Starting to think that I may not be.....
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| Sat, 02-05-2005 - 7:22pm |
very attractive. Now I know some of you are gonna say, "if you don't like yourself, noone will" not what I mean. I mean the fact that I am a plus sized woman is attracted a humongous bunch of losers:
1st guy went on two dates, but he does not know how to have a conversation. I spent both dates just looking at him cause if I didn't talk, he didn't say anything. But offered to be my man on the first date remind you. He doesn't like to go anywhere or do anything, so of course it was hard to get him to think of anywhere to go. Oh and he kept mentioning wanting an old fashioned wife. Um,next!!
The second guy was a bonafide nerd. He even said so, "I watch the justice league, starwars, startrek, stargate, play playstation and xbox and I go to the movies all the time." So he asks me out to the movies and puts his arm around me during the movie, um NO, I don't know you. Then he asks me out again, but I DON'T KNOW ANY PLACE TO GO. So, I suggest some places and guess what, He doesn't know how to get there. Oh and he continues to ask to come over and watch movies with me. Um, NEXT!!
Now, I keep getting emails from men who live in Ghana and Nigeria. WTF!! These men keep laying it on thick and it makes my skin crawl. Um, NEXT!! So...
I have now gotten the feeling that although I have alot to offer and I have a nice face, my size is only allowing for some socially inept, broke "A" losers who are lonely and horny. Now I know we all have probably gotten our share of "loser responses" but I am getting a sneaking suspicion (sp) that these men who are responding think I will fall for anything....
Maybe I am being supersensitive. I have taken all advice given on this board and I am trying to hang in there with it. I know it takes time and I am not looking for "Prince Charming" online. I know better. I am just getting sick of the loser "brigade" It has definitely inspired me to get back on an exercise regimene. Any thoughts!!
GT33

Well, just like with jeanie2120, I don't have any great words of wisdom for you. Anyway, I think peanut said it so well in her post.
I guess all I can say is just hang in there. And if you want to start exercizing I think that's a great idea. If you do it because it will make YOU feel better about yourself or how you feel.
(hugs) for you too.
-N
trust me its not your size , i get the same type of guys contacting me. once in awhile I get a good one and it lasts for a few dates. But trust me Ive gotten ALOT of these weirdo guys from across the world - nerdie - player types - live in a different country - etc
and im pretty skinny - only due to athletic interests and genes - only said this to help you understand that it really ISNT you.
>>Now I know some of you are gonna say, "if you don't like yourself, noone will" not what I mean.<<
You're right, we're going to say that. Well, I am.
Here's why. What it seems like you're saying with this post is "look at these dorks I'm getting, it must be because I'm bigger and I must not be as attractive as I thought."
You are letting THEM define to YOU how attractive you are.
Don't do that! Screw those losers! (Well, not in the sense of, you know, having sex with them.)
Like Nelle said, if you want to get healthy, exercise, not eat as much, get thinner, then do those things for YOU.
Don't do it for them. As long as you do, you give THEM the power to define you and you give THEM the power over your happiness.
Instead, do it for you. You think you're a great teacher, which is already pretty darned cool- how many lousy teachers are out there? Lots, if I remember school days correctly. And being a teacher is an important, meaningful job.
So if you can take what you feel about how you are as a teacher and apply that to other parts of your life, including dating, including your health, and *make it happen* the same way you made becoming a great teacher happen... what could possibly stop you?
Think of this- let's say you drop, I don't know, a significant amount of weight. Not as much as you might need/want to drop overall, but a good start on the overall plan. You're going to want some validation for this, you're going to want to get some feedback, right?
The new, slimming-down you posts, gets a date, and it's another loserguy. What's going to happen? You're going to be bummed out.
This is totally illogical, because you're giving that power (over your happiness) to the WORST guy you can- some loserguy! What does he know? If he knew anything, he wouldn't be playing with Power Rangers in the bubble bath!
Instead, if/when you get on the exercise kick and start feeling good and strong and healthy, you need to look for your OWN validation. And yes, it will make you more attractive to OTHERS.
Some people, even average looking ones, even plain looking ones, have a certain light and shine about them. People can have weaknesses of all kinds, but their force of personality comes out. Heck, look at the last two Presidents; I don't think either one, Bush or Clinton, is a classically good-looking man, but both of them have large personalities and a fair amount of charisma.
Wanna lose weight? Don't do it for someone else. As long as you're looking outside of yourself, you are giving up your power. Keep it! Build on it!
Thanks niceguy!! When you're right, you're right.
GT33
I am one of the "few extra pounds" category. I just said the other day. Wow I get such weirdos I have to weed through now just think if I were skinnier. I think you would not necessarily have better quality of dates just more weirdos to weed through. Just thought I would share that since I just made a joke the other day about it. You get good and bad no matter color, shape, or size.
Chelle
I have to say, what I hear from women that I know matches what surfergirl said. They get contacted by all kinds of guys- weird and normal both.
Hmm... so it seems all I need to do is to appear normal, and my odds will be vastly increased! ;)
As to weight issue: I'm about average, but in the past, losing just 5 lbs made a big difference in my case - I became more energetic and losing a few lbs changed my mood. It works great on your mental health to shed some extra pounds, I think.
Most of the people I have met or have dated including myself are carrying a few extra pounds. Sometimes we let our own insecurities cloud our judgement. Just remember you are a wonderful person and you are worthy of a prince charming. And just think about it this way, if that guy was trying to put the moves on you that means he was attracted to you, so your weight obviously wasn't an issue, HIS personality was the issue. Most guys I know don't really care about weight as much as we women think they do. When you meet the person that will really make you happy, you will laugh at all the losers that you left in the dust.
Hope that helps..
GM
Thanks!! I am just getting some messed up guys. I mean one guy sent a response with his tongue hanging out!!(ewww) I mentioned the TONS of emails from African men, yeah I will catch the next flight to GHANA!!(not) The old men who are twenty years or more older than me and the young broke penniless dudes thinking I am STUPID enough to take care of them. I found these guys offline as well, I was hoping I didn't run into the same issues online, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well, my next adventure is a fastdater event on March 1st. I am extremely nervous about it, but hey I figured I'd try it once. Thanks again.
GT33