Elusive Chemistry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Elusive Chemistry
6
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 8:52pm

So I have been out twice with a great guy. I like him. He is intelligent. He is well spoken. He is taller than me. ;-) He seems to be everything I want in a guy. He is attractive, but I am not attrated to him. I talked to my sister about the situation. She seems to think I should go out with him a few more times. I mean even I have been in this situation before, but by the end of the second date I did feel the chemistry.


My question to all of you would be...


at what point do you say, if there is no chemistry there never will be?

Michele

Michele
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2004
In reply to: thyst19
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 9:51pm

Michele,


I'm looking for the answer to that question too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: thyst19
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 10:03pm

As for me, I think I can tell pretty quickly (within a date or two) if I think there will be chemistry ever. I generally ask myself sometime during the first meeting/date whether or not I could ever imagine myself kissing this person or if they feel more like a brother or friend or if the thought is just in some way repulsive (yes, that's happened too). Even if I may not feel a huge spark if the thought doesn't repulse me or make me feel weird, I go on another date or two. If there is still no spark after a couple or three dates, I call it quits.

Just my 2 cents!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
In reply to: thyst19
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 10:36pm

3rd date I would say. Cause the first date you are both nervous. The second date, you are still feeling each other out, by the 3rd date if you aren't feeling anything, I say move on. Maybe even a 4th date, but that's it. Don't waste your time. Noone is saying that you have to fall in love and feel "it" right a way, but there is usually something there in the beginning that makes you want to "get to know this person" If you don't feel it pretty soon, then you just don't click and there's nothing wrong with that.

GT33

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: thyst19
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 10:43pm

I'm in a similiar situation...have had two dates with a guy I really *like* as a person and enjoy talking to, but I'm not feeling "that way" about him. We're going out again next Saturday, so I guess I'll see how I feel at the end of that date and go from there. I wish I did feel attracted to him, because he really seems like a great guy, but it's either there or it's not. I did have one moment Friday night where I felt a flash of *possible* attraction, though, so I'm going to give it a bit longer and see if anything develops (although I personally have never had that happen...it's either there from the beginning or it's not).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
In reply to: thyst19
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 10:44pm

I'm thinking two or three dates. Maybe four.

I once dated a gal who I'd known, previously, as a friend for several months before we went on a "date" type deal. (We were both involved with others.) She said later she was surprised when I asked her out, because she had never seen me that way. (I had always thought she was kind of cute, but guys are like that- checking women out frequently.)

We only went out a few months, and the reasons we broke up weren't exactly chemistry (went off to school and just couldn't keep the LDR going) but she said it definitely took a shift in her thinking at first before she could sense any chemistry there.

So it CAN take a little while.

That said, in the cases y'all are talking about, from the beginning it's a romantic type of dating situation... which means that it's not a matter of shifting your mindset from "this person is a friend" to "this person is someone I want to get naked with". In theory, in dating, you're already at the latter phase. :)

Yeah, couple two, three, maybe four dates. No chemistry? Gotta move on.

It sucks, really totally sucks, to be in an unbalanced deal where one person thinks there's hot chemistry and the other person is thinking "not so much", so go gentle on the poor guy.

After all, the next time that happens, it could be you that's all hot and bothered.

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
In reply to: thyst19
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 12:08am

I say go out with him a few more times and see if it develops. By 4 dates though you should have a good idea of whether or not chemistry is there. If it doesn't happen though, let him down easy. :)