Second date

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Second date
14
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:14pm

Hey guys,

My first date on saturday was great, we had a lot in common and had an excellent time. I have my second date tonight and we already scheduled fri and saturday. Wish me luck and thanks again for all of your advice. Im still keeping my expectations low and just going with the flow. This board has been very helpful in keeping me from going insane :)

GM

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:33pm

Ok...3 dates in one week already scheduled when you've only had one date so far...that would be a potential red flag for me, especially considering your previous post about being concerned that he was needy.

I personally would not have agreed to more than 1 date a week at this early point. I guess I have trouble reconciling your statement of low expectations with your agreeing to 3 dates in a week...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:44pm

So what should I do? this is all confusing lol
We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:50pm

Well, that depends. Why did you agree to so many dates in a week?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:51pm
Do what you are comfortable with. There's no "right" number of dates for one week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 4:00pm

Well since im at work now im haunting the board lol...

Well we actually set up a date for friday before tonight, he had plans to go to a game tonight and asked me if I wanted to go so I said yes. We made the plans for friday last saturday, and this saturday just sorta happened. The only thing is, If I am going to decline id like to have a good reason why rather then make up and excuse and I really didn't have anything planned for saturday and sunday im hanging out with my friends. It just felt right, I guess thats my answer. NWW brought up a good point because I was worried about whether or not he is needy. But where do you draw the line between needy and interested?

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 4:11pm

You can’t know that answer now. In time you’ll find out. You already set the dates therefore go for it. Do what you feel comfortable with. I usually pick up the pace after a month of dating only because for me I know they are more in then the chase mode so to speak early on and I want to know we truly have a connection, not a cloud of infatuation. However I have done the 4 dates in one week and I had a bad experience, the guy wanted one thing! But do what’s right for you........it does work for some folks!!!

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 4:30pm

Don't make up excuses or lie. No need for game playing, IMO.

You can decline an invitation with a No, but thank you for asking. Even offer an alternative day/activity.

I personally don't turn down opportunities to spend time with people whose company I enjoy, as long as I do actually have the time. Doesn't matter if it's family, a friend, or someone I'm dating.

Sounds like you are listening to your instincts/inner voice, and aren't getting any warning bells, so have fun and know that I'm jealous. The only date I have this weekend is with the broom and mop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 4:48pm

AWWW..

Don't worry I had plenty nights like those before this lol. You are right I think id rather spend time with him and find out early hes after "one thing", just because hes after it doesn't mean hes going to get it. Besides at this point, and the losers ive gone out with, if he isnt worth my time ill figure that out pretty quickly and he will be a memory. I do like him, we have tons of things in common, and I guess im going with my gut. If not I have plenty of other things to keep me busy, cleaning is definitely one of them. :)

GM

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 5:03pm

Well, personally, I would have just declined for Saturday and NOT given a reason (at this stage, it's none of his business). If pressed, I would have said something like "I find it works best for me to take things slowly" and left it at that. I just know that for me, seeing someone new 3 nights in a week and 2 nights in a row wouldn't work. I have also learned from experience that someone who wants to take things that fast isn't usually in the best emotional health.

So, *I* draw the line between needy and interested at about 1 date a week for the first month or so ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: gal_moonlight
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 5:38pm

I agree don't cancel any of the existing plans but try to slow it down after this. Not only can you burn out by doing too much too quickly, there is also that thing of being TOO available. Accepting every invitation is too available. You might not have plans, but make some or just don't accept sometimes. It may sound silly and like games to "have an aura of mystery" but men really do find that attractive. And if you are already so available at this stage, later on if things do get more serious, you have set this expecation that might be tough to keep up.

Have fun, enjoy it but try to cool it a little. More often than not, these fires that burn hot so quickly burn out really quickly too.

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