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| Fri, 03-25-2005 - 7:49pm |
I thought this intro was refreshingly funny:
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Get off your Lopez and holla. I'm a pianist on the verge of becoming a doctor. In fact, I've just recorded a divorce album, including such classics as "Stormy Weather" and "I'll Never Fall in Love Again." I'll try anything once, excluding the following: walks on the beach, running on the beach, clasping hands on the beach. My ideal date? After we cavort around three separate beaches, you will don a grass skirt, a coconut bikini top, and blather on and on about how you just haven't "figured things out yet." Then you will read me Kierkegaard with an astonishingly accurate Danish accent, all the while sipping a wine we deem to have a crepuscular descent. Then, at approximately eighteen past the hour, chemistry will commence. Once chemistry is intact, we shall enjoy hours of witty banter that will focus on the following topics: Al Roker just isn't the same since the stomach stapling; what IS spam?; gosh kittens are cute, but then they grow up, don't they? I celebrate the following: decisive, proactive women who can view the world through the lens of hilarity and absurdity. I plan to move forward with the final stages of my newest candy product: Lo-Pez. It's like Pez, but the head you lift to retrieve the tasty treat is replaced by J.Lo's plentiful posterior. I tend to favor the hyperpolyphony of Godowsky over Josquin, but hey, that's just me. I rock and indeed have been known to roll over the overwhelming originality of Primus instead of the disturbingly bland musings of my good friend and golfin' buddy, Josh Groban. A few of my favorite things: chicken makhni (spicy level 3), irony, the unknown, Judge Judy's tenacity, analysis, Joyce's interior monologue, Emerson's self-reliance; breaking the bindings on books; Big Banana Blowouts; James Spader's sarcasm; being asked questions; Bill Maher's irreverence; people with inflection in their voices; Jon Stewart's schtick; Ricky Gervais' humanity.
Looks are not important, but you must be extraordinarily hot. I'm talking about the body of a Catherine Zeta-Jones, the assertiveness of a Catherine the Great, the streaked hair of a Della Reese, the radiant eyes of a Barbara Bush, the ambiguous orientation of a Tina Fey, the synaptic activity of a Jessica Simpson, the tortured tenacity of a Joan of Arc, the seductive sauciness of Rosie O'Donnell's understudy and the ethnic irony of a Sara Silverman. Throw in a touch of Bea Arthur and simmer...gently, gently now. May I speak freely? Thanks. Despite the advances in gender equality, I'm constantly amazed how many women fall back into the stereotypical, reactive, indecisive role of helpless spinster. I'm not a hunter; the orange vest clashes with my wannabe-hipster sensibilities. Although, now that we're allowed to own AK47s, I just might reconsider. I don't view marriage, children as inevitabilities, simply choices. My name is *** and I approved this message.

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WTF does "crepuscular" mean? Or "hyperpolyphony"?
For anyone else who might care to know:
Main Entry: cre·pus·cu·lar
Pronunciation: kri-'p&s-ky&-l&r
Function: adjective
1 : of, relating to, or resembling twilight : DIM
2 : active in the twilight <crepuscular insects>
Merriam Webster online HAS no definition for "hyperpolyphony"....is that a musical term?
I am thinking it means overly loud bizarre mix of sounds.
I don't, but I sort of think someone who takes the time to write a profile like that really is interested in dating...not a player. But maybe I'm like you - get sucked in by a pretty profile. LOL
I got a wink from a pretty nice looking guy, but the profile was one big yawn, so I took a pass. I think I'm just getting lazy and don't want to bother, unless a guy really wows me.
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