I'm 57, he's 69, unusual situation/help!
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| Tue, 01-25-2005 - 7:30am |
I have lurked OLD sites for 2 years, finally last month, eharmony sent a match that i was interested in but i let it sit through the holidays and did nothing. Mind you i only filled out a profile, no picture and had not joined because i had not been matched with anyone in all this time that really interested me or that i was attracted to. For 6 weeks i can't get this match out of my head. he had not closed communication, so i went back, joined eharmony so i could respond to him and requested communication. that was 2 weeks ago and still nothing.
this is my dilemma, through the information he put in his profile, i have been able to find his address and phone number, he stated he is a retired professional and with is first name i went to his professional association and was successful. the fact that he lives in a very small town was the key. i really am attracted to this gentleman and would like to communicate with him, do i dare send him a note through the mail? i am so torn and since this is all new, would really appreciate your advice. thank you so much.

ohumom...
Pianoguy has a dear friend who had the exact same situation as yours.
eharmony matched her up with a man who was 12 years her senior (but still working)...and after dating for nearly a year, they married this past November!
I think you should ask yourself 3 questions:
1. Does the 12 year age difference bother you?
2. Are you in a position where you might have to relocate...and are you comfortable with the idea?
3. Do you think that the 2-week lapse in communication might have something to do with the fact that this gentleman has discovered (or is dating) someone else?
pianoguy,
thank you for replying to my post.
the age difference does not bother me at all, relocating not a problem, ofcourse i have thought about the fact that perhaps he has met someone else, but if that is the case, all he would have to do is say that.
the reason i posted the ages, is because at this time of life, matches do not come very often.
i have tried to imagine if i received a letter in the mail from someone from eharmony, exactly how i would feel, that is my dilemma. i guess i did not explain myself very well.
thank you
ohumom...
For some people....AGE makes a difference.
If you joined and requested communication with him and haven't received a response after 6 weeks, chances are, your profile didn't interest him enough to respond. I'm sorry, for being so blunt but that's the way I see it. As you know, non-paying members of eHarmony can read part of the personality profile of their matches before joining. It's also quite possible that he hasn't even bothered to look at your profile because it seems eHarmony is notorious for sending several matches but a great percentage of them never make it to the actual meeting stage. He may be disheartened with them just like most people are.
To answer your question regarding contacting him. My honest opinion is no, absolutely do not contact him. If it were me I would consider it stalkerish to have someone searching me out thru my occupation by using my first name. Even though the records you searched are public to me it seems like an invasion of privacy. I really think you would be out of line and sending him the wrong message if you contacted him. IMHO you seem to have been obsessing about a person you've never even exchanged an email with. I think you need to let it go and move on.
Welcome to the board, ohumom.
A couple of observations from your post.
First, it sounds to me like you are obsessing over this one fellow. If he hasn't responded to your communication it is because he is NOT interested, period. You need to move on and continue your searching. After all, you did wait some time before contacting him. Obviously he has moved on.
Next, I find it scary that someone can be tracked down through information on a profile! The measures you took to find this fellow come under the heading of "stalker", IMHO.
If you read the archived posts on this board, you will see many, many cautionary messages about high expectations in the initial stages of dating.
Good luck!
Yikes. Some of that stuff screams stalker.
I mean, wouldn't you feel creeped out if some guy who was a match on an OLD service was digging around to find personal information on you, and then sent you a letter in the mail?
I'm sure you have no intention of actually BEING a stalker. But I'd back off if I were you. If he has any interest, he'll contact you through eharmony.