what would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
what would you do?
12
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 2:06pm
okay, met a guy last week on match. We went to dinner last Wednesday and have since talked several times on the phone and exchanged emails, blah blah blah...same ol' stuff. Well, I'm his first date from match and he seems to have alittle self esteem issue. He keeps asking me if he should change his profile. He thinks his picture makes him look huge, etc. I also made the mistake of telling him that my profile has been viewed over 4500 times (over the past 9 months or so). He says it'll be a long time until he reaches that, etc.... We really do get along and have alot in common and I really, really want to see him again. So I joked with him that I wasn't going to help him tweek his profile to get more hits...he didn't really say anything. He's away on business until Thursday and left me a voice mail that he'd shoot me an email and to stay in touch til he got back.
Should I say anything else to him or just wait and see what happens??

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 3:16pm

I would just let it lie, although personally I doubt I would see him again...it's BEYOND tacky, IMO, that he's asking you for help with his profile!!!

It's one thing to be talking to and dating other people (it's assumed that we're all doing that until you agree to date exclusively) but to talk about it...tacky, tacky, tacky.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 3:38pm

The best way to get him to stop asking about his profile, his looks, etc, is to NOT reinforce him at all when he brings it up. Just blow it off with a little joke and move on to some other topic of conversation.

I think you should mostly wait to see what happens, see if he's into you. Maybe an email every other day or so, or a quick phone call, just to let him know that you're still interested and would accept another date invitation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 4:33pm
I'm with Sheri! When I read that, I thought "How rude that he is asking for her advice on how to make his profile better so that he can get more action!!" It's kind of like he might have a self-esteem problem, but that he is still waiting for that BBD and doing the kid in a candy store thing. Let it lie. If he's hurt that you told him you wouldn't help him get more dates then he has the problem.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 9:35pm

I agree with Sheri and Vexer, I think it was rude for him to ask you to help him with his profile.

I do have to admit to helping a guy who winked at me, with his profile though, but only because it was so pathetic. He was a teacher and his whole profile just screamed "please feel sorry for me and date me". I emailed him and politely said I didn't think we were a good match but that I felt if he altered his profile some, that he might find more ladies showing interest in him. I stressed the more positive things he had stated, since there were a few of them in his profile. He said something in it like, I've been on here 4 months and not one person will talk to me... I asked him if he would want to date someone that said only negative things about themselves. He did change his profile later to a more positive approach, but I never emailed him to see if it helped - didn't want to go there!

A couple of weeks ago I actually had a guy copy my profile word for word onto his profile, except for replacing the male gender words with female! I couldn't believe it! And he had the nerve to wink at me so that I could see what he had done!

I would question whether this guy is really interested in you if he continues to ask you to help him with his profile. So many of the newbies on the dating sites are emailing and winking at so many people at first, they just want to try as many flavors as possible I believe. I'm always a little cautious of the new ones exactly for that reason.

But you never know either - it could be a good thing for the two of you. But I would question if he continues to want you to help him with his profile, to me that would be a red flag. Good luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 9:41pm

donna, what you have on your hands is a BUDDY!! I wouldn't waste anymore valuable dating hours with him. And I just have to repeat that wonderful word of Sheri's: TACKY.

I don't believe he has a self esteem problem. His problem is that he is busy picturing the hundreds of women who will bed him down for hundreds of nights!!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:35pm
amjay, You made my night and had me laughing so hard when you said - "...he is busy picturing the hundreds of women who will bed him down for hundreds of nights!!..." OMG did you sum that up great!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 12:03am

Hi,

Agree with all here and looks like Amjay Nailed it! lol! Once I meet someone I will not talk about OLD for more than about 5 minutes. I have had men ask me what I liked, did not like, how to improve, etc their profiles, and I feel like I must be on their 'used car sales team' and someone Forgot to tell me this! I AM the cupcake in front of you and Never want to evoke the face or statistics of another female at that point! It is ok for someone to say "I bet you have lots of dates" (fishing) or "you must get lots of responses" (compliment), but past That, then we are Discussing your profile and no, thank you!

Ding! Next! Let him Buddy Up with someone else!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 10:55am
well, I think he's not all that bad. We talked on the phone last night and nothing was said about his profile. It was just a normal conversation. So I'm thinking the previous talk was maybe just nerves.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 11:12am

Has he asked you for a 2nd date yet?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-08-2005 - 11:20am
yep, he's asked several times if I would like to get together again. He lives about 2 hrs away but has a vacation home from Apr-Oct near the beach near me. He's coming down my way again next week and asked if I wanted to go out. So we'll probably do dinner next week.

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