what's appropriate for Valentine's Day?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
what's appropriate for Valentine's Day?
29
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 6:40pm
Hello, o.k. it's about the time of the year and I have this question re: Valentine's present. I met this guy online, exchanged several emails, went for dinner and his house 5 times in total. We've done hugs, french kisses and touching etc., but haven't slept together, and I don't know if it'll be soon or will take for a while. I just don't feel I know him very well enough yet. When we see each other, he always suggests what we should do next time we meet, but seldom emails me or calls me - I think he's getting lazy a bit in this aspect - he says he's too busy. If I email him, he responds right away but messages are always short. When he sees me, he looks happy and I think he pretty enjoying hanging out with me. I've started feeling this pressure of "valentine's day" and even went to look at some cards - I just don't feel like giving him, "I love you" cards with a bunch of hearts or roses printed, but I don't think, "to my wonderful friend" is appropriate, either. I really can't find any card which seems appropriate! I like him, but I don't know my feeling to him very well yet, and I just don't want to say, "I love you" yet. I think giving some roses or chocolate is a nice gesture, too, but I don't know if "red" roses is appropriate for my feeling, either. I certainly want to do something for him, but I am not quite sure what's appropriate. Should I go for red roses, even if I'm not "I love you" stage yet, just because it's Valentine's Day?? I think he likes me and enjoy talking with me, too. We just hit right off when we talk, but still, I don't know this should be the right reason to fall for him. Do you have any suggestion?? Thanks in advance!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 6:50pm

I wouldn't get him anything. Too soon IMO. If ya have to, get him a 6-pack of his favorite beer. Roses and chocolate for a guy? Not sure about that. I can't see myself getting any guy I date roses or chocolate.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 6:55pm
I think you should look around some more. There are plenty of funny lighthearted cards out there. Been to Hallmark lately? And the flowers? I think that would be a bit much at this point. Go for something more low key. Does he like beer? The stores in my area have a "beer from around the world" theme six pack.
Michele
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 6:58pm

I have to laugh at myself, I was yelling, "NO, don't even THINKG about it" at the computer screen while reading your post, LOL!!!

Seriously...I'd wait and see if he even asks you out for Val Day before you even consider giving him a card or anything else. Roses are WAAAAYYYY too much at this early stage. If he does ask you out, then you can get a funny card and something like a CD or book (nothing too personal or too expensive).

This guy needs to step up to the plate and start calling and emailing YOU...I wouldn't assume anything at this point.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 7:05pm
good point, Sheri. You've taken this pressure off of me.. thanx for the warning.
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 7:34pm

Just thought I'd throw in my .02 as well...

I'm at a similar stage with my guy, round about that month mark, nice dates, a bit of (ahem) romance, slow on the phone calls/emails. They are pretty much to set up the next plans or chat for a short bit, 10-15 minutes. I KNOW he is busy, works long hours and his schedule conflicts a bit with mine so I don't worry about it. But I also don't know "where this might be going" or whatever. You really can't assume anything until you discuss it.

"I love you" is definitely not appropriate at this point - until you really get to know each other over at least several months in a variety of situations, have a first big fight & see how you handle conflict together, know if you are really headed in the same direction with your lives & on the same page re the relationship, until then calling it "love" is just a fantasy.

I'm hoping for a v'day date but that ball is TOTALLY in his court. Chocolates & flowers are for the guys to give the girls. It might weird him out a bit. If anything, I'd consider getting him a cute/funny/casual "I like you" card. If you don't find one that says quite what you want to say, you can always find a blank/generic card and write your own sentiment inside.

Several years ago my ex & I were also at this same point. He got me some chocolates & a simple card with a heart on the front and "Happy Valentines Day" inside. Sweet but casual. That's the most I would hope for, anything more is a nice bonus.

And even if he does go all out for you on this lovely hallmark holiday, don't feel like you're obligated to sleep with him until you're good & ready. :)

Jen

Avatar for skydance2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-30-2005 - 9:21pm

Being that you aren't completely sure where things are going with him, I'd probably just opt for something simple. Maybe bake him some cupcakes or brownies- a cute lighthearted card? (it doesn't have to be that sappy).

I've never given a guy flowers for Valentines (including those I was in a long term relationship with). Heck, I didn't even realize men were as into the "receiving" end of Valentines day gifts! Perhaps its just the men I've known.

Incidentally, I hope he is equally as busy as you are thinking about different things he can do for you for Valentine's Day too!

But this prompts me to ask what you guys out there think of Valentine's Day. Do you expect/enjoy receiving gifts (other than the obvious) on this romantic occasion?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:14am

Hmmm... well, not sure what you meant by "the obvious" skydance -- but if you meant wild & crazy sex, then I think you know guys pretty well... :)

Seriously, a "special" night where the SO gets into some really sexy lingere -- maybe surprises you when you arrive home, then you have a very intimate evening. I think most guys would appreciate that more than anything else you could give them.

Of course, I understand that many of the people on this board have not been dating long enough for this to be a realistic possibility. In that case, remember you usually can't go wrong with sports stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:42am

If you want to send something, you could just send him a free "e-card".

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:02am
Not sure what I'll get R...he and I have gotten very close, but he understands I don't have a lot of money to spend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:10am
Eric - You are such a GUY! And I mean that in the best sense of the word!
Here's hoping by Valentine's Day 2006 I'll be with someone I'd gladly greet at the door in sexy lingerie (Saran wrap will do in a pinch :)

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