Red Flag List--Plz Add Yours! :)
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| Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:57pm |
Hi Y'all,
I enjoyed the Q&A last week per our best/worst feelings about OLD. Hmmmmmmm...'Cupcake Moment'...what about a list of our favorite Red Flags? Please write with yours; I think it will help not only the newbies, but will be a good tool for those of us who are seasoned "Nelsons" (cupcake-ism: so termed for singer Willie Nelson...think "On The Road Again...")and can use a good quick reference guide when we get the latest 'hit' from OLD.
My favorite red flag: (feel free to add as many as you have knowledge of!)
1. The "Hallmark Profile"--so well read that Poe is somewhere whimpering in a corner....full of flowery speech, prose, and sentiments befitting the shelves of your favorite card store! The profile is lengthy, perfectly punctuated, expertly conjugated and TOO good to be true. If you begin to feel as though you are reading the latest 'bodice-busting' Civil War romance novel at Barnes and Nobles....Ding! Next!
Hope you all will share your expertise, too!
Truly,
Cupcake

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Makes me barf:
1. I am handy in the kitchen (gee, just like a BIG boy!)
2. I will treat you like a lady should be treated (you mean you want to spank me?)
3. Seeking lady who is intelligent, attractive, physically and emotionally fit, financially independent (because I don't have a job, I have no friends, and I think an innuendo is an Italian suppository)
4. I have a great sense of humour (i.e. I laugh at all my own jokes)
5. I like sex (golly, never heard that one before)
There's a pretty good list here:
http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-jhoover21//id68.html
My list from that post:
1. Lacks photo
2. Anything sexual in profile
3. Mentions ex is a Harley rider
4. Relationship status: Separated or No Answer
5. Body Type is heavy with no full body pictures
6. No Answer responses to important questions (smokes? Drinks? )
7. Anything overly religious
8. Posing in photo with opposite sex
9. Mentioning how super busy they are - always on the run
10. Friends first
11. Looks significantly older than stated age
12. Glamour or revealing photo
13. Photo appears many years old
14. Anything negative about an ex (or anything else)
15. Kids with wide age ranges (one infant - one 15 yo)
16. Profile describes how they like to go to the gym, hike - then they list themselves as a smoker whose only exercise is walking to the mailbox
When a woman writes "I need an honest man" and makes a point of mentioning honesty several times in the profile. That shouts "I got the shaft from some lying SOB and I am NOT over it yet!" to me.
Similarly, if a profile goes on and on about fidelity and monogamy being important, that's a sign of someone that got cheated on and still has some issues. Let's face it, folks, monogamy is the *standard* and it's reasonably safe to assume that's what people want, isn't it? Does it need to be mentioned? (Well, given the percentage of people who have had affairs, perhaps it does...)
When a profile says "I am not too picky"... she's probably too picky.
"Separated". If you got married, and you're not yet divorced, you are STILL MARRIED.
Anything about their age not really being whatever is listed in the profile. They're a liar, or at best they are insecure about their age to a point they feel the need to mislead.
Another good list would be "yellow" flags- things that aren't automatic disqualifiers, but that bear watching and caution.
Good Subject! Some of my Red Flags include:
* When a person mentions honesty or any other trait more than once in their profile, it's usually a good indication that it's a big issue for them. With honesty they more than likely have been cheated on and are still not over it and have lingering issues about it.
* When they mention more than once in their profile that they want a physically fit, slim, and/or attractive lady - it's obviously a major thing for them and they're all about the physical appearance. But what cracks me up is when you look at their profile and they have checked "athletic and fit" as their body type and in their pic you can really see a big gut and that they are bigger! I think that possibly if they participate in a sport once in awhile, they think they are "athletic and fit"! Just because they do an activity here and there doesn't make their APPEARANCE athletic and fit! I'm a petite girl, but I cancelled a first meeting when I got a feeling this one guy was only about appearance when he kept asking for additional pictures.
* The age thing bugs me also. They look way older in their pics than they claim to be or when they post pics that had to be taken 10 years ago! There's just so much misrepresentation on there and it should seem obvious that should they get someone's interest this way and end up meeting, that the other person will know at first glance they have lied about themselves.
* When they don't fill in the status area. I feel that they are either married, separated or just starting the divorce process. The first just wants to play and the last two are probably not ready emotionally for a healthy relationship any way.
* When they smoke and check that they don't smoke. I just can not kiss a smoker and that's a deal breaker for me.
* If they state they want to have fun and say nothing about a relationship - they are telling the truth. I think that it's important to state what you're looking for.
* The ones that say "I look much younger than my age". Well don't we all want to believe that?! I wonder if they have a problem with accepting their age and who they are. Also the way older ones who email you when you have stated your age range! Delete!
* When meeting, if they refer to their last partner as "my wife" or "the wife" - BIG RED FLAG that they are either still married, or not over this person and I want nothing to do with that! I want to know that they are available emotionally for a relationship and that doesn't include their wife in the equation!
* When they complain about past relationships continually and have bitterness, anger, etc., I don't feel that they are healthy yet and ready to date.
>>what cracks me up is when you look at their profile and they have checked "athletic and fit" as their body type and in their pic you can really see a big gut and that they are bigger!
It's funny- I've seen guys show up for 15 mile hikes out to the middle of nowhere who were clearly 150lbs overweight. I mean if they drop there ain't no way no how we're carrying them out. Then when you talk to them the last major physical activity they had was when they were a Boy Scout (I'm NOT making this up).
My second favorite is the daughter / father team who showed up on a weekend hike. The dad was pale as a ghost. We get about 6 miles out into the middle of nowhere and the chit-chat turns to why everyone's hiking -- and this guy brings up the "factoid" that he had just went through open heart surgery 2 weeks ago and wanted to "get back into shape".....
People are seriously, seriously, seriously delusional about their fitness and health. To some - if they were fit and healthy 20 years ago -- then that picture of themself is still in their mind as of today.
I can't believe a guy would go on a hike after only 2 weeks of recovery from open heart surgery! Some people just don't have it upstairs!!!
You said, "...if they were fit and healthy 20 years ago -- then that picture of themself is still in their mind as of today...". Yes I agree that many are like that and don't see the actual person that they are today...they're living in the past. Sure we'd all like to be as we were 20 years ago but reality is reality! If they want to look and feel better, then do something about it and quit talking about doing it!!! But gradually as in the heart surgery guy! :)
Posing with members of the opposite sex, posing with members of the opposite sex and posing with members of the opposite sex.
Translation of those poses:
Hey - take a look at the guy(s) I just broke up with. I hope they see this and get really mad. I'm still getting cozy with one or two of them on a booty call basis. Boy do I hope they see this photo.
PS - No players please -- even though I'm gonna play you.
<<>>
I will never ever respond to the "player" profiles :)
<<<"Separated". If you got married, and you're not yet divorced, you are STILL MARRIED.>>>
I agree in some circumstances. However, there is a caveat to that. I know some people who have been legally separated for a number of years, simply because of financial reasons or insurance reasons, and it is especially more common with kids involved, and they have a legally binding agreement that it is fine for both parties to date others, etc... This is more common with older people who have no intention of marrying again, and also who are not in a rush to get divorce papers through the system for those aforementioned reasons. So I don't necessarily write off "separated". Sure, it's a flag, and it is much more important for someone who is looking for a spouse and who still wants to have kids and a family. But for those who are not in that stage of life, it's really no biggie if someone is "divorced" vs "legally separated" with a legally binding agreement on dating - oh, and this especially if the separated spouses live on opposite coasts of the country.... PLUS, there are also religious reasons for some people to proceed down that path.... but then, they are probably not the ones on match or yp ;)
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