Disappointing, Wacky Week, Part II

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Disappointing, Wacky Week, Part II
5
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 8:31pm

First, I just want to thank you all for being here! When I logged in a few weeks ago I was a bit depressed--the male contacts were at a low ebb, and I am an impatient person-- but I soon learned that I don't ever have to feel alone....even on a bad date--or no date! :)

Well, in Part I, I wrote about finally meeting D. I knew he wasn't my True Love (too many disparities with my List...for example, he was determined to live on a boat and I am determined not to--LOL), but what a disappointment when he looked 20 yrs older and immensely, umm, un-handsomer, than his photo...and turned out to be boring as well.

So, the next day, MLK day, I was REALLY eager to meet M. We had only exchanged a couple of short emails and short phone calls, but the funny thing is, we would eventually have met anyhow, as I had just joined a group that he belongs to and we would have met at some upcoming event. This time I was not disappointed. He did look like his photo, although a bit older and grayer (and, alas, balder....I really like hair and at my age men with hair are getting harder to find). However, it was so nice to walk beside a man who was taller than me for a change! Turns out that M. likes to just walk around and find interesting things to see and do, as do I, so we poked through antique shops and other types of shops, and also stopped for a snack. He had never been on a city bus so I was able to give him a thrill. ;) After four hours, I returned him to his vehicle and let him go back to the suburb where he lives (I never seem to get a downtown guy, try as I may). I was quite happy about the day, and looked forward to seeing him Thursday night when the above-mentioned group, or some members of it, would be having pizza.

So on Thursday I did the usual primping in the morning, as I had decided to go directly from work, as it is rather a long way by public transportation to the pizza parlor where the group meets. I knew that M. was not my True Love either (several disparities with my List...see the discussion about Wish Lists a few days ago), but he did come close. I arrived at the pizza joint to find that our group consisted of me and four men: M, another guy, J., whom I had met before, and two others. While we tried to order pizza, M made a couple of jokes to me, then we all went to sit down. They had already taken seats before I arrived, and the only place for me to sit was on the banquette at the far end from M. Just then I got a heart palpitation. Oh, damn!

For those who don't know much about superventricular tachycardia (and why would you???), the heart suddenly gets a glitch and starts beating super-fast. My whole chest vibrates visibly! Sometimes if I can lie down and be quiet, it will stop in 10 or 20 minutes, but of course that is rarely the case. This condition is precipitated by stress, mental or physical (for example, if I am exercising while worrying about something, or if I have had too much caffeine and too little sleep), but it may not be apparent why it happens when it does. I explained what was going on to the guys. I could not converse much, or, needless to say, eat pizza. I tried lying down on the banquette, I tried lying down on the cold (but fortunately clean) restroom floor, nothing helped. J (NOT M., notice, very important) asked several times if I was okay and if I needed to go to the emergency room. No, I replied, I was not okay, but no, I didn't need the emergency room; I had gone to one last summer and really, there is not much they can do. After a couple of hours, my heart will suddenly go THUMP and start beating slowly. The medical term is "converting," which we all found quite amusing, as this was a group of agnostics and atheists.

Well, the fast heart rate is exhausting, like running a long hard race. This, plus my disappointment that M was not saying anything, made me start to cry. I gathered my coat and purse and said I was leaving. Now this was ridiculous, as I was in no shape to catch a bus, and the trip home, on 3 pieces of transportation, would take me between one and two hours. Kind J offered to drive me and I accepted. As I passed M, I said, "Don't bother calling me again; I think you could have been a bit more sympathetic and compassionate."

Outside, I waited for J, who I saw had stopped for a moment at M's chair; no wonder, he and the other two undoubtedly wondered "What was THAT about?" Then he drove me home, me crying much of the way. "IS M always like that, cold and unfeeling?" I asked. "Oh," he said after a few minutes, "I think he is just shy."

Now I know that some of you, maybe especially any men who read this, are saying, "Well, it's not like you and M were boyfriend and girlfriend, you hardly knew each other." That's true. And some of you are saying, "Well what about J? Maybe you should think about him as a possibility?" Well, honestly, I don't even know if J is available! And he had not struck me as the least bit appealing (in a physical way) before. But you can relate this tale to any male friends and relatives because there is a lesson here:
After what happened, M's attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 100, dropped by 30 points.
J's attractiveness went up by 30 points.
So men, a bit of kindness goes a long way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 9:34pm

Maybe M felt that J had it under control. Maybe M thought you and J had something going on. Maybe M is the cold, unfeeling b****rd you think him to be. Nonetheless, I'm sorry that stuff happens to you. Sounds very scary.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 11:34pm

i'm sorry about your condition - but i think that M didn't know how to handle things. It is NO excuse in my book - but i dont think he can handle you well, J can. I can't imagine how embarrassing that must've felt. Ims ure you are seasoned at handling these types of situations, but still does not make it easier.

On another note, I told soomeone today on email.... sometimes you aren't attracted to someone at first, but with time they become the most insatiable person you layed eyes on. My mom is always telling me, stop trying to feel everything at once at the beginning. Sometimes you wont be completely attracted to that person till a week later, a month or year later!

FINALLY after years of dating< Ive listened to her. And I'm glad I did. B the bach #1 I just ended things with - well I was not the least bit attracted to him after our first date. HE was nice , but "not my type".

Because we could talk, he was gentlemen like I accepted a second date (and oh yeah, i remembered what my mom drills into me all the time). And I'm happy I did because we shared two months of a lot of fun dates. Even if no relationship - we had a good time. and I became attracted to him.

So you never know. If you can talk to someone or have somehwat of a good time on the 1st, 2nd , 3rd date, go with it... and see what develops.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 10:15am
OMG, you poor thing!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 5:40pm

Marigold,

That sure is scary.....are you feeling better now? Maybe the guy didn't know what to do. I have several friends who are useless in an emergency...they just kind of freeze.

Hope you are feeling better.

Ann

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 6:17pm

Hi, your message took me back. My son had SVT also. "Had" because he had an ablation that fixed his wiring. His heart raced all the time except for the medicine so he had to have the ablation so he could lead a normal life. And now, thank goodness, he's perfectly "normal" and healthy - and if you didn't know his history you'd never know.

Just so you know I know (at least sort of) what you're going through. Anyway, what I discovered though this was that some people just can't deal with medical type situations. That doesn't make them bad, but I think they just don't know how to handle it so they don't do anything.

It could be M was just clueless and just stayed out of the way. But with your SVT, you need someone who can handle these situations. But maybe he could learn. Or maybe J is just the right person for you.

Reading over this, I'm not sure what my point is. I guess just a bit of empathy for you. I hope all goes well.

-Nelle