How long to wait for a call after date 1
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| Tue, 02-08-2005 - 9:03am |
I sort of remembered hearing 48 hours, or was that for the first date after the initial meeting? I had my initial meeting, then a first date, and the guy said "I'll call ya tomorrow". Well, "tomorrow" came and went without a call. That's my first red flag (LIAR) but perhaps he was "busy" (although YP had him online at one point for a few hours).... If he just doesn't want to seem too into me, what's your experience with the amount of time to allow someone? Or should I already have been saying NEXT!?
I have been following your advice and keeping busy, so this truly isn't on my mind 24/7.... I'm just wondering what your experience has been. Like, has anyone not gotten a call for like a WEEK and then gotten a call for a second date (third meet) and still hit it off?
Ya know, part of me almost wishes for the rejection email rather than ghosting.... but then I don't want to be all down about the rejection email. UGH, what's worse....? Both are pretty Sh*ttey when ya like someone more than s/he likes you.
TY!
Jayme

goshdarnit, did i do it agin? I have GOT to remember that DURING the "date"!
Thanks for the dose of reality LG.... I knew I could depend on you guys here.
BTW, this time it's much easier to say *N*E*X*T*
and perhaps I was ignoring a few red flags, which I really should not be ignoring. Think it would help to write down the red flags and go through the list after a date? Do you do that?
I say "next" as soon as I walk away from the date, if he hasn't set up date 2 while we're still on date 1. That way, I'm mentally prepared for him to not call and if he does, it's just a bonus. Take control...don't wait at all!
That said, in my experience, a guy who is really interested calls by the next day to set up another date.
And FWIW, I would MUCH rather just have them not call than send me a rejection email. I've already moved on in my mind, so an email would just serve as a reminder that I don't need.
Sheri
I read a book that was written by three professional guys on their views on relationships. I think it was called "What Men Want". In it they said the end of the date is always uncomfortable, if you don't want to see the lady again, so many times they just say, "I'll call you" to get out of there. But according to these guys, they don't have any plans to call you again, but just want to get the end of the date completed without any complications. They admitted it was a cowardly thing to do, but they still did it.
They also said that if they are really into you that they will not wait the 2-3 days to call you and that they will make time to see you even if they have a really busy work week.
I have learned to not assume anything about a meeting and not to analyze a date to death...although it's hard not to do at times! I have adopted the attitude that if I don't have expectations about a first date or meeting, then I'm not so disappointed if things don't go well. If we don't click, then I move on... I don't take things so personal (well usually!).
I like how Sheri says she writes them off after leaving the date! Great attitude!
I'm missing something here.
You're asking "how long to wait for a call"... as opposed to doing what else?
I mean, during the period you're "waiting for a call", what else are you doing? If another guy contacts you, are you going to not accept a date because of Guy #1, whose call you're waiting for?
Or do you mean "how long do I wait until I call him"? If so, I say if you feel like calling him, call him.
I guess what I'm missing is what you're going to do differently before this deadline of how long you should wait, and after it.
Either way, I think you should be doing the same thing- whatever it is that you do. :)
Until we're mututally exclusive with someone, we shouldn't shut ourselves out to the possibility of others. We shouldn't be "waiting" for a call at all! The very mindset of "how long should I wait for a call" leads us into putting expectations and demands on someone... and after the first date?
Sheesh, I hope that a woman will give me at least a couple of dates to get to know me before she starts laying those expectations on me. :)
Yes, I wonder the same thing. If the first date is on Sunday and you're "waiting" for him to call, do you act differently on Monday and Tuesday, than you would on Wednesday and Thursday?
That's why I say, put it out of your mind and assume he WON'T call...if he does, it's gravy.
Sheri