Why I'm quitting for a while....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Why I'm quitting for a while....
31
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 8:14pm

Sorry I have not been around the board much lately. I am going to hide my profile and take a break from everything to do with dating for a while.

Today at lunch I had a coffee date that was not online but actually just a blind date that a friend set up for me. It's a girl my friend works with. We met and seemed to have a nice conversation, and I thought it went pretty well. Tonight I get home and I have an email saying she "really likes my personality but I am not her type as far as looks go". Wow -- at least she was honest, huh?

I am so down on myself now I am considering seeing someone professionally to talk to this about. Maybe that would help.

I am just so tired of it all right now. I have seen two of my coworkers get divored and find a great girl only months after. They are both in serious relationships now.

I will try to visit the board more often. You guys are great company and always make me laugh. I will also try to make chat tonight.

Eric

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 8:28pm

eric...


You're just having "an off-season" right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 8:32pm

I'm sorry, Eric. I think a break sounds like a good idea right now. It sounds like you really should take some time out for yourself right now. Don't let anyone else dictate how you feel about yourself, though. Keep telling yourself what a fantastic person you are, and if a professional can help you see that, then go for it, just don't keep beating yourself up. There's a great girl out there somewhere for you! ~smiles~

Holly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 8:35pm

Eric,

So what if she thought that you were unattractive. BFD.

That's one person's opinion. Why would youi give someone you don't know the power to control YOUR life??

PS - Congratulations on becoming frustrated. I think that's the only time we truly tend to step up to the plate and take action to change our lives. I know that happened with me when I was divorced. You become what you think about most of the time. If you think about unsuccessful things guess what?

PPS - If you think that you need help -- you should go get it tomorrow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 8:58pm

Eric~

By all means do what you need to do to take care of yourself. I applaud your recognizing that maybe some counseling will help you with getting your feet back on solid ground. I have had to do it a few times before and maaaaaaannnnnn did it help me with understanding myself, my family, and patterns.

Sometimes it is scary to do that much self-exploration. I always felt therapy/counseling was like (ok, I know this is gross, but...) lancing a boil. Icky, gross, painful...but toatally worth the health you find in the end.

Let us know if we can help in any way.

~xrg

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 9:23pm

Hi Eric -

I've only posted here a few times, but I read this board a lot. Your post hit me in my gut. I totally sympathize with you...why we let these people who we hardly know and who hardly know us AT ALL dictate how we feel is ridiculous - but we do it all the time. Don't let the bastards get you down, as they say! Onward and upward! Just keep telling yourself positive things - it really does help, along with shifting your focus to the things that make you happy, not just dating, dating, dating...I'm learning this the hard way!

Best wishes,

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:14pm

Eric,


I know I tried to boost your confidence somewhat in chat tonight, but a few words of wisdom are not really what you need right now.

Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:22pm

Hi Eric,

I'm new here, but I do the online dating and know it can get to you. That girl was rather mean in emailing that to you, but who says she's right??? It's ONLY her opinion, a complete stranger that you met for a little while. Don't base your self image on what she has said.

I think we tend to be attracted to certain types of people, like blondes, brunettes, red heads, etc, or even body styles. So this girl is attracted to something else - it's ONLY her preference Eric. I know all guys are not attracted to me - so what! I'm not attracted to all of them either! That doesn't make me any less of a person!

I had a set-up date not too long ago also and he was nice enough, but I knew nothing was happening for either one of us - that's the chances you take in dating. But if you don't get out there, you also don't meet people either and posssibly have the chance to meet someone you might click with really well.

I had to learn to believe in myself more and not to take the dating bs so seriously. Now if the date doesn't turn into what I'd like - I just feel like it's their loss and we weren't meant to be together anyway! You can't take it personally.

But Eric, if you do feel like you want to do some counseling, then it might be a good idea...been there and it really helped me. As you said maybe stop the dating for awhile, but please don't let one girl do this to you! It was her loss!!!

Take care and good luck....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:33pm
Eric-
I totally understand what you're going through. I winked at a guy online and yesterday i got the "rejection" response email from him. A few months ago, this would have devastated me. But I SWEAR TO GOD, I said to myself, "his loss" and "why would I want to be with someone who doesnt want me?" and that was the end of it. I haven't thought about it since.In my opinion, you are not ready yet. You have had a few dates, even though they were not good ones--I have not had ONE and I can still say these things. So try the counseling thing-I look forward to mine each week b/c I get to get an objective opinion and totally vent :) You have to put all this advice you get all the time into action. One person's opinion is just that-ONE person's. You have a preference in what you are attracted to, and so did that girl. No biggie. Hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:43pm

Hey eric. I am so sorry you are feeling down. I know that it isn't just this one incident but a series of things that have got you feeling this way. But don't let what she said affect you. There is nothing wrong with you at all. As everyone has said, each person just has their type. It doesn't make it right or wrong, just the way it is.

Take some time away, relax and just don't think about this stupid rat race for a while. Getting some professional help could be just the thing. Make sure you do it right, tho. But a break sounds like it is definitely in order. They always say that when you stop trying so hard, things just happen.

But always know that you do have us out here and we'll always be here for you! I've been where you are and just know that you can get past it.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 10:57pm

Eric,

YOu are a great guy and don't let anyone dictate how you feel about yourself. I agree w/ the rest of the posters as well.

Also counseling can do a world of good for you and help bolster your self esteem and maybe that is what you need right now before you go out and start dating again..

But don't let anyone tell you are not a good-looking, nice, intelligent man.. The right one will come along just give it time and have some patience. Do take care of yourself and do things to make yourself happy!

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