It's No Wonder...
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| Sat, 01-29-2005 - 1:34pm |
The last few weeks I have been giving a lot and consideration to why it is so difficult to find someone. I know I have been through my ups and downs with OLD as everyone here has. Currently, I have been dating someone I met online about a year ago and it has had it's ups and downs...we never fight, I just think we both have our own stuff to deal with.
I have read He's just not that into you, and I guess there is also a book that just came out called, "your not that into him either". Otherwise, why would we put up with all the bull. Someone from this board also suggested a reading of "He's Scared, She's Scared." I'm just about finished with it and after reading it I can see a lot of my own commitment problems and see that probably everyone has some sort of commitment problems.
I see how we very much attract people that have our exact same problem...my question for everyone here is do most of you take the things you read with a grain of salt? Anyone can write a very persuassive arguement that we need to let these people go and find someone who is ready for a commitment. But guess what, we find them and then we don't want them. We think they are crazy because they are ready to jump into a relationship so quickly. I believe that the readings help open our eyes to situations to be aware of, but then I started thinking that many people might take it to mean jump ship and try something new.
I can't say I have consistantly dated online for a year, it has been up and down and I think I have meet a handful of people I could have perhaps got serious with. When I was at that fork in the road, of course the one I was most attracted to, wanted to be with just me, so that is who I ended up with. But I do wonder how things would have been different if I chose someone else.
I think I went off on a tangent, saying a lot more than I intended to. So my question is...Do you believe there is WAY too much relationship reading material out there that does put more ideas into our heads or do you pretty much just go with the flow of things until you believe this isn't the one?

iteach52004...
Pianoguy CAN'T speak for anybody, but himself....but any and all reading material is "subject to interpretation" by the person who reads it.
The FINAL DECISION to try OLD is up to you....and that should be based (not only on what you've read), but whether the person who interests you seems like someone you'd like to get to know a little better?
All of us communicate differently.
No matter what ails you there is a book written on how to cure it. I believe the reason for this is that people need answers and so are willing to put up the bucks to find them. Demand = Supply.
The joke is, nobody fully understands anybody. Nobody understands women, least of all women. Nobody knows why a guy would rather bonk a brainless beauty than hook up with interesting plain Jane. So why waste a minute thinking about it? Why obssess over the small percentage of the human race that are so difficult to get along with?
Here's the real deal: know yourself, know what you want, know what you don't want. Then expect to compromise A LOT. An expression I heard that I really like: Love him, love his dog. The "dog" could be that annoying habit, or simply a lack of one your must-haves.
I happen to have read several books that helped me with the relationships in my life; ironically, they were sales books not Loves Me/Loves Me Not books. The LM/LMNB are interesting to read as theory and should definitely be taken with a grain of salt.
EXCEPT FOR: HJNTIY, the point of which I have spent countless hours trying to get across to various woman friends who remained in hopeless situations!!!
To answer your last question, I like to go with the flow with a new guy. Sort of see where it goes before putting too much stock into the friendship. It takes time to get to know someone.
Oops, time to take the clothes out of the dryer, so I'll end my rambling.
Hope everyone is dating up a storm this weekend!!
amjay