Hyperdating [article]
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 01-31-2005 - 2:09pm |
Hyperdating: How online dating speeds up the courting process
Many online daters are setting up as many as ten or more dates per week, sometimes two or three a night.
by Lisa Daily
A friend of mine usually has five or six dates a week with guys she's met online. Is she a tramp? No, actually, she may be an old-fashioned girl by today's dating standards. Many online daters are setting up as many as ten or more dates per week, sometimes two or three a night. Welcome to the fast-paced world of hyperdating.
Contrary to what you might expect, most hyperdaters aren't slutty, sex-crazed players looking for a hook-up. In fact, many daters use hyperdating as a way to speed up the traditional dating process in order to find a meaningful relationship.
Many people who date online have sharpened their online dating skills down to an exact science: The scenario goes something like this:
You meet online. Something sparks and you find yourself emailing back and forth like a couple of lovesick teenagers. She shares her traumatic frog experience from the fourth grade; he confesses that his favourite song is "Wind beneath my wings." Before you know it, you're trading photos, rapid-firing IMs, and setting a date for coffee/lunch/drinks. You finally meet in person, decide the chemistry just isn't enough to overcome your previous knowledge of his/her cat collection/persistent underemployment/sketchy wardrobe and you end the date before the waiter has a chance to bring a check. Or, there is a spark, and you bond feverishly over your previously established adoration of canned ravioli/ Graham Norton/tarot cards. In which case you finish your Apple-tinis (certain you've found your soul mate,) and head back to your place.
We swoon over the profiles of bankers and car salesmen the way we used to pore over the details of TV heartthrobs and rock-n-roll front men in the latest edition of Teen Beat.
Unfortunately, looking for something meaningful can be a challenge in the convenience-driven world of online dating. Why settle for less than romance novel perfection when there is a full menu of replacement dates as close as the nearest Internet connection? And, with the introduction of mobile dating (dating via cell phone) on the horizon, industrious daters could be hooking up with someone new while their not-so-fantastic date is in the restaurant bathroom.
Dating has been transformed from ten years ago when a "date" meant drinks, dinner, a movie and maybe a kiss on the doorstep. Now, it's the 30-minute mini-date. Friday night date night may still mean drinks, dinner and a movie, but now, it's with three different people.
Here's the good news about hyperdating: Thanks to the magic of romance technology and round-the-clock man shopping, you can cram 15 years worth of dating into a mere 37 months. The bad news: You may be so numb from chronic over-dating that you fail to realize when Mr. or Ms. Right finally crosses your inbox.
More good news about hyperdating: You can learn from somebody's profile what would have taken grandma five dates to glean in a traditional dating process. The bad news: Too short, too lazy, too undereducated. In a slower-paced social setting you might take the time to get to know someone who wouldn't fit your ideal profile, somebody bad on paper and great in person. In the efficiency-driven world of hyperdating we make snap judgments based on height, job description and pet preference. Like a Lexus salesman who passes over the millionaire with the scruffy jacket and torn blue jeans, a shopper that doesn't look like he can make the payments doesn't get offered the test drive.
The solution? While hyperdating can certainly increase your odds of meeting someone fabulous a lot faster, it can also make it more of a challenge to make a real connection. The key is to take a deep breath and make an effort to go beyond the profile and photo and get to know the real person. In person.
In the end, it doesn't matter if it's your fourth date of the day, fourth date of the month or even the fourth date of your whole life. Every person you meet is a chance to meet the one. The key is to keep your eyes, your heart and your mind open. And remember, while hyperdating has its perks, you can't hurry love.
Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!

Good article!
I'd have to say that the ideal would be somewhere in between "hyperdating" and the old-fashioned kind. Maybe two or three dates a week, but short ones. (Of course, right about now I'd be happy with just ONE date a week. Cold spells suck.)
One thing did jump out of the article at me- any guy who says his favorite song is "Wind Beneath My Wings" is NOT dating material, because that's a guy with some deep issues to work out. (And the odds are that when he does, he's not going to be dating women anymore, if you know what I mean.)
OK, who are these people, where do they live and what site are they using? :-D And they must be freakishly hot or the most wonderful person on earth because hardly a soul I know (on this board or otherwise) has 5 or 6 online dates in a MONTH (or in some cases a YEAR) much less in a week. Cram 15 years of dating into 37 months? Well, OK, maybe that since I tended to not date a lot before OLD and now at least have some dates. But whatever! What a crock!
The ending paragraph is nice and very true and a good attitude to have toward OLD. But I think my odds would be significantly increased meeting "the one" if I were going on 30 dates a month! LOL!
I hear you. It took me 2 years of online dating
Hey Hoov (and anyone else)...
One thing to think about. Yes, it might be that we go a long time without many dates... but I have to wonder- how many did YOU ask out?
And of the guys who contacted you, how many did you give enough encouragement to or respond to enough that they asked you out?
And of those, how many did you go out with?
It seems to me that we often find ourselves in here, bemoaning the fact that we are not getting a lot of dates... and yet we'll also find ourselves in here, nitpicking apart the email or profile of someone who wrote to us.
Well, I don't know if we get to have it both ways. :)
I've found myself thinking about this recently as I was clicking "no thanks" to a gal who'd winked at me. I thought "Hey, NGOL, you were just last night whining about not having enough dates, and now there's some woman who's actually showing interest and you're saying no to her?"
So I guess it's a personal challenge. I'm trying to be more open to communicating with, and possibly going out with (at least ONCE), women who I wouldn't ordinarily think of as "my type".
Who knows how it will turn out?
Now, I'm not suggesting ya'll start going out with those guys who send you the penis pictures or anything, but maybe that kind of plain-looking guy who you ordinarily would say "no thanks" to is worth a coffee meeting? Maybe the guy who barely wrote anything at all in his profile is very shy, but when you meet him in person he's got a light in his eyes that you'd really like?
One thing about the BBD syndrome- it makes it really easy for us to pass up people who might be perfectly good matches.
And unless we're asking out lots of people ourselves, I don't think it's fair to always complain that we're never getting asked out. Yes, women, that goes for you, too; I don't care HOW old-fashioned you are, it's the 21st century and it is OKAY to ask a boy out for coffee. :)
Wow - I would have to say that article is right on except I dispute the use of the word "Date".
I think it's relatively easy to get several first meetings in a week. The real issue is turning them into Dates (first or seconds).
REALLY? Because I am surprised. I personally don't think it is easy to get several first meetings in a week and judging by JH, she has similar experience to me. I don't receive a lot of emails (I did get 8 last week on Matchmaker and I suppose I could have met every single one of them including the one looking for a dominatrix and the guy from Ghana although a coffee date might have been a little tough) and I get frustrated sending out emails or winks with few responses or those "thanks but no thanks" canned or otherwise so I don't send them anymore.
I don't think my experience is that different from most people out here and I am not being overly picky, but I do have standards. But yes, if I said yes to every guy that ever emailed me (if it got that far each time to begin with), I could have some weeks that are pretty good. But most weeks would be just like any other without OLD.
I've never thought first meetings were tough to get. I think sitting through them is another matter altogether...
I would have to contact probably 4 people a day to counter ghosting -- but I could probably swing 5 meets a week. There's not enough online people in my area to sustain that.
I'm not complaining. Fifteen dates in two