ARGH!!!!!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
ARGH!!!!!
23
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 5:47pm

Ok, I need help in not sending off an angry message to this guy...I KNOW I should just blow it off, but I want to tell him how RUDE and condescending it is to say:

"Sorry, but we're definitely not a good fit...Good luck."

Yes, it's a canned Yahoo response but there ARE other choices...this one is just SOOOO rude!

And FWIW, there were no details in his "what he wants in a match" that I didn't fit...so why be so rude to me in return???

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:02pm

NWW,

Calm down; take a deep breath, smiles.

I didn’t find it rude at all; it’s just a quick check to send to someone w/out having to type. I can’t tell you how many guys said “thank you for at least responding back” as most never do and have sent that same one liner from yahoo (when I did yahoo briefly) to many men. He may have had several replies and just checked that as it was one of the top three. I used it, received it and never thought of it as being rude.

He may not think you’re his match for his reasons and there are a million so don’t take it personally. Remember what I find attractive you may not and visa versa; it’s what makes the world go round.

Peanut

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:04pm
I can completely identify! I still have a profile on eHarmony although I am not paying. They send me matches and I can view the basic data and close them or put them on hold. They can also close me and if they do so before initial communication, I can see the reasons. This one guy closed me today with 3 lovely reasons of: 1)Based on statements in the profile, I am not interested in this match. 2) I want to pursue other matches at eHarmony. and 3) (the kicker in my mind!) I don't feel there is any chemistry. WTF?!?!? You don't know me so how the heck do you know if there is any chemistry? And I think 1 and 3 are very hurtful reasons. When I close them, I usually use the canned "I want to pursue other matches" because it is accurate and doesn't insult the person. This guy has the audacity to say this BS when he doesn't know me from anyone on the street and read a few blurbs in my profile. What a jerk!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:11pm

Reasons the response is rude and condescending:

1. The use of the word "definitely". As in, how on EARTH could you have EVER thought that you might be a match for ME, you peon!

2. The use of the word "sorry". As in, I know you'll be really upset and crying over me rejecting you. That's SO arrogant.

3. The use of the words "good luck". Implying that I will need it.

I'm NOT upset over the rejection; I expect that, it's OLD, after all! I'm upset at his deliberate choice to use a rude, condescending response. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything, ya know?

I guess not all people would agree that the wording is rude (I'm sure you wouldn't have sent it if you thought it was), but to me it really is totally obnoxious, and there are other, less rude responses to choose from.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:13pm

I agree, those are hurtful reasons. Who WRITES these things, people who were raised by wolves????

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:20pm
Your points in your previous post are exactly what I am talking about. There are much better ways of saying this like the "I want to pursue othe matches at eH". I think that is a perfectly acceptable reason or even the "Other" or "I'd rather not say" are fine with me. But the two he sent and sending them ALL, are rude and mean. It is basically saying to me: we have nothing in common, you're boring and you're ugly.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:21pm

I don’t look at it as rude. It’s a we’re not a match and am sorry but good luck in your search as far as I see it; better than silence and never knowing if they received your note. I think your senses are heightened right now.....this is the small stuff darling, don’t stress!

Who cares anyhow, don’t waste your energy worrying about it; he’s not worthy of your time. It’s not worth you being upset over!

D

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:30pm

I know, I know...but as I've posted MANY times, I MUCH prefer silence! I put it out of my head as soon as I send off a wink or email, and don't need or want to hear anything back unless he's interested. I was just feeling a bit down this afternoon, and go online to see that I have 1 new message...and it's THAT! What a kick in the teeth.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:36pm

That explains it, I was thinking, c’mon sister...don’t let a little one liner get you down...too easy to read into it. He may not have even thought about it; he may have just checked it as it was convenient.....for all you know he met someone and no one right now is as good as the woman he may be dating.....

That happens too with me as soon as I meet someone I really like, the man would have to be superman for me to even consider ....

Chin up!

SP

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 6:59pm

Girlfriend, you have given me (and everyone else!) plenty of sensible advice, so here's mine back at ya.

>>I put it out of my head as soon as I send off a wink or email....

So why let this get to you? Delete it and put it out of your head and move on!

I do understand your point... and your need to rant/vent... but it surprises me that you of all people, probably the most thick-skinned of this group, would take it so hard! Just as you think you'd rather hear nothing than get a definite rejection, think of it the other point of view - he probably thinks it is better to give a definite answer than to leave you hanging. Takes all kinds. It's only a big deal if you make it a big deal.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-10-2005 - 7:24pm

I hear ya...I guess my point is that, getting the "thanks but no thanks" email puts it BACK into my head! That's part of why I hate getting them so much.

But let me be very clear: in this case, it was the WORDING of the email, not the fact of sending it, that *really* bothered me. He chose to send that particular rude and condescending wording when he had other choices...that's the main problem I have with it.

Sheri

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