with a lot of guys and wants to make sure he's the one for me. he tells me that i may think he's the one, but thats only because i haven't been out there to experience what else is out there... and he wants me to so that he doesn't get hurt farther down the line. does this make any sense? i don't even want to imagine him hooking up with another girl, and now he's telling me to hookup with another guy! i don't get it... i understand his point but i don't think randomly hooking up with one guy is going to help me know that my boyfriend is the one. also, my boyfriend gets jealous of my guy friends (my boyfriend goes to college 1 1/2 hours away from where i live and go to high school, but we still do see each other a lot, but obviously we have other friends to hangout with when we're not in each others city's) so if he gets so jealous, why would he want me to hookup with someone else? he says he swears as long as i talk to him about it first and he gives me permission, he would not acuse me of cheating or ever give me crap about it if i decided to hookup with someone else because this is what he wants. can someone please explain this behavior? is there anything i'm missing? is he telling me to hookup with someone to give him a free pass to hookup with another girl? i know that is horrible to think about and i asked him this same question and he got so mad because he says that's not what he wants, but still, HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 12:14am
He's suggesting you go out and have sex with some random guy that you don't care about? Sex is a part of a relationship, but it's not the entire relationship and therefore, being satisfied with a sexual relationship with your boyfriend is only part of the quotient; your compatibility in a lot of other areas is also greatly important. If your boyfriend is truly interested in wanting you to be sure he's "the one" then he would be suggesting you date other guys for a good period of time to see what else is out there, how your relationship with him stacks up to them, etc. Suggesting you have sex with another guy is immature and would be ineffective. It would, however, be harmful to you, and potentially the other guy. Having sex without having feelings for the person you're having sex with may well cause you guilt, remorse, and to feel pretty bad about yourself. If you're having sex with someone under the pretense of liking them, that's a pretty low thing to do -- it's using another person and playing with their feelings.


Your boyfriend's got sex on the mind. I can't tell you what he's thinking, but I can tell you that he's not interested in how he measures up in an emotional relationship with you or he wouldn't be judging your happiness on sex.










~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 1:03am
When i say my boyfriend wants me to hookup with another guy, he didn't mean have sex with them. he specifically told me he did not want me to have sex with them, but just mess around/makeout and do other things. sorry i should have clarified that in my post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 1:14am
Then it's that he wants you to date other guys? If that's the case, I'd say he's saying he wants to take your relationship down a notch, he wants you guys to be free to date others but still see each other too. He may not be telling you that he wants to date others too, but I seriously doubt he wants to sit idly and faithfully by while you date other guys.


Personally, I think seeing other people at your age and while you're so far apart from each other makes perfect sense and is the most sensible way to approach a relationship.








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 1:49am
Ok this is what I think, I could be totally wrong though, this was just my impression.. I think that your bf might be testing you... Cause like you said he gets jealous of your guy friends, and he could be tring to get a reaction and it could also be that he is insecure about his profomence in bed so he is testing you to make sure you only want him.. Im just saying this cause you guys are young, so he might just get scared at times.. But next time he brings it up tell him how disguting that it is and how he is the best and bla bla bla... But like I said I could be dead wrong.. Good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 2:20am
On second thought, I think I'm not so clear on what it is he wants -- "making out with, fooling around with" other guys is not dating, it's making out. What is it your boyfriend wants you to do? See other guys or just make out with them?








~ cl-2nd_life

"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"

~ Author unknown








"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"