where did I go wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
where did I go wrong?
8
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:47pm

This is just for fun and education purpose only :)
I am hoping for your input here. Below is a profile of a guy that ended up being such a player. When I read it first I though wow! As things turned out between us I can admit that there are things that I overlooked.
What are some red flags that you see here that I didn't? I need to know this so I can try to avoid it in the future.
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Loving, caring, fun, funny and dedicated. Recently moved into the *** area to help an aviation company. I used to pilot jets around the world but became tired of being away from home. Now I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground a little more but I still love to travel for fun. My time off is precious so I often take off to where cell phones won't work. The usual destinations are the mountains where I can ski and hike or the tropics where the water is warm, the drinks are cold and scuba diving is wonderful. A good day or two off starts with loading up the dog for a quick packing trip, sailing, camping at a lake or taking advantage of the rivers. I'm into wine and collect the funky good wines not many have heard of. The collecting is usually followed shortly by the drinking so the collection could always be bigger. Good food is a must to accompany the wine and the small 10 table restaurants with the great chefs are a treat. I'm always up for trying a new place. I've pretty much had it with the club scene but live music venues seem to pull me in. No baggage here; simple, honest, no secrets, no games, no tall tales and would expect the same in return.

I'm not demanding in a match. I don't have a "type" and try not to judge anyone by their look, their job, or how much money they make. When I use those things to make judgements I'll usually end up being wrong. I'm looking for someone who is comfortable in both dirty jeans and a little black dress, not a princess but a partner. A person who is comfortable with themselves and doesn't need to be babied, I'll spoil you anyway. Someone who doesn't mind being yanked out of their routine every once in awhile. If I grab you and say "Let's go!", it's most always worth it. Finally someone honest, upfront and not a "player".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:55pm

My two cents—the profile seems good. The downside is you have to date people to find out. You can have someone who writes well and says the things you’re looking for and someone else who doesn’t quite know what to put and you end up having a great relationship. No guarantees—trial and error. It’s a matter of luck, timing, chemistry and being with the right person. You might date someone but after a while you realize they aren’t what you’re looking for long term, doesn’t make them a player.

SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 7:57pm

Is this the guy who's planning on moving? Or is it another guy? Why do you say he is a player?

There's a possible red flag in him putting so much emphasis on honesty and no games, etc, but otherwise it seems fine, if unclear about what type of r'ship he's looking for (if I had to guess I'd say he was looking for companionship and sex, not a serious r'ship, so that's something I would have clarified early on).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 8:08pm
Sheri,
that's the guy from CA. I feel he definitely is a player because despite his proclaimed honesty he lies about working all the time and not having time to get together, sending me one-liners out of nowhere to be sure I am still hanging out there in case he changes his mind. I don't respect this. He is definitely in the past - I am just trying to rewind back to see what could I have done different.
Than again some of the nicer written" profiles are from the Don Juan-likes.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 8:27pm

Ok...to me, it sounds more like differing expectations than him being a player, but that's probably just semantics.

What it sounds like you should have done differently is say "next" the 2nd time he blew you off because he was "too busy" (I say 2nd time because I think everyone should get one "freebie"...but that's it).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 9:00pm

I don't see one red flag. Maybe that's why I suck at this.....lol.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 01-31-2005 - 11:42pm

doesn't sound like a player and his profile seems fine to me.

possibly just not interested.. maybe?? did you wink or did he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 4:50am

When he said he was a "pilot", that should be a yellow flag at a minimum. Those guys are notorious for being players.

Why not? People look up to them, some of them make big bucks, they're always away from home (therefore needing company?), and they have that command authority guy in charge thing going on.

I've known several pilots, and while there's plenty who are good, kind, caring, decent, non-player types, there's a lot who are total hound dogs.

Ladies, I say enter into relationships with pilots with your eyes open and being careful. You might land yourself a good one (haha, NG makes a pun) but you might also crash and burn (wow, two puns in one sentence!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Tue, 02-01-2005 - 5:30am

What do you do for a living?

Lisa