Kind of long, but worth the read...
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| Wed, 02-09-2005 - 9:43pm |
Especially for newbies...
75 Lessons That Must Be Learned In Relationships
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>1. If a wo/man wants you, nothing can keep her/him away. If s/he doesn't want you, nothing can make her/him stay.
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>2. Stop making excuses for a wo/man and her/his behavior.
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>3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a wo/man's character, leave her/him alone.
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>4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
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>5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
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>6. Don't force an attraction.
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>7. Slower is better.
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>8. Never live your life for a wo/man before you find what makes you truly happy.
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>9. If a relationship ends because the wo/man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
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>10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
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>11. Don't settle.
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>12. If you feel like s/he is stringing you along, then s/he probably is.
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>13. If s/he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that s/he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a wo/man like that?
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>14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
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>15. Honorable wo/men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
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>16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
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>17. There's only one 'reason' a wo/man dumps you; s/he doesn't want you.
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>18. Avoid wo/men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different men/women. If a man didn't marry women when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
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>19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince/ss.
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>20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.
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>21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his/hers.
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>22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy/gal treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
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>23. Like from the show Sex and the City, if s/he doesn't call, s/he just isn't that interested.
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>24. Be honest and upfront.
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>25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
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>26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him/her figure things out (but don't wait for him/her, move on).
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>27. If you want to have a clue as to how s/he will treat you, watch how s/he treats the MEN/WOMEN in her/his family (not just dad/mom).
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>28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If s/he causes any of them...flee.
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>29. You cannot change a wo/man's behavior. Change comes from within.
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>30. Don't let her/him place rules on you that /she is not willing to follow her/himself -- double-standard.
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>31. Don't EVER make her/him feel s/he is more important than you are...even if s/he has more education or a better job.
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>32. Do not make her/him into a quasi-god. S/he is a wo/man, nothing more nothing less.
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>33. Respect your mate but if s/he can't recipocrate it, s/he can't have you!
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>34. Don't compete with other wo/man, but be aware that wo/men are attracted to what they see.
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>35. If you think s/he is cheating, s/he probably is. Confront her/him right away and if you feel s/he's lying, let her/him go.
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>36. Actions speak louder than words.
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>37. Never let a wo/man define who you are.
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>38. Never rely on a wo/man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
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>39. Never borrow someone else's wo/man.
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>40. If s/he cheated with you, s/he'll cheat on you.
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>41. Just because s/he says s/he loves you, doesn't mean that s/he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with her/him.
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>42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.
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>43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
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>44. Love is a verb ...
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>45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
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>46. A wo/man will only treat you the way you ALLOW her/him to treat you.
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>47. All men are NOT dogs and all women are not dog walkers.
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>48. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
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>49. If you don't love self...you can't love anyone else.
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>50. You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
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>51. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
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>52. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
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>53. Dating is fun...even if s/he doesn't turn out to be Mrs./Mr. Right.
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>54. NEVER give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
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>55. Never become your wo/man's "therapist".
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>56. When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
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>57. A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can end it - but it takes two to make it work.
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>58. Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a wo/man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that s/he wouldn't do for you.
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>59. Make her/him miss you sometimes...when a wo/man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to her/him s/he takes it for granted.
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>60. Give her/him his space...let her/him go out with her/his gals/boys, don't pressure her/him to spend time with you, You can't force a wo/man to hang out with you.
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>61. If you wouldn't allow your daughter/son to be with him/her you shouldn't.
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>62. Never let a wo/man know everything. S/he will use it against you later.
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>63. Never move into her/his father's/mother's house.
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>64. Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
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>65. Never co-sign for a man or a spendthrift woman.
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>66. Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent; or such described woman unless she's already proven herself.
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>67. Never spoil your man; let him spoil you./(men - beware of the user though.)
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>68. Never let a wo/man mess up your credit.
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>69. When it's time to let go; let go.
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>70. Good wo/men should be treated like good wo/men.
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>71. Don't play games.
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>72. You can't make a into a housewife/husband.
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>73. Don't fully commit to a wo/man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep her/him in your radar but get to know others.
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>74. Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
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>75. Never date a guy who wears coloured contacts. / a woman whose hair/nails/boobs/ personality/etc/... is always fake
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>BONUS - A man who doesn't love his mother can never really truly love a
>woman!!!!

Amen.
Amen.
AMEN.
Wonderful post...one of those kinds of lists that may get printed out and taped to the fridge.
Thank you for putting that on the board!!
~xrg
HI Cb,
Not Only well worth the time to read, but, more importantly, Well worth your time to Follow this to the letter!
If I had enough ink, I would do this in calligraphy, in the interest of time, I am printing it out for my fridge, I want my Sons to see this and learn from it!
Thank You!
Truly,
Cupcake
Cupcake~
That's what I really liked about this list. It isn't a tirade against the men or against the women. It is really a gender generic list of how to treat people and to expect to be treated by the person in your life. Intimate relationships, friendships, or family.
A WONDERFUL code to raise our children by, for sure. Ummmm, allthough...I tried reading it to my dog and she tried to lick the paper... :)
Hi XRgirl,
Agreed...the list is not 'dissing on anyone, it is merely a wonderful selection of truths in life and relationships, and HOW people Should be treating each other, for success in a partnership. Sadly, I think too many people have their 'reasons'(read:"excuses") for not doing and living some of the things on that list, and that is where we all run into the same troubles in dating!
I CAN handle the truth..it is the Absence of it that ruins me! And this list is the Best truth I have seen in a long time--thanks again!
Truly,
Cupcake