Don't ya wanna know WHY sometimes???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2005
Don't ya wanna know WHY sometimes???
6
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 11:10am

WHY didn't it work out? Why didn't you have any contact again after that first meeting? WHY WHY WHY!?

Have you ever then emailed just to ask why? Then I suppose ya don't get a reply, correct?

Have you ever then just CALLED just to ask why? But then ya'd fall into the RED FLAGS category, huh.

That's what I wanna do. Email and then call.

I'm really sorry, I feel like I am board hogging..... I'm normally a very emotionally stable and secure person, very sure of myself and I consider myself extremely attractive. I think that is why I am SO NOT USED TO this sort of behavior in the opposite sex....

Okay, so I did email and ask why, and haven't heard back (SURPRISED!?!?!?) and now I want to call..... and that would give me yet another red flag.

geez, just my emailing was a red flag I'm now finding out!

I wish I had that red flag list about two days ago. I wouldn't have sent it.

Maybe I should change my userID here to RED FLAG CITY. I think I will....

look for me in the future as "redflagcity". not kidding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 11:57am
Awww, it's okay.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 12:18pm

wannasucceed_2004...


Pianoguy is only guessing here, but do you think that your "enthusiasm" during your dates make the men you're with a little nervous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 12:41pm

1. If you go back to those who've rejected you -- then guess what. You've just given them a chance to REJECT YOU AGAIN!

2. Your main problem is not that you were rejected - it's that you are making ASSUMPTIONS about WHY - when the why may not have anything at all to do with your looks, personality or past.

Signed,

Dr. Phil

PS - It's always a waste of time to go back to the rejector. Even if they make up some B/S excuse they ultimately almost 100% wind up rejecting you again in some form or another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 12:58pm
I know it is so tempting to just want to know why. I have been there and still get that way sometimes. Of course I want to know why but it will not change how he feels so... You just have to say it was not meant to be and do not beat yourself up about it. If you know why it won't matter. Their reasons might be different from one to the next. A lot of the men I meet are so new to it all they do not even know whether they want to be doing it or not, etc. My friend felt like you too and she finally met a wonderful man. I kept telling her you have to go through all of that to find hopefully something real. I have not found it yet(not actively pursuing right now really), but she did so it can happen. Do not beat yourself up. Forget about him or anyone else. Examine yourself and step back to look at what you are doing to see if you are doing anything in your eyes that might be perceived as piano stated or anything else. If there are things coming from you, you are the best key to figuring that out or talking to a close friend who knows you well. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 4:55pm
We've all felt like that. I have dents in my walls from banging my head trying to figure it out. But I've had to learn the hard way and best thing is to say one little word ---
N E X T ... I usually find that to be cold but I'm learning that it's okay in the dating world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 9:53pm

Lg1964,
Your last email was great! I always want a reason myself. I never ask for one, but I make some really horrible assumptions. Although I haven't demanded a reason, your reasons why it is a bad idea are excellent and I'll be sure to pass them along to friends who also ask why.

Thanks!!