New to this board but not to OLD

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
New to this board but not to OLD
19
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 1:32pm

Hi,

After leaving a 21 year marriage, I used OLD as a way to jumpstart my social life. It was a great way to get out and to get a feel for dating again. It's been almost 4 years now and, although I had one year-and-a-half long relationship through Matchmaker, I still haven't found love.

Here's my question. I've noticed that if the first one or two dates go well then there appears to be this sense that we have a relationship. I feel this pressure (from myself or whatever) to "make this work". Argh! Is this lightning bolt match the only way OLD will work? Or can a woman date a few men while allowing a relationship to develop? Is this just me or does this happen to anyone else? For you guys, is it okay for a woman to pace things a bit? It just seems if I try to take my time then the guy makes rash judgements and figures he'll just move on.

I may not be making myself clear but I hope someone can make sense of what I'm trying to ask.

Thanks,
Opal

**gentle hugs**

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 1:47pm

Hi, opal. You may need to clarify for me what you're asking, I've only had 2 cups of coffee this morning.

What I THINK you are saying, and I totally agree with you, is: 2 dates is far too few to make a decision about a fellow and it's best to keep things friendly and casual and see other people.

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:03pm

Sorry for the lack of caffiene!

Okay, you're on the right track. Two dates seems too short to make commitment decisions yet I'm not sure I have the "luxury" to pace things. Is the art of pure dating and relationship development still possible? I'm really interested in a guy's perspective on this. How do men feel if a woman continues dating others while continuing to date the man? I'm not trying to be that person who can't quit dating. On the contrary, I want to quit dating but the relationship I'm seeking is too important to simply stop and latch onto the first guy I meet with two good back to back dates. Does this help?

Thanks,
Opal

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:05pm
As a guy I'm trying to read signals. If I feel she is ambivalent I take a walk. Very quickly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:07pm

Okay, cup 3 accomplished, and I'm still not a guy, but here goes.

Why are you interested in a guy's perspective on what you want? It sounds like you're asking for approval!

What do you want to hear?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:30pm

"A guy's" perspective is just that...one man's. Someone who is right for you will be fine with you wanting to date other people early on in the process.

I personally would be VERY leary of someone who wanted to be exclusive after only 2 dates. I have had this experience in the past and IMO it is not a healthy way to approach a potential new r'ship. Emotional health is one of the top criteria I'm looking for in a partner right now, and I think taking things slowly and realisticaly goes hand in hand with that.

So, I guess I'd say "so what?" if "a guy" or some guys don't like it when you are dating other people. You need to do what is right for you, and a man who is right for you will recognize that.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 2:35pm

Hi opal45...


First...WELCOME TO THE BOARD!

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 3:04pm
Whoa, hey amjay, sorry if my question bothered you. Am I looking for approval? Maybe. I was just asking if I might be asking too much, that's all. Again, sorry for bothering you.
**gentle hugs**

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 3:13pm

Thanks Sheri,

I appreciate your help with this. You're right, a guy's perspective is just "one" guy's perspective. The thing is, leaving my marriage after 21 years opened a door of hope for me. Admittedly, I catch myself longing (albeit desperate at times) for that love of my life. I find OLD a good place to meet people but it seems as though something is missing. I was just wondering if I was doing something wrong or seeing things incorrectly. I guess it really is true about kissing a lot of frogs.

Somehow I feel as though my question was inappropriate here. I truly feel put in my place. Thanks though for helping me with this. I really appreciate it.

**gentle hugs**

Avatar for opal45
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 3:15pm

Thanks Pianoguy,

I appreciate your welcome. I might catch your chat someday. I'm sure it's quite popular and fun.

Have a great day,
Opal

**gentle hugs**

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 3:17pm

Oh, no bother, opal!! I must have come across wrong, which is easy to do when typing a conversation. Sorry!!

You raised an interesting viewpoint. I hope you post lots more!

amjay

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