Porn hurting relationship
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| Mon, 01-08-2007 - 11:03am |
Hello,
I cant stop feeling so vulnerable and hurt everything my husband looks at porn, esp since I dont look like those girls, and I never will... I keep hearing "Every guy looks at porn, it's something every guy needs" but I believe it's wrong... And it's really hurting our sex life and our relationship, it's like a circle, he looks, I freeze up and shut down sexually and emotionally, b.c I feel like I cant compete so what's the point, and then it repeats... I dont know what to do... how do I get over how I feel, how do I get him to stop hurting me. He doesnt look when I'm home, but we use the same computer, and he doesnt always clear the history. It hurts me so much. I just cant understand that if I satisfy him completely and he thinks me beatiful and sexy (hes told me this) why he needs the others.. He says he'd never cheat, but this feels like cheating to me... and he doesnt understand... please help!

I have a friend who's s/o looked at porn on their computer. He left pages up though. She didn't like it and told him so. She asked that he not view it when she's home and that he not have it up when she comes home. He's complied and that satisfied the situation for them; she didn't want to stop him from looking at it, she just didn't want to be faced with it herself. Someone once asked her if he still looks at it, her response was, "I don't know, why would I check?" That makes her situation different than yours, she simply wanted not to be faced with it and has no interest in checking the computer history or knowing if he's looking, when he's looking, etc. You don't want him looking, you believe it's wrong and don't want him doing it. That makes this one of those no-win situations. Neither of you is wrong, but your beliefs are different and neither is going to change the other. Your choice, IMO, is to accept the situation as it is or look for a partner who's values and morals match your own.
I'm sorry I don't have a better answer ~~ cl-2nd_life
"Experience is what you get
When you don't get what you want"
~ Author unknown
"Ignoring the facts
does not change the facts"