Interest that's based on appearance

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Interest that's based on appearance
10
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 9:53am

Yesterday I received an introductory email from someone. He told me what he does for a living and said he saw my photo, thought I was cute and thought he'd "hit me up". I also got his phone number .


At first, I thought "okay" but now I'm thinking that I'm a little put off by the fact that his motivation to contact me was primarily based on my physical appearance. I'm sure he read my profile - but I have a gut feeling that he didn't really care about what I wrote.


While I definitely am flattered - I have a gut feeling that he's just trying to hook up. Am I being too analytical about this or am I right to feel hesitant?

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:40am

I say check him out...men are just so visual.

Go out and meet him and if it seems like he is just in to it for the "hook up", then just don't see him again.

You never know, he might be a good guy...

Claribeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:43am
Maybe he just didn't have "a way with words" and that's what he came up with?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 11:45am

He's a guy! :-) Guys are very visual and if he said he is attracted to you, no big deal. Consider yourself lucky that it appears he read your profile at all. Yes, we women would never consider sending an initial email that talks about how attractive a guy is or to offer him a compliment on his looks. But guys DO do that.

It's not like he said something like "hey baby, you're really hot, let's hook up sometime " (I've been there, received that email). I do think you are over-analyzing. Talk on the phone or exchange a couple more emails with him and see how it goes. If he continues to focus on your looks ONLY and/or asks to "hook up" rather than meet for coffee or something, you have your answer. If he seems nice and respectful and really seems to want to get to know you, give him a chance. He just knows a beautiful woman and wants to offer her a compliment!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 12:46pm
Do the 30 minute coffee thing. Then decide. Make up some pre-determined excuse as to where you have to be in 1/2 hr.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 1:40pm
I pretty much agree with what has been said here. It is nice to hear a compliment and the fact that your pic caught his eye just means he saw something that attracted him or intrigued him. I get compliments on my pics all the time. I agree if he had said something like you are hot lets hook up that would be different. I have been called a MILF which is another thing that is a red flag. I even as a woman do not go for the buff men but I do have to feel a physical attraction of some sort. I think it was his way of complimenting you to get the conversation started. By your initial meeting you should know more. I agree meeting for 30 minutes or so for coffee or cokes is a good start.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 6:21pm
Hmm - I thought MILF was shorthand that guys only used to communicate with each other...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 8:11pm
Ok, what is a MILF??
Linda
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 8:25pm
Mom I'd Like to .....hopefully you can figure out the rest. Otherwise I'd be violating TOS.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:11pm

>>At first, I thought "okay" but now I'm thinking that I'm a little put off by the fact that his motivation to contact me was primarily based on my physical appearance. I'm sure he read my profile - but I have a gut feeling that he didn't really care about what I wrote.

While I definitely am flattered - I have a gut feeling that he's just trying to hook up. Am I being too analytical about this or am I right to feel hesitant?<<

You are being too analytical about this.

My own belief is that once we are starting to analyze people's motivations behind what they do, we are running down a bad road. Women, in particular, do this a LOT. "Why is he saying this like this, what is he thinking, what does he think of me, I wonder what his motivation is..."

If you're in a bar, or a nightclub, or at the ballpark, or at a church picnic and some guy comes up to you and starts talking to you and flirting with you a bit, what do you think drew him in the first place?

Of COURSE it's appearance. Are you just now realizing that's how men are? :)

As far as only wanting a hookup- well, the only way you're going to find that out is to date him a bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:27pm
well, think about YOU contacting someone through OLD. Don't you check around cute guys' pics and send winks or emails to those who catch your eyes? Same thing! Everyone's profile looks almost the same, anyway. Once you start talking with some guys, you have lots of time to find out personalities, interests etc. even without reading those profiles. I wouldn't answer those damned-head emails like, "you look hot, babe"(err..how stupid is that!!??) but his message sounds to be, "you look attractive and I would like to get to know you better." so, I would talk w/ him if I were you.