Advice on how to respond to an email

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Advice on how to respond to an email
6
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:17am

Hi all,

When I first started online dating a little over a year ago, I must admit that I was not very picky about who I responded to. I felt obiligated to respond because someone emailed me. Well, back in February of last year I was emailing a guy although I really did not like his profile. I sent about 2 or 3 emails to him and then decided it was a waste of my time. While emailing he seemed nice enough but I would read his profile and feel that it came across as sarcastic (I maybe using the wrong word here because I just do not know how to describe it) so I just stopped emailing.

Well, this same guy has registered with match.com and wants to know if we can start communicating again. I provided a copy of his profile that he wrote. He just seems, I don't know the correct wording, a little self absorbed. Here is the profile:

I'm a southern boy, raised in Texas and Louisiana. Dating is whole different game up here. For some reason, I seem to keep running into women who arent used to dating good, positive men. Here's what I mean: Can you promise not to do the following things: 1) tell me that I should take notes in order to date a woman of "your caliber" 2) tell me to rename my cats 3) ask to have parties at my house when you've known me less than a month 4) allow your ex-boyfriend to come over at 2 AM because he owes you money. About me: I'm a professional, serious-minded, college-educated child-free, 6' tall, 195 lbs I enjoy going to movies, dinner, spending time with that special someone. Must have a picture or be willing to send one.

My ideal match would be someone who is easy going, independent, and who knows how to treat a good man. You must be affectionate and kind-hearted.

My question is how do I respond to him wanting to start communicating again. Should I just say I am sorry I do not think we are a match?

Pat

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:32am

Interesting...he doesn't sound so much self-absorbed to me as a bit bitter from his OLD experiences. This is why we advise people not to put negative things in their profile! Aside from his list of "don'ts", which sound like they are based on his actual experiences with OLD, he actually sounds fine to me.

BUT...if you're not interested, you're not. You could either not respond or you could send him the email you suggested.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:34am
I wouldn't respond. I think his profile is talking to the prior people who rejected him online. I avoid those types of profiles altogether.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:40am

Hi,

Have to say everyone is on the money, 100%. I do not punish men for the "sins of others", nor do I want to be done the same way. We have All had our negative experiences, but the good people take those as 'lessons in life, book 220" and move forward.

There are lots of men with more positive attitudes, and I think I would move on to the next one, in this case. This man seems to blaming HIS poor choices on everyone else.

There is NO such thing as 'luck', except where the lottery is concerned! "Luck is where preparation meets oppourtunity". This man sounds like he wants Others to be responsible for the outcome of his life, and you do not need all this baggage, before you even begin dating.

As I say "You get One carry-on bag, and it Has to fit in the overhead bin!"

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 11:00am
Not to mention that it's highly likely you'll have to endure a lot of complaining and droning from the guy about what rotten luck he's had in OLD. Not my idea of a fun night. Complainers generally like to complain to everyone that will listen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 2:36pm

>>Should I just say I am sorry I do not think we are a match?<<

Exactly. Do that, block him, move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 4:34pm
I would agree with NGOL - extend the courtesy of one email politely thanking him for getting in touch but that you think you wouldn't be a good match, and then block him.


MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS