putting on the breaks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
putting on the breaks...
10
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 8:12pm

Hey guys,

I met this great guy over the weekend online. He sent me an email and I responded then we spoke briefly in IM. We have had great conversations on the phone also, He called me yesterday, and today and we have made plans to meet up this weekend. Im a little concerned because we have such a good time talking and we have so much in common that it might be a mistake to talk this much. Not only did he call me today he talked to me in IM when I was at work for about 3 hours. He said that he would call me again tommorrow..is this bad? I dont know, im not used to someone being this attentive, at the same time im worried it might fizzle... any ideas?

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 8:32pm
Define "met"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 8:37pm
Sorry LG i wrote that kinda backwards..
He sent me an email and i replied. So in this case met as in encountered not face to face.
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 8:46pm

You send him this email:


"Would you like to get together for coffee?"


And then unless you want an email buddy - don't continue to correspond unless he replies to setup a definite time (nope - sometime, I'll check, Busy but next week -- don't count). The most I'd give him is an "ok, email me when you know your schedule".


Believe me - if you play it any other way you're setting yourself up for a potential disappointment when you meet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 9:12pm
your right LG..we made plans to go out on saturday, is it ok to keep talking this much?
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 9:28pm
If he doesn't show for Saturday I'd cut off communication unless he scheduled another time with you. I don't think I'd spend all day IM'ing him at work - that leaves you no time to surf porn or read this forum..
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 02-02-2005 - 9:40pm
hey gal, i dont know whats up w/ guys that put all this effort/attention prior to meeting, then poofff their gone after you meet. Ive recently faced this. And int he past. Its one of the most annoying aspects of OLD. But ya just roll with it. Hav ea great time this weekend, and it may continue to go like it is. Myt hing though is if you are questioning it and feeling like pushing back - you are sensing its too mcuh too soon for you. Also, that its "superficial" in the respect its just the prior meeting attn excitemtn, etc... Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 11:26am
As a newbie, I can't offer much but maybe an outsider's perspective. I think a lot of these guys get a thrill out of the IMing and e-mailing in itself. I can also say that in my dating experience, it is not unusual for a man to come on really strong in the beginning, acting as if he just can't get enough of you, then once he gets you all roped in, he's suddenly too busy to call except every seventh Sunday. Not kidding... That's why a friend of mine suggested just enjoy it when you're getting all the attention, don't get too attached, and when they flake on you, move on to the next one. Yeah, I know, easier said than done... But online dating does offer you some other options besides heading down to the local bar and hoping you run into someone who's not just out for sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 11:56am
Definitely keep the meeting and good luck. I would suggest being less available between now and then. I am not suggesting playing games, but don't IM so much (or not at all if you can) and only talk on the phone one more time to confirm the Saturday plans. It is only 2 more days after all! You are setting yourself up for a world of shattered expectations (on both his and your part) if you continue to communicate so much before meeting. If you don't want to make up excuses for not talking, then actually do something - tell him you have to work (and do it or find some!), go to the gym, call a friend, go to a movie, run errands... If you are busy, you will have less time and inclination to talk to him so much and will nip this in the bud.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 12:03pm
lilah - you may be a newbie but you know what you're talking about, esp. re the guys who come on like gangbusters at first and then "forget" your number after they've got you hooked.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 1:34pm

this was all great advice guys, Usually I get the other kind of guy, the HJNTIY guy. That has been my OLD experience so far, so this sorta threw me, but ive read the other threads here and i know that it dies down after the first date usually. I will try to keep my expectations low and just see what happens. Ill let you know, fortunately i know all about "NEXT".

GM

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.