What does This mean?....
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| Wed, 02-02-2005 - 7:40pm |
Hi Y'all,
My New Year's Resolution was "refuse to be confused" in 2005..but, here I am again--perplexed!
Met a nice man on Match, had 2 great dates. He seems to like me a lot, I like him. I Learned from the past and did Not quit going online, and have done so about every 3 days. I got burned by the 'eggs in one basket' thing early on, it makes men feel there is no competition, from what I hear, so it is "game over" and they move on. Did ck his profile, he had been inactive 3 weeks.
Last Saturday night, I mentioned Chinese food and he said that sounded good. He also said he wanted to take me out during the week, and see me more, and I said starting 2/1 I could, my work sked changed. He called Sunday, no word after that, and I felt he might think I am "JNIT" him, so Tuesday afternoon, I sent a sweet/short email saying hi. His reply: Great week, but busy. Hope to see you this weekend"....ok, 'Hope' is something for situations you cannot control--he Can ask me out!
Oh well, so question is this--was showing a pal his profile, which you Can do without logging on to Match, and Bam! "active within 24 hours"--okaay...certainly his prerogative, and I have been on too. I am thinking that his "hope" is that he can fit me in if he has now started up with someone else. That is cool, and btw, we have not had any 'exclusive' talks, only been 2 dates.
So why ask? Just confused....what say you?
Truly,
Cucpake

I’m not sure I quite understood your message but if you’re waiting for a third date and he hasn’t followed up then don’t call or email especially if you already have (that’s overkill)...downside of on line dating and most of us have been in your shoes, just because one or two dates are good and seem to go well does not guarantee a third. Keep dating and not worry about it; if he calls great and in the meantime keep living your life.
Peanut
Hi Peanut,
Thanks for your reply, and that is what I am doing anyway, but it is good to hear from you that I am doing the Right thing. No, no more emails from me, and I have never called, so no prob. I have two other men that have asked to meet me, so I will move forward and hope he keeps the pace, if not..Bygones.
I Really like it when I can stay emotionally UNattached while OLD...they get your hopes up with all of the things they Say to you. I am too old to fall for lines!
Appreciate all replies!
Truly,
Cupcake
I'm not seeing what it is that you're confused about.
The guy wants to see you more. You like him, he likes you. That's cool.
You aren't exclusive with him. You and he both have been on Match recently. That's cool too.
If you are asking about the fact that you don't appear to have definite plans for this weekend, then you're asking the wrong crowd- we don't run his social schedule. :) What you need to do is call HIM up and say "hey, we were thinking this weekend- here's when I'm free, what is good for you?"
If you've been out twice then there's nothing wrong with asking HIM out. (Unless you're a believer that the man should always do the asking.)
But thus far, the only thing that appears to make you nervous is two things:
First, he had been offline for 3 weeks but now was on Match in the past 24 hours. Of course, so were you, so that's not really saying anything.
Second, he didn't really set a firm time for a date. Of course, he said he's been busy this week.
Here is what you do. You ask him out. If he goes, you know he's at least somewhat into you. Then after that, you don't ask him again, and you see what he does. If he asks you out again, that's good. If he doesn't, you move on, because you aren't going to waste your pretty on him. :)
Hi NGOL,
Thanks for your viewpoint too. As a man, you do not mind being asked out so soon?
I Am kinda old school per dating. After about 5 dates, I will invite a man over and cook for him, not exactly staying 'even',but I do believe in doing nice things for them too, and most men do not get home cooking! I think I already kinda Did ask him out on Saturday night--saying I was craving Chinese and 'we' should go and have fun eating with chopsticks.
Have come to that point, kind of a sad one we women know all too well: "He has my phone number and email address, so he can contact me. If not...Later Days." Never Have chased a man or begged for male attention, and surely not gonna start now!
True that he is a lawyer and might be busy as he said, it all just felt very "speed bump"-ish to me. As for his being online, who will ever know? Not this cupcake.
Ding...next round!
Truly,
Cupcake
I love the attitudes I'm reading here. I'm thinking about online dating and came here first (VERY glad I did!). A friend recently recommended the book "He's Just Not That Into You," and it changed my perspective on a lot of things. I was going through an IRL situation yesterday with a guy not returning my e-mails and the friend just happened to recommend it around that time, so I went to Amazon to check it out and after reading the back cover and the excerpt, I was more determined than ever to forget this loser and move on to the next one. (Unfortunately, the next one is dragging his heels about asking me out, so that didn't help much!) Here's an excerpt that kinda relates to your situation:
"Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you."
Hi Lilah,
Thank you...as the time goes by, only 2 days now, you find that you think of them less and less and wonder about what happened even less...I say, His bad! This is where the Cupcake Attitude triumphs over the man who let Heaven on Earth(with icing!) get away! Ding! Next!
I am not a giant fan on JNITY, but I have to say it Does have some merit, so I do not dismiss it totally. Just..how do I travel on the employee bus each day, reading that, and not look like the runt from Lassie's last litter!? Poor me! Not! My oldest brother is an othopaedic surgeon with a large, busy practice and HE can find time to call his wife each day or send her a little email, and it has helped keep them together for 20 years now! Little things count!
This little rock is rollin'!
Truly,
Cupcake
If I was in this scenario, there is no way I would ask the dude out. He's fading on purpose IMO.
Lisa
>>As a man, you do not mind being asked out so soon?<<
Absolutely not.
Now, I'm a tad old-fashioned, and therefore believe that according to tradition it's my job to ask a woman out, but it's certainly not going to bother me if she asks first.
As far as "early" (ie, before a bunch of emails and phone calls)... nope, that doesn't bother me either.
See, here's the thing. In the "old days" we might have had a chance to get to know someone a little bit better, so a "date" was a bigger deal than it is now. We met folks through work, or mutual friends, or church, or friends of our sisters/brothers/cousins/neighbors.
Now, we don't have those great big social circles anymore, so we try to replace the #s of connections through OLD.
But the problem with that, IMO, is that OLD is a poor substitute for getting to know someone. It's too easy for bad guys/gals to fake stuff.
There's a concept in encryption called "trusted key". The idea is that you can trust something if you get it from someone you know and trust, because they got it from someone THEY know and trust.
A better example might be verifying someone's identity. If you meet someone and don't know if they are who they claim to be, how do you verify they are who they say they are?
Well, you could ask for ID, but do you trust that the ID they produce is genuine-ie, from the state or issuing authority- and do you trust that whoever issued the ID did a good job of verifying the person?
Instead, what's the best way? Well, if your cousin, who you have known for a long time and you know to be solid, verifies they are who they say (because your cousin has known them since they were little kids) you can trust that kind of verification the best. (Assuming you know/trust your cousin, of course.)
There's a really old cartoon joke with a dog in front of a monitor and the dog is saying "On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." In fact, here's the original:
http://www.epatric.com/funstuff/dog/
The point is that via OLD, it's really really easy for someone to be "a dog". (I'm not meaning that in the sense of them being ugly, although that applies as well.)
So if we don't have the big social circle to meet people through, and we're trying to use the OLD world to get the #s we need to find a match, how do we deal with the "nobody knows you're a dog" issue?
Easy. We meet them early, and we spend time with them, but we GO SLOW. We don't decide we're madly in love with someone within a couple of dates.
In the old days, you were probably "safer" falling fast, because even if you didn't know George, you knew that your older cousin babysat for George's family and has known George forever and that the family is good people and that George is a very good guy. Going in, you already KNEW a lot more about George.
Meeting him online? Nope, it's going to take longer to build up that kind of background info and knowledge. You only know what George has told you, and if he's a scumbag of course he's going to lie about it so you can't trust George.
So we should go slow in terms of falling for them.
But when it comes to MEETING them, I say go FAST. Meet 'em early.
Trading emails back and forth for a long time do NOT serve your purpose for "going slow", because remember...
"On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog." Trading emails for a long time only to find out that someone is a dog really sucks. Don't do it- find out quickly if they're a dog or not.
Hi NG,
You are an excellent communicator! Thank you for your reply,and I agree with you wholeheartedly. My family was from the same small Texas town for almost 100 years (3 generations), so everyone I went out with in high school, my dad would say "Oh, that's Tom's boy..."--as you said, they were a "known entity". I loved those 'Mayberry' days!!!
Well, it is Friday morning, and I think cute lawyer has officially vaporized. True, could be that something happened and I will find out about it in days to come..something that Truly kept him from contacting me. I am Not the kind to send an ugly email or make an intrusive call, so this little rock will roll; he knows where to find me. The part where he has been offline "over 3 weeks" as it said, and then, he all of sudden, went "active within 24 hours" is where my Intuition says he took fog. Oh well, "Scahlett, Tommorrow is Anutha' Day...". Writing with 3 others now, and sent an email to another last night--with MY Murphy's Law kinda life, they will all roll back up at the same time! And if so...cool that!
Bottom line is, at the end of the day, you gotta take care of You!
Truly and Mil Gracias,
Cupcake