New to this board but not to OLD
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 02-06-2005 - 1:32pm |
Hi,
After leaving a 21 year marriage, I used OLD as a way to jumpstart my social life. It was a great way to get out and to get a feel for dating again. It's been almost 4 years now and, although I had one year-and-a-half long relationship through Matchmaker, I still haven't found love.
Here's my question. I've noticed that if the first one or two dates go well then there appears to be this sense that we have a relationship. I feel this pressure (from myself or whatever) to "make this work". Argh! Is this lightning bolt match the only way OLD will work? Or can a woman date a few men while allowing a relationship to develop? Is this just me or does this happen to anyone else? For you guys, is it okay for a woman to pace things a bit? It just seems if I try to take my time then the guy makes rash judgements and figures he'll just move on.
I may not be making myself clear but I hope someone can make sense of what I'm trying to ask.
Thanks,
Opal

Pages
Hi, opal. You may need to clarify for me what you're asking, I've only had 2 cups of coffee this morning.
What I THINK you are saying, and I totally agree with you, is: 2 dates is far too few to make a decision about a fellow and it's best to keep things friendly and casual and see other people.
Sorry for the lack of caffiene!
Okay, you're on the right track. Two dates seems too short to make commitment decisions yet I'm not sure I have the "luxury" to pace things. Is the art of pure dating and relationship development still possible? I'm really interested in a guy's perspective on this. How do men feel if a woman continues dating others while continuing to date the man? I'm not trying to be that person who can't quit dating. On the contrary, I want to quit dating but the relationship I'm seeking is too important to simply stop and latch onto the first guy I meet with two good back to back dates. Does this help?
Thanks,
Opal
Okay, cup 3 accomplished, and I'm still not a guy, but here goes.
Why are you interested in a guy's perspective on what you want? It sounds like you're asking for approval!
What do you want to hear?
"A guy's" perspective is just that...one man's. Someone who is right for you will be fine with you wanting to date other people early on in the process.
I personally would be VERY leary of someone who wanted to be exclusive after only 2 dates. I have had this experience in the past and IMO it is not a healthy way to approach a potential new r'ship. Emotional health is one of the top criteria I'm looking for in a partner right now, and I think taking things slowly and realisticaly goes hand in hand with that.
So, I guess I'd say "so what?" if "a guy" or some guys don't like it when you are dating other people. You need to do what is right for you, and a man who is right for you will recognize that.
Sheri
Hi opal45...
First...WELCOME TO THE BOARD!
Thanks Sheri,
I appreciate your help with this. You're right, a guy's perspective is just "one" guy's perspective. The thing is, leaving my marriage after 21 years opened a door of hope for me. Admittedly, I catch myself longing (albeit desperate at times) for that love of my life. I find OLD a good place to meet people but it seems as though something is missing. I was just wondering if I was doing something wrong or seeing things incorrectly. I guess it really is true about kissing a lot of frogs.
Somehow I feel as though my question was inappropriate here. I truly feel put in my place. Thanks though for helping me with this. I really appreciate it.
Thanks Pianoguy,
I appreciate your welcome. I might catch your chat someday. I'm sure it's quite popular and fun.
Have a great day,
Opal
Oh, no bother, opal!! I must have come across wrong, which is easy to do when typing a conversation. Sorry!!
You raised an interesting viewpoint. I hope you post lots more!
amjay
Pages